What Do Deodorant And Voting Have In Common?
That silly audience thought he was singing to them...
Think Obama Is Incompetent?
There's An App For That...
Posted on 01/27/2012 4:52:38 AM PST by Lucky9teen
That silly audience thought he was singing to them...
Top 50 !
“I have the right to remain silent, I just don’t have the ability.” -Ron “Tater Salad” White
‘Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there’s a robot bartender!
The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Whiskey.”
The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “168.”
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space, exploration and
medical technology.
The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes
back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Whiskey.”
Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “100.”
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser, the Saints and
LSU Tigers
The guy leaves, but finds this very interesting, so he thinks he will
try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Whiskey,” and the robot brings him his whiskey.
The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “Uh, about 50.”
The robot leans in real close and says,
“So, . . . you people still happy with Barack Obama?”
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”
The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
Two men in restroom stalls:
First Man: “hey there’s no toilet paper here, is there any toilet paper over there?”
Second Man: “no, none over here either.”
First Man: (pause) “Well, do you have change for a twenty?”
Thanks for the jokes - needed that this week!
For your reading pleasure……
Some Cheech and Chong from the 70’s
Hey there swingin’ guys and girls, got a big date tonight but got a ZIT in the middle of your forehead?
I mean the big juicy kind, the ones that look like a third eye?
Well, if they’ve been calling you Cyclops, don’t get upset.
‘Cause now there’s new Hickey-Off Pimple Pads……..by BRILLO, HEY!!!!
Hickey-Off doesn’t just work on the surface, but goes down and RIPS ‘EM OUT BY THE ROOTS!!!!!
And for those moon-sized craters you’ll have in your head, there’s Hickey-Off Plastic Filler.
Comes complete with a putty knife, sandpaper, and flesh toned paint for all the rough spots.
So get it together with Hickey-Off Pimple Pads and Filler.
Now back to Un-American Bandstand where we have the winner of the name the three songs contest.
And that winner is, from Seconal, NC, Chacta Ortega.
And Chacta correctly identified the three most played songs in the history of the English language as: Auld Lang Syne, Happy Birthday to You, and In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, HEY!!
So Chacta you win that blind date with Stevie Wonder. Right on!!
Excellent...and short, too!
Guns and Roses Played on a Harp by two absolutely beautiful Twins, it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen, check it out ..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIPj3hLNYls
Just d-mn!
LOL!! Good one!
Who are you pulling for?
THE PAT’S
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