When : Always February 10th
Posted on 02/10/2012 4:59:55 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Goooooooood Morning Freepers......
Rise and shine and get on your silliness game face folks, it's gonna be a tough one out there today.
And to get ya'll in the mood, I'm spinning some tunes for ya. Here's a classic hit, that'll get you going.
And here's a a rockabilly remake, it's sure to get you singing along.
But wait, here's one, that'll be sure to make you giggle...
Now get on out there and get your silliness on. And while you do, you can pump it up to this...
And one more classic hit, to get you going....you just don't hear this great kind of music anymore.
When : Always February 10th
Umbrella Day is in honor of one of the world's most invaluable inventions. On a rainy, day, we are sure glad that someone was smart enough to invent it. It's also increasingly popular to use umbrellas to shade ourselves from harmful UV radiation, and the heat of the sun.
Umbrellas come in all sorts of sizes, colors, shapes, and, designs. Businesses and organizations use them for advertising. The smallest umbrellas fit inside a purse or glove compartment. Golf umbrellas are popular sizes. Then, there are lawn and beach umbrellas. There's one (or two) made just for you.
Celebrate Umbrella Day in a couple of ways. First, make sure your umbrella is handy. Second, use it, or walk around with it. If you don't have an umbrella, isn't it time to get one?
What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals
and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit
your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway,
leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball,
slicing it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.
Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent
look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends,
your opponent says: “Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don’t find
it in time, I’ll concede the match.”
You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet
from the pin.
About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent
exclaim from deep in the woods: “I found it!”. The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out
of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from
the hole.
With that said, the “what if” question is:
What if you had your opponent’s ball in your pocket?
____
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you’re a pansy. If you work too hard ... there’s never any time for her. If you don’t work enough ... you’re a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks ... it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... it’s male indifference. If you cry ... you’re a wimp. If you don’t ... you’re an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you’re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy ... that’s domination. If she asks you ... it’s a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you’re a pervert. If you don’t ... you’re gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you’re sexist. If you don’t ... you’re unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you’re vain. If you don’t ... you’re a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you’re after something. If you don’t ... you’re not thoughtful. If you’re proud of your achievements ... you’re full of yourself. If you don’t ... you’re not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she’s tired. If you have a headache ... you don’t love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you’re oversexed. If you don’t ... there must be someone else.
So: Why do men die first? Because they want to.
WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE
Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-
“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a huge failure because of the following:
1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.
8. ..and in Australia and New Zealand they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
_____
What’s easier to pickup the heavier it gets?
Women.
_____
I was eating a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a
jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two
days.’ I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power.’
I took my last Biology exam 40 years ago. I was asked to name two things commonly
found in cells. Apparently “Blacks” and “Mexicans” were NOT the correct
answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald’s at lunch time. She said ‘sorry about the
wait.’ I said, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll find a way to lose it eventually ‘
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out,
he looked at me and said ‘Any Change?’ I said, ‘Nope, you’re still black’
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight. I thought to myself, ‘fat chance,’ with a face like that!
A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing
by asks ‘What’s wrong, lad?’ The boy says ‘Me ma died this morning.’ ‘Oh
bejaysus,’ The man says. ‘Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?’ The
boy replies, ‘No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.’
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But
since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works
best.
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her
mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself...’I’m going to take that.’
A man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer
in the fields and shouts to him ‘Where am I?’ The Irish farmer looks back up and
shouts back. ‘You’re in that fu?kin’ basket.’
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was, Where
do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I
know they wanted the name of a country?
("stolen" from Daffynition)
LOL! In line at Micky D’s! You made me LOL!
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