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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 07/22/2011 5:45:18 AM PDT by Lucky9teen


We got yo money.
Gonna borrow mo money.
Gonna spend yo money.
Gonna print mo money.



*Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
 
*The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
 
*Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
 
*The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
 
*The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
 
*The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
 
*U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
 

 
...and that says it all.



Government Efficiency

I went into the Department of Motor Vehicles to obtain the title and license plates for my new truck.

After spending five minutes typing all my personal information into a computer, the DMV clerk pulled out a huge book to look up the excise tax for the vehicle. I mentioned that, since she had a networked computer, it would seem more efficient to just enter the information in the computer and have it look up the tax rather than create, print, and distribute such a large book.

She looked at me in that serious, governmental clerk manner and said, "They can't do that. The information changes too quickly."


Rules Of Washington D.C

- If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

- Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

- There is always one more son of a gun than you counted on.

- An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

- Chicken little only has to be right once.

- "NO" is only an interim response.

- You can't kill a bad idea.

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

- The truth is a variable.

- A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.

- You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

- A promise is not a guarantee.

- If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

Very Taxing

A little boy wanted $100, badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Obama. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Obama thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

The Democratic Party

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?"

"About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly.

"NO!" exploded the teacher..."I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?"

"Well", replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall & every night he puts his hands to his chin and says 'I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!'"



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: debt; ofst; outofcontrol; silliness
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1 posted on 07/22/2011 5:45:23 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

woooo hoooo Tgif!


2 posted on 07/22/2011 5:46:19 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (Stop cap and trade fraud.)
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To: Lucky9teen

woooo hoooo Tgif!


3 posted on 07/22/2011 5:46:29 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (Stop cap and trade fraud.)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP FIVE!!!!!

Have a nice weekend all!

4 posted on 07/22/2011 5:47:16 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP FIVE!!!!!

Have a nice weekend all!

5 posted on 07/22/2011 5:47:21 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

WooHoo!!! It’s Friday!!!


6 posted on 07/22/2011 5:48:00 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...





CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



7 posted on 07/22/2011 5:48:46 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
IB4TP!



8 posted on 07/22/2011 5:50:02 AM PDT by Bean Counter ("A society that gets rid of all its troublemakers goes downhill." — Robert A. Heinlein)
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To: Lucky9teen

More rules for buying gifts for men

Rule #6:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks” “Shorts” “Cups” “Saucers” “Door” “Lock” “Sink”... You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #7:
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.

Rule #8:
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”

Rule #9:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.

Rule #10:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #11:
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #12:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to their cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8” manila rope. No one knows why.


9 posted on 07/22/2011 5:52:22 AM PDT by CPOSharky (The only thing straight, white, Christian males get is the blame for everything.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 10


10 posted on 07/22/2011 5:52:22 AM PDT by rockabyebaby (We are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo screwed!)
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To: Lucky9teen

11 posted on 07/22/2011 5:53:24 AM PDT by Bean Counter ("A society that gets rid of all its troublemakers goes downhill." — Robert A. Heinlein)
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To: Lucky9teen
Best one I've seen in a while...

Photobucket

12 posted on 07/22/2011 5:55:33 AM PDT by Aevery_Freeman (White Hetero Able Male (WHAM) a.k.a. NOT Holder's people)
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To: Lucky9teen

In!


13 posted on 07/22/2011 5:56:16 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Nothing is so bad that a good skirl on the Pipes can't cure! Long live sionnsar!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Front and Center!


14 posted on 07/22/2011 6:07:29 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It's not the Obama Administration....it's the "Obama Regime".)
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To: ShadowAce
GOD BLESS AMERICA!

America's Got Talent 2011 - Silhouettes
15 posted on 07/22/2011 6:10:03 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Monkey Face
Not necessarily silliness but fun, nevertheless. Open (or cut and paste) the link and follow the instructions... Then "click me to get trippy", Look at the center of the screen for 30 seconds, and then.. Look at your hand holding the mouse, without moving it away from the mouse.. NOT BEFORE! (it is no joke, it is called "cenesthetic hallucination") http://www.neave.com/strobe/
16 posted on 07/22/2011 6:10:26 AM PDT by IM2MAD
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To: Aevery_Freeman

LOL!!!!


17 posted on 07/22/2011 6:17:29 AM PDT by stephenjohnbanker (God, family, country, mom, apple pie, the girl next door and a Ford F250 to pull my boat.)
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To: CPOSharky

That’s really great! But where are rules 1 - 5?

Mark


18 posted on 07/22/2011 6:21:08 AM PDT by MarkL (Do I really look like a guy with a plan?)
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To: CPOSharky
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.

Meh. I love "some assembly required." I get to get my tools out, and maybe, just maybe, I'll have a really good excuse to buy a new tool.

19 posted on 07/22/2011 6:33:02 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Rose, there's a Messerschmitt in the kitchen. Clean it up, will ya?)
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To: MarkL
That’s really great! But where are rules 1 - 5?

Silliness two weeks ago.

20 posted on 07/22/2011 6:39:30 AM PDT by CPOSharky (The only thing straight, white, Christian males get is the blame for everything.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Subject: FW: Paddy the fire fighter

Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there’s a high rise building on fire.

Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.

Paddy yells to the people, “I’m Paddy Michael Fitzpatrick, an Irish Fire Fighter on holiday. I’m also a Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I’ll catch you!”

One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.

Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him as well.

Then Obama jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn’t even attempt to catch him. Paddy looks up and yells, “Don’t be throwin’down the burnt ones...!!!!”

Warning!! If you laugh at this, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Rev. Wright will be coming to kick yo ass!


21 posted on 07/22/2011 6:55:47 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (zero hates Texas and we hate him back. He ain't my president either.)
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To: CPOSharky
Those who know of me here know that I am a classic VW owner. Here's a picture from John Muir's book "How To Keep Your Volkswagen Alive - A Manual Of Step By Step Procedures For The Compleat Idiot"



Some Assembly Required
Come to think of it, I had mine torn down almost that far.....
22 posted on 07/22/2011 6:56:48 AM PDT by fredhead (I'm not sleeping, I'm checking my eyelids for cracks.)
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To: fredhead
Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their Travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: October 16, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. F***ing hot down here!

23 posted on 07/22/2011 7:00:50 AM PDT by irish guard
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To: Lucky9teen

24 posted on 07/22/2011 7:04:00 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet)
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To: Lucky9teen

Thanks Lucky...I really need this today. Your work is greatly appreciated.


25 posted on 07/22/2011 7:05:12 AM PDT by clove (God, Country and Family, the truth will live!)
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To: JoeProBono

ARRRGH! The brown acid flashbacks are happening again! Make them stop!


26 posted on 07/22/2011 7:09:57 AM PDT by OB1kNOb (Financial Repression.......it answers a lot of questions.....read about it on FinancialSense.com.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 25! (not counting your post(s)!


27 posted on 07/22/2011 7:10:15 AM PDT by Ro_Thunder (I sure hope there is a New Morning in America soon. All this hope and change is leaving me depressed)
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To: JoeProBono

Gud gawd! She looks like a 60’s nightmare!


28 posted on 07/22/2011 7:12:27 AM PDT by OB1kNOb (Financial Repression.......it answers a lot of questions.....read about it on FinancialSense.com.)
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To: IYAS9YAS

“Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.”

I love some assembly required. Problem is 2 years later, when I am looking for something in the garage, I find a bag with a bunch of things labeled “spare parts.”


29 posted on 07/22/2011 7:15:02 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (As long as the MSM covers for Obama, he will be above the law)
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To: OB1kNOb

Glenn Beck said that the masks were coming off for the “Progressives”, I guess he was right!LOL


30 posted on 07/22/2011 7:15:09 AM PDT by clove (God, Country and Family, the truth will live!)
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To: Lucky9teen

31 posted on 07/22/2011 7:15:25 AM PDT by OB1kNOb (Financial Repression.......it answers a lot of questions.....read about it on FinancialSense.com.)
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To: Lucky9teen; Lazamataz

Laz's steam-powered Imperial Walker

32 posted on 07/22/2011 7:15:36 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: clove

And I thought the masks were pretty scary, but....!


33 posted on 07/22/2011 7:18:19 AM PDT by OB1kNOb (Financial Repression.......it answers a lot of questions.....read about it on FinancialSense.com.)
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To: EQAndyBuzz

Daughter wants to go tubing behind the boat. So I get the big tube out of storage and inflate it. It has a leak. Now where is that little patch kit that came with it when I bought it last summer?

Probably mixed in with the extra VW parts........


34 posted on 07/22/2011 7:19:51 AM PDT by fredhead (I'm not sleeping, I'm checking my eyelids for cracks.)
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To: JoeProBono

I always enjoy your excellent creative artwork, but don’t go all Andy Warhol on us! LOL!


35 posted on 07/22/2011 7:20:05 AM PDT by OB1kNOb (Financial Repression.......it answers a lot of questions.....read about it on FinancialSense.com.)
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To: fredhead
My husband is a VW nut also….here is his neverending project! Photobucket>

www.stephensherbie.com

36 posted on 07/22/2011 7:30:32 AM PDT by clove (God, Country and Family, the truth will live!)
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To: clove
Posted it before, but here is Heidi, my 69


37 posted on 07/22/2011 7:37:52 AM PDT by fredhead (I'm not sleeping, I'm checking my eyelids for cracks.)
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To: fredhead
Nice "bug" we also have a '73 vw bus sitting on a Chev Blazer chassis with a 4.3L in the center....we call it the "Beast"

Photobucket>

38 posted on 07/22/2011 7:43:25 AM PDT by clove (God, Country and Family, the truth will live!)
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To: JoeProBono

That is just WRONG!


39 posted on 07/22/2011 7:48:09 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Nothing is so bad that a good skirl on the Pipes can't cure! Long live sionnsar!)
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To: IM2MAD

Now my screen is all wavy!


40 posted on 07/22/2011 7:52:56 AM PDT by Tatze (I reject your reality and substitute my own!)
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To: IM2MAD

That was wierd!!!


41 posted on 07/22/2011 7:54:23 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Nothing is so bad that a good skirl on the Pipes can't cure! Long live sionnsar!)
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To: Lucky9teen





42 posted on 07/22/2011 7:58:13 AM PDT by Scythian
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To: Lucky9teen

Yay....Party time.


43 posted on 07/22/2011 7:59:08 AM PDT by CSM (Keeper of the "Dave Ramsey Fan" ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Q: WHY WERE ALL HURRICANES NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.

44 posted on 07/22/2011 8:01:32 AM PDT by N. Theknow (Si Ego Certiorem Faciam Mihi Tu Delendus Eris)
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To: Lucky9teen

45 posted on 07/22/2011 8:10:48 AM PDT by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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To: Lucky9teen

46 posted on 07/22/2011 8:26:33 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: clove
Nice "bug" we also have a '73 vw bus sitting on a Chev Blazer chassis with a 4.3L in the center....we call it the "Beast"

Well, at least it will be able to get out of its own way. Last time I was behind a VW bus, I swear we were going backwards.

47 posted on 07/22/2011 8:32:53 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Rose, there's a Messerschmitt in the kitchen. Clean it up, will ya?)
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To: EQAndyBuzz
Problem is 2 years later, when I am looking for something in the garage, I find a bag with a bunch of things labeled “spare parts.”

Well, ya see, there's yer problem. If you just take them out of the bag and throw them in a bin, or a drawer, they are no longer spare parts, they are inventory for future projects.

48 posted on 07/22/2011 8:34:52 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Rose, there's a Messerschmitt in the kitchen. Clean it up, will ya?)
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To: fredhead

“Probably mixed in with the extra VW parts........”

At least it will be labeled.


49 posted on 07/22/2011 8:37:05 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (As long as the MSM covers for Obama, he will be above the law)
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To: IYAS9YAS
This thing tows "Herbie" on a tandem trailer going t0 down the highway with AC running inside...nice ride. I love to drive it and we get many strange looks.

Photobucket>

50 posted on 07/22/2011 8:37:24 AM PDT by clove (God, Country and Family, the truth will live!)
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