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Cucumber Shoplifter Plunges to Death
The New Age (South Africa ^ | Oct 17 2011 | Itumeleng Mafisa

Posted on 10/19/2011, 8:14:39 PM by nickcarraway

A man who had stolen a cucumber jumped from the second floor of a shopping mall in a bid to escape his pursuers and unfortunately plunged to his death.

Shocked shoppers at the Southgate Mall watched in horror as the man lay dead on the ground floor.

Police said the man was detained by security guards at the mall after he was caught stealing a “farm-fresh green cucumber from Woolies”.

“He was then detained by security, in the control room and later the police came to pick him up. On the way out, the suspect then threw himself off the top floor, and died on the scene,” said police spokesperson Bert Otto, who couldn’t believe the situation himself.

Otto said the identity of the “cucumber thief” was yet to be determined.

Tshepo Nkwana, 21, who was out shopping with friends, said the sight of the dead man lying on the ground was traumatising.

“I had never seen anything like that, we were just strolling around the mall when we heard the sound of something falling on to the floor.”

“When I took a second glance and the floor was covered in blood, we saw there was a man on the floor. That’s when everyone noticed and ran to see what was going on,” he said.

Molatelo Shai an employee at the mall, who witnessed the fall, said the man died a sad death.

“How can someone sacrifice their life for a vegetable?” asked Shai, who works for Nedbank.

Minutes after the fall, the photo of the dead man was circulating on social networks across the country.


TOPICS: Food; Miscellaneous; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:14:41 PM by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

That must be one helluva cucumber!


2 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:18:27 PM by Darteaus94025
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To: nickcarraway
Who's in charge of the cucumber PING list here?


3 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:19:53 PM by Revolting cat! (Let us prey!)
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To: Darteaus94025

Had to be a vegan, those crazy ba$tards! /sarc


4 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:20:20 PM by SgtHooper (The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.)
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To: nickcarraway

I hope it wasn't Otter.

5 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:21:11 PM by dfwgator
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To: nickcarraway

Two lesbians at a supermarket yesterday afternoon were buying an English cucumber. “Let’s get one to eat, too,” I overheard one say to the other.


6 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:21:23 PM by Revolting cat! (Let us prey!)
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To: nickcarraway

"..it's perfrickry queer to me"

7 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:25:11 PM by Doogle ((USAF.68-73..8th TFW Ubon Thailand..never store a threat you should have eliminated))
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To: Slings and Arrows

Ping


8 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:27:27 PM by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

Hendrick’s Recommends:

2.5 parts gin

.5 parts dry vermouth

1 cucumber slice

Stir in a mixing glass and strain in a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a cucumber.


9 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:27:34 PM by Revolting cat! (Let us prey!)
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To: nickcarraway

Did he also steal a condom?


10 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:31:19 PM by JPG (America is worth saving. All hands on deck!)
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To: nickcarraway

Made the wrong choice in trying to get out of that pickle.


11 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:31:56 PM by PBRSTREETGANG
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To: Revolting cat!

Those look like zuchinis, not cucumbers.


12 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:33:13 PM by eastforker
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To: dfwgator

Some lines from movies are eternal. “Mine’s bigger.”


13 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:34:11 PM by Loud Mime (The Obama voters are dumber than you think, meaner than you can imagine)
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To: nickcarraway; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...
His last words were "Million-to-one shot, doc! Million-to-one!"


14 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:34:39 PM by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: nickcarraway

Last words: “Damn fine cucumbers!...I’d jump two stories for these!”


15 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:35:38 PM by AngelesCrestHighway
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To: nickcarraway

>> after he was caught stealing a “farm-fresh green cucumber”

Maybe the punishment for stealing a “farm-fresh, green cucumber” is a lot worse than if you steal a regular old cucumber and he was driven to suicide by dispair.

If it had been an “organically grown, sun-drenched, free roaming, farm-fresh, green cucmber” they may have shot him on the spot.


16 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:35:59 PM by Nonsense Unlimited
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To: PBRSTREETGANG

“You’ll never take me alive, coppers!”


17 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:36:00 PM by Deaf Smith
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To: nickcarraway

He probably watched too many movies where people are jumping off of stuff and getting away. Hindsight being 20/20... he probably should have tried working his way up to two stories. When I was a child my cousin and I pretended we were paratroopers and jumped from ever higher parts of my grandma’s roof until we worked our way up to a couple stories. Of course we only weighed about 60 pounds and she put a stop to it when she caught us.


18 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:36:16 PM by fireman15 (Check your facts before making ignorant statements.)
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To: Deaf Smith

not another cucumber death, what’s the count up to?


19 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:40:26 PM by brivette
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To: eastforker
Zucchini.


20 posted on 10/19/2011, 8:40:40 PM by Revolting cat! (Let us prey!)
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