(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

We got yo money.
Gonna borrow mo money.
Gonna spend yo money.
Gonna print mo money.

*Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
 

*The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
 

*Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
 

*The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
 

*The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
 

*The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
 

*U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
 

 

...and that says it all.

Government Efficiency

I went into the Department of Motor Vehicles to obtain the title and license plates for my new truck.

After spending five minutes typing all my personal information into a computer, the DMV clerk pulled out a huge book to look up the excise tax for the vehicle. I mentioned that, since she had a networked computer, it would seem more efficient to just enter the information in the computer and have it look up the tax rather than create, print, and distribute such a large book.

She looked at me in that serious, governmental clerk manner and said, "They can't do that. The information changes too quickly."

Rules Of Washington D.C

- If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

- Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

- There is always one more son of a gun than you counted on.

- An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

- Chicken little only has to be right once.

- "NO" is only an interim response.

- You can't kill a bad idea.

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

- The truth is a variable.

- A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.

- You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

- A promise is not a guarantee.

- If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

Very Taxing

A little boy wanted $100, badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Obama. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Obama thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

The Democratic Party

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?"

"About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly.

"NO!" exploded the teacher..."I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?"

"Well", replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall & every night he puts his hands to his chin and says 'I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!'"

[Arrowhead1952]

Subject: FW: Paddy the fire fighter

Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there’s a high rise building on fire.

Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.

Paddy yells to the people, “I’m Paddy Michael Fitzpatrick, an Irish Fire Fighter on holiday. I’m also a Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I’ll catch you!”

One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.

Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him as well.

Then Obama jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn’t even attempt to catch him. Paddy looks up and yells, “Don’t be throwin’down the burnt ones...!!!!”

Warning!! If you laugh at this, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Rev. Wright will be coming to kick yo ass!

[fredhead]

Those who know of me here know that I am a classic VW owner. Here's a picture from John Muir's book "How To Keep Your Volkswagen Alive - A Manual Of Step By Step Procedures For The Compleat Idiot"



Some Assembly Required
Come to think of it, I had mine torn down almost that far.....

[irish guard]

Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their Travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: October 16, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. F***ing hot down here!

[JoeProBono]

[clove]

Thanks Lucky...I really need this today. Your work is greatly appreciated.

[OB1kNOb]

ARRRGH! The brown acid flashbacks are happening again! Make them stop!

[Ro_Thunder]

Top 25! (not counting your post(s)!

[OB1kNOb]

Gud gawd! She looks like a 60’s nightmare!

[EQAndyBuzz]

“Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.”

I love some assembly required. Problem is 2 years later, when I am looking for something in the garage, I find a bag with a bunch of things labeled “spare parts.”

[clove]

Glenn Beck said that the masks were coming off for the “Progressives”, I guess he was right!LOL

[OB1kNOb]

[JRios1968]

Laz's steam-powered Imperial Walker

[OB1kNOb]

And I thought the masks were pretty scary, but....!

[fredhead]

Daughter wants to go tubing behind the boat. So I get the big tube out of storage and inflate it. It has a leak. Now where is that little patch kit that came with it when I bought it last summer?

Probably mixed in with the extra VW parts........

[OB1kNOb]

I always enjoy your excellent creative artwork, but don’t go all Andy Warhol on us! LOL!

[clove]

My husband is a VW nut also….here is his neverending project! >

www.stephensherbie.com

[fredhead]

Posted it before, but here is Heidi, my 69

[clove]

Nice "bug" we also have a '73 vw bus sitting on a Chev Blazer chassis with a 4.3L in the center....we call it the "Beast"

>

[Monkey Face]

That is just WRONG!

[Tatze]

Now my screen is all wavy!