$1.5M Russian SUV Features Diamonds, Whale Penis Leather

Jalopnik.com ^ | October 12, 2009 | Ben Wojdyla

[Daffynition]

The already bulletproof and wildly over-the-top 8.1 liter GM V8-powered Dartz Kombat T98 is getting a name change to Prombron and along with it will come a complete and brain-maimingly bourgeoisie upgrade with the Monaco Red Diamond Edition. The world's most expensive ultra-luxury SUV will debut at the 2010 Top Marques Monaco show with luxe features crazy enough to make a Maybach blush. For your $1.5 million you get the following features:

1. Ruby Red matte paint
2. Gold-plated bulletproof windows
3. 22" Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
4. Whale Penis Leather interior
5. Tungsten exhaust
6. Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
7. White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges - grill, side and dashboard
8. Special edition Vertu mobile phone with "alert" button

9. Additional outside kevlar coating
10. Rogue Acoustic Audio System.

And, of course, of course -
THREE BOTTLES OF World Most Expensive Vodka - RussoBaltique Vodka, drink edition, same as in the RussoBaltique car when it visited Monaco at 1912.

We have a lot of questions about this car, most of them whale penis leather-related, but in the bigger picture, this brazen finger-in-the-eye raises a good point, so to speak. What makes a luxury vehicle? Things we used to think of as luxury - bovine leather, wood trim, high-end audio, etc., have become mainstream. Does it take exceptionally ridiculous material selection and bold ostentatious flair to define new luxury? Is it encapsulating yourself in a vehicle capable of taking a direct hit from a rocket propelled grenade? Does it mean emulating the wild excess of past luxury much like the Red Diamond is doing? Who knows. But we're betting the tzars would roll in one of these babies.

[Daffynition]

[benjibrowder]

Ugly.

[Sax]

If you stroke the back seat, it grows into a pit sofa group.

[Misterioso]

Save the whales. Especially the males.

[Nervous Tick]

>> We have a lot of questions about this car, most of them whale penis leather-related...

Hey, what a coincidence! Me too. Great minds etc.

I bet the seats are really soft... until you drive by a cute female whale.

[RichInOC]

Whale-penis leather upholstery? Is that wise? I mean, you’d have to be really careful about rubbing it...

[gogogodzilla]

Whale penis leather?

Why would ANYONE want to sit on whale penis leather?!?

I think I want to barf now.

[hinckley buzzard]

I guess size matters after all--especially to little short guys like Pootie-poot.

[freedumb2003]

>>Why would ANYONE want to sit on whale penis leather?!?<<

Can you imagine the Bris knife?

[BossLady]

So this is what the Russian Mob is driving these days..... ;)

[Daffynition]

Or makes you blind. ;)

[The Good Doctor]

"Whale penis leather? Why would ANYONE want to sit on whale penis leather?!?"

You know you've made it when your seats are upholstered with whale penis leather.

[Daffynition]

Interior of the Dartz T98; couldn't find any pix of the Monaco Red Diamond.

[OrioleFan]

I’m sure PETA is all over the whale penis thing.

[lefty-lie-spy]

That’s just nuts.
Its not just some skin off your nose.

[andy58-in-nh]

I guess that makes it a Moby Dickmobile.

[USMCPOP]

And it doesn’t even have a stick shift...

[Buckeye McFrog]

I feel this strange compulsion to drive mine thru tunnels...

[Daffynition]

Gold plated, bulletproof windows are promised to compromise the bulletproof 22inch alloys. A tungsten exhaust and tungsten badging and gauges, complemented by white gold gauges encrusted with precious gem stones also add to the list. Extra kevlar coating, just in case you happen to be driving through a war zone, and a Rogue Acoustic Audio System to ensure you can’t hear the carnage are all included.