Skip to comments.~*~*~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~*~*~
Posted on 03/12/2010 4:22:46 AM PST by Lucky9teen
An Irishman, Obama and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport.
Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport.
The guards then came to Obama. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied Obama, "I'll take the German".
|You're 10% Irish|
Not even on St. Patrick's Day!
Early this fine Friday, are we?
|You're 20% Irish|
Not even on St. Patrick's Day!
Go here and listen to this Irish ditty.
The Sick Note
Nancy Pelosi urged the passage of the health care bill saying: But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.
US President Barack Obama has joked that half of the 40,000 letters that pour into the White House each day brand him an idiot.
PETA flies banner over SeaWorld demanding whale release
[The man-killing killer whale]
We have just experienced yet another ...
Close Encounter with the Loony Left [link-list]
[Files that seek to resolve: are they human?]
you’re about 2 weeks early for that ad :P
You’re 70% Irish
You’re very Irish, and most likely from Ireland.
(And if you’re not, you should be!)
What is next? The sunny beaches?
Woo Hoo, silliness has arrived.
I’m 35% Irish.
No Irish Jig jokes...
When my dauhter was younger,(she’s 9 now) I would read her Green Eggs and Ham but I would use a real dramatic voice....
“I DO NOT like.....green eggs and ham!!!! I do not like them.........SAM.....I.....AM!!!!!”
Pee Wee Herman tried his version of screwing like it was being filmed....all he got out of it was a self-winding watch that would run for a full 30 days.
Try as I might, all I see is a lamp :)
From Rules for Radicals by Obamas hero, Saul Alinsky:
RULE 5: "Ridicule is man's most potent weapon." There is no defense. It's irrational. It's infuriating. It also works as a key pressure point to force the enemy into concessions.
|You're 5% Irish|
Not even on St. Patrick's Day!
Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband’s obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn’t it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, “Pete died.” The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he’d give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: “Pete died. Boat for sale”
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I’m lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife’s wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
‘Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.’
‘You know where the button is,’ I protested through the shower pitter-pa tter and steam. ‘Reset it yourself!’
‘But I’m scared!’ she persisted. ‘What if it starts going and sucks me in?’
There was a meaningful pause and then, ‘C’mon, it’ll only take you a second.’
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. No, it wasn’t the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a ‘fight or flight’ syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the ‘flight’ option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of ‘been-there, done-that’ paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
‘What’s the matter?’ They all asked, ‘Cat got your tongue?’ If they only knew!
Patrick Finnegan came home drunk every evening toward ten.
Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming,
“Patrick Sean Finnegan, sure and ya’ don’t give up you’re drinkin’ and it’s to Hell I’ll take ye’”.
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, “Who the hell ARE you?”.
Too that the Missus replied, “I’m the divil ya’ damned old fool”.
To which Finnegan remarked,
“Damned glad to meet you sir, I’m married to yer sister.”
As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business. Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child.
In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies.
They witnessed Lena’s acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other: “Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin’ out this night, and me without me bloomers on!”
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that
Barrack Obama is our President and that our
taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by
about 10%. But since we cannot increase our
prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to
layoff sixty of our employees instead.
This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and
I didn’t know how to choose who would have
So, this is what I did.. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty
‘Obama’ bumper stickers on our employees’
cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can’t
think of a more fair way to approach this
problem. They voted for change...... I gave it to them.
I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.
The Young Irish Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn’t stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, “When I’m worried about gettin’ nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o’ whiskey. Just to calm my nerves.”
So the next Sunday he took the older priest’s advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say ``He was stoned off his ass.”
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it, for it is my body”; he did not say, “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, “Mary with the Cherry”.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God”
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick’s, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers.
So, Thomas O’Ryan said to Liam Halloren, “Liam, me buddy, me ol’ pal. When I die would you please pour a couple of beers o’er me grave?”
Liam said, “Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder first?”
Or maybe the immigrant that bragged
that when he went to Chavez ravine
see a game, everyone stood up and
sang “Jose can you see...”
Father O’Connor walks into a pub and says to the first man he meets, ‘Do you want go to heaven?’
The man replies, ‘Yes, Father.’
Father O’Connor then says, ‘Leave this bar right now, and go outside’.
O’Connor proceeds to another man, and asks him the same thing. The chap also answers, ‘Yes’.
Father O’Connor asks him too to go out.
The Reverend Father goes the the third man and asks, ‘Would you like to go to heaven? ‘
This time the reply is, ‘No thank-you Father.’
Surprised, Father O’Connor asks, ‘Why not?’
The man opines, ‘I mean I do, but only after I die.’
The Father O’Connor explains, ‘That’s what I am talking about.’
The man says, ‘Oh, I thought you are getting a group ready right now.’
Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription “Here lies a politician and an honest man.”
‘Faith now,’ exclaims Reilly, ‘I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.
Irish Job Application
Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.
The manager went to Murphy and said, ‘Thank you for coming to the interview, but We’ve decided to give the American the job.’
Murphy, ‘And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.’
Manager, ‘We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.’
Murphy, ‘And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?’
Manager, ‘Simple. On question number 7 the American wrote down, ‘I don’t know.’
You put down, ‘Neither do I.’
|You're 50% Irish|
You're probably less Irish than you think you are...
But you're still more Irish than most.
“Theres No One As Irish As Barack O’Bama” is a humorous folk song written in 2008 by the Irish band Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys, (later known as The Corrigan Brothers) and set to a tune derived from a traditional air.