(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

National Dog Day

When : Always August 26th

National Dog Day is intended to honor dogs for all that they do for us. In addition to giving love and companionship, dogs help us out in countless ways. They are watchdogs for our safety. They lead the blind. Dogs aid in search and rescue, and they seek out bombs and drugs. It's an opportunity for us to recognize and appreciate the value and importance of dogs in our lives.


A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban  sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man,? "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,? "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Do Not Use Computers...

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows 7.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon is very frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Do Not Use Computers...

1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.*

[Lucky9teen]

[Disambiguator]

Top Ten!

[Lucky9teen]

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CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

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You Are a Bullmastiff

You are confident, reasonable, and very calm. Nothing shakes you up.
It's likely that you were a bit wild when you were younger, but you've gotten that out of your system.

The only time you get aggressive is when someone tries to threaten or harm you in some way.
There's a little bit of wolf underneath all that sheep's clothing!

What Breed of Dog Are You?

[the_devils_advocate_666]

Top 5 at least!

[Dead Corpse]

Your fault the servers popped. Admit it... ;-)

[proudpapa]

Yippee!

First time in the top!

[TomGuy]

Event that transpired during the FR crash:

JohnRob calls Tech Support



Gets transferred:

"Hello. This is Peggy."



"You gotst problem? Please hold while I find that cable.

Thank You."



"Goodbye."

[proudpapa]

T E N!

[Currentriverrat]

TGIF!

[Disambiguator]

Top two, even!

[verity]

NEWS: President Obama has just confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as “Bush’s Fault”. Obama also announced the Secret Service and Maxine Waters will continue an investigation of the quake’s suspicious ties to the Tea Party. Conservatives however have proven that it was caused by the founding fathers rolling over in their graves. Don’t be alarmed with the earthquakes... That is just the Country shifting to the RIGHT!!

[verga]

10

[ShadowAce]

WoohOo!! It’s back up!!!!

[JoeProBono]

[Tatze]

Top 15!!

[Tatze]

Obama assured America that Irene is not to be taken too seriously. It will just blow hot air and fizzle out after a little while.

Irene said the same thing about Obama.

[secret garden]

Thanks for posting the thread again! Happy Friday!

[Tatze]

Obama issued new orders for Marines in Afghanistan banning farting.

Its the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell” policy.

[dead]

[BibChr]

Top Twenty!

Hither and Thither