Skip to comments.(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Posted on 08/03/2012 6:02:56 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. ~ Mark Twain
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.
All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the good old-fashioned First Amendment of the good old-fashioned Constitution of the United States -- and to hell with the censors! Give me knowledge or give me death!
― Kurt Vonnegut
Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage. ~ Winston Churchill
To sin by silence, when they should protest, makes cowards of men.
― Abraham Lincoln All censorships exist to prevent anyone from challenging current conceptions and existing institutions. All progress is initiated by challenging current conceptions, and executed by supplanting existing institutions. Consequently, the first condition of progress is the removal of censorship.
― George Bernard Shaw
Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts. ― Daniel Patrick Moynihan
The struggle for a free intelligence has always been a struggle between the ironic and the literal mind. ― Christopher Hitchens
Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire. ― Abbie Hoffman
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. ~ Marshall Lumsden
I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking ~ Woodrow T. Wilson
Woohoo!!! It’s finally Friday!!!!
TOP FIVE TWO WEEKS IN A ROW!!!!!
WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO TGIF
Top 10. Happy Friday!
Wild Bill for America
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 A.M. and asked where he is
going at this time of night.
The elderly man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about gambling, alcohol
abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The elderly man replies, “That would be my wife!”
U.S. Government Irony
The SNAP/Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us to “Please Do Not Feed The Animals.” This is because the animals may grow dependent on handouts and not learn to take care of themselves.
Thus endeth todays Lesson.
Texting For Seniors
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts.
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can’t get up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can’t Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI: (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In)
I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner!
I use shampoo in the shower!
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and
printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,
“FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.”
No wonder I have been gaining weight!
Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering
with Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads,
“DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”
So, he sees a girl wearing a sweatshirt that says “GUESS”
He says - Implants?
and then the fight began
That video had me cracking up! It is amazingly silly for such a serious production.
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault ‘Clio’ and the Ford ‘Taurus’ they have designed the ‘Clitaurus’. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace when it becomes troublesome.
I get irritated when people come down on our police officers saying that they don’t care. Well, here is a story that shows not all cops are in that category.
The Joplin , Missouri Police Department reported finding a man’s body last Saturday in the Spring River near the Empire Electric Plant. The police would not release the dead man’s name until his family had been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting “someone” in Riverton , Kansas. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, nipple rings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt.
The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare the man’s family any unnecessary embarrassment.
Police Do Care.
My wife was screaming at me: “Leave!! Get out of this house!” she ordered.
As I was walking out the door she yelled, “I hope you die a slow and painful death!”
So I turned around and replied, “So now you want me to stay.
This is very worth the watch.
An upbeat feel good thing. To bad more people around the world don’t dance instead of protests, conflicts and wars.
That must be British, because “humor” is spelled “humour.”
Keeps stopping after 20 seconds
Sin ... zed ... pie.
I was at Walmart, buying a bag of Purina Dog Chow for my dog, in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, right?
So on impulse, I told her that I didn’t have a dog, but I was starting the Purina Diet again and that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no.
I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s butt and a car hit me.