Posted on 02/06/2011 8:13:51 AM PST by edcoil
Here are some actual maintenance complaints/problems, generally known as squawks, submitted over the years by Pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks, maintenance crews are required to log the details of the action taken to solve the pilots' squawks. Problem - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. Solution - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
Problem - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Solution - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. Solution - No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
Problem - Something loose in cockpit. Solution - Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem - Dead bugs on windshield. Solution - Live bugs on backorder.
Problem - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. Solution - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Solution - Evidence removed.
Problem - DME volume unbelievably loud. Solution - Volume set to more believable level.
Problem - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Solution - That's what they are there for!
Problem - IFF inoperative. Solution - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem - Suspected crack in windscreen. Solution - Suspect you're right.
Problem - Number 3 engine missing. Solution - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem - Aircraft handles funny. Solution - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."
Problem - Target radar hums. Solution - Reprogrammed target radar with words.
Problem - Mouse in cockpit. Solution - Cat installed. Defect: The autopilot doesn't. Action: IT DOES NOW.
Defect: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten. Action: Fresh seat cushion on order.
Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns. Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown. Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.
Defect: Pilot's clock inoperative. Action: Wound clock.
Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds. Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.
Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild. Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.
Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine. Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.
Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer. Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.
Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment. Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.
Defect: Flight attendant cold at altitude. Action: Ground checks OK.
Defect: 3 roaches in cabin. Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Defect: Weather radar went ape! Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!
It’s an oldie alright, but it’s also a “living document”; about 1/3 of the items are new to me.
Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns. Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
Good one. LOL!
ROFLMAO
Those are always good
Brass in left aileron....solution....officers now ride in the aircraft....
Thank you for some well-needed humour.
Problem: IFF won’t squawk. Solution: Gave IFF cracker.
The “R&R stick actuator” is always a good one...for an Article 15.
Where’s my favorite? Problem: Tread on tires almost worn out. Solution: Almost replaced tires.
I never tire of these.I have tears in my eyes from LMAO.These are like warner brothers cartoons.Seen em a million times and still laugh like the first time.
ping
F-100F (2-seater) had an occasional AC problem where it would “snow in the cockpit” from condensation, I guess. (Forgive me but I was a weapons guy) New back-seaters would write up Snow in the Cockpit and the crew chiefs would write the correction, “Snow shoes and galoshes installed.”
I kicked the slats out of my crib laughing the first time I saw this!!
I can’t remember where I heard this one, but as the story goes, an A-10 pilot felt a thump during flight but didn’t see anything from the cockpit.
After landing, he told the crew chief to check the aircraft carefully because he might have hit a bird.
The crew chief then walks to the back of the aircraft and begins a careful inspection of the rudder and elevators...
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