Colonoscopy Journal..(SOME HUMOR)

Miami Herald ^ | 03/29/11 | Dave Barry

[Doogle]

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

[montomike]

I woke up with a smile on my face...and a large bill as I have a high deductible health care policy.

[Neidermeyer]

[Neidermeyer]

Colonoscopy Showing Moving Worms That Live In Your Body

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeuQfToa254

[Hoffer Rand]

Glad to be of assistance. To get the maximum benefit from the pill regiment, just make sure you drink so much liquids you think you’ll float away, way more than what you need to get all the pills down.

[rellimpank]

—as I tell those gross enough to want to talk about it , if that’s the worst thing the medical profession ever has to do to me , I’ll be happy-—

[SuziQ]

Having been through the procedure, I cried, I was laughing so hard when I read this!!

[Sergio]

bkmk

[ichabod1]

“Sable” sounds like something you’d find in Richard Gere (sorry Richard, I know it’s an urban legend).

[GATOR NAVY]

He nails it on the prep.

Yeah he did, I related to term "nuclear laxative."

I though it was interesting he said he was asleep. I had an IV anesthesia, and I certainly felt no pain, but I wasn't knocked out. I watched the camera images on the screen in a very detached way.

[Doogle]

:)

[Ditter]

I had my 4th colonoscopy last Sept. All was well, again. My grandmother died of colon cancer so I am not about to let it sneak up behind me! ha ha! :D

[Ax]

My wife took me to the ER on Valentine’s Day. I had terrible diarrhea and vomiting. They stuck a gastric tube down my nose and drained my intestines for 18 awful hours. I thought I was going to be pampered, but ended up wearing Pampers. After four days, my GI doctor ordered a colonoscopy, my fourth. He said it had been an inflammation of the bowel and the colonoscopy was clean as a whistle. He said he’d see me again in five years. I’m 68 now. Thanks for the tip about the straw. I hope I remember it next time.

[Ditter]

Did they call what you had “paralytic illius”? My husband had that after a bout of vomiting and diarrhea last year. The illius, I learned, is a section of your intestine's and his became paralyzed, for what reason they never said. he had the tube down his throat, sucking everything out, for 3 days. Nothing by mouth, not even a sip of water. After 3 days they removed the tube and gave him a liquid meal. It was a very difficult time for him (and for me, I had to watch). He is fine and I am glad you are as well.

[NavyCanDo]

“Mine is scheduled for the 2nd week in May. Wheeeee.”

I'm sure you've heard this before, but the day of - is nothing. It's the prep day before, the clear liquid diet, that is pure hell

[meyer]

I still remember the morning of the “procedure” - I walked up to the desk to sign in and fill out the paper. The lady at the desk said, “this is the self-serve line” (grinning, of course)

My reply - “Ok, then I guess I’m going to need a mirror and a map”. Brought a grin to a few nervous faces in the waiting room.

[Quix]

Hmmmmmmm

So I’ve heard, alright.

Is apple juice OK?

Chicken broth?

[Ax]

That’s exactly what happened to me. Fortunately, it doesn’t last very long. In Jan 2008, I had a very complicated triple bypass. They put me in a chemically induced coma for four days. When I came out, I was starving and when I tried to eat and drink, they determined I had an Ilius issue and for 60 hours all I could have was ice chips. The body can be very tough, but occasionally, it can be very fragile. Glad your husband is back on track.

[NavyCanDo]

The Doctor should give you a complete list of what you can and cannot have prior to that day. For me it was chicken broth, orange Jello, black coffee (no cream or sugar) And I think apple juice was OK. The worse part is the DRANO Pills you have to take (to clean your pipes) and all the water you have to take with them. Lots and lots of water. Make sure you are home ALL day when you are doing this or you will mess your pants.

The best part is the day of the operation. You will never know it happened. And if you play up the “I'm still feeling groggy” line when you get home, you can be pampered by the wife the rest of the day.

[Quix]

A Dear Freeper Friend is taking me down to Albuquerque the day before . . . Wheeee.

I have the list of stuff around somewhere. Will have to find it. LOL.

[Ditter]

My husband had a double by pass in Dec, ‘07, very uneventful and he recovered just fine. This stomach thing was weird. We both caught a virus of the 24 hour variety. I got over it and he didn't and ended up with this paralyzed gut.