One witch told another witch, "I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker."
Don't bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party.
He won't show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they're all transparent.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
A vampire joined the police force so he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.
The ghost was lonely because he didn't have a ghoulfriend.
Who do they call when a demon needs a personal trainer? The exercist!
Hall o' wiener: when I decorated my foyer with sausage.
Pumpkin juice + Chardonnay = Hallow'ine?
Impossible to track down: the Wherewolf.
The vampire was known for his awful puns. They called him Count Dreckula.
The giant sea-lizard was a bit of a practical joker. They called him Goadzilla.
We all know about the rash of unexplained deaths in the village of Sleepy Hollow.
But, as an unfortunate sidebar, to deal with all the corpses was a most incompetent funeral director,
nicknamed the Heedless Hearseman.
Hansel and Gretel must have misread the invitation – they thought they'd been asked to join the witches coven!
Do posh demons go cruising in a coupe devil?
Some prefer getting candy on Halloween, but two days later I like to go out and collect shoes. I call it All Soles Day.
The wandering minstrel was excited about trick-or-treating. He said, “I hear there's gonna be lute!”
My house is haunted by the ghosts of a thousand chickens. It's just like that movie, Poultrygeist.
The Irishman was visited by a ghost while making moonshine. "I can't sleep at night," the man said, "it haunts me still. " (Irish accent needed)
Mary Shelley wrote about her good friend Benjamin Franklin's obsession with German beer. She called it ‘Frank and stein'.
Where do zombies 'get down'? In the raveyard. (A good place to get tombstoned?)
You hear about the play they staged in a cemetery? It got grave reviews.
Was the TV newsman haunted by his exact double? Yes, it was a Koppelganger.
Skeletonnes are heavier than they look.
A skeleton's favourite Billy Idol song? ‘Bony Bony…'.
Never ask a warlock where he works: it tends to be a ‘sorce' spot.
In Canada the werewolves are obsessed with ‘hockey hairdos'. In fact they can only be killed with a silver mullet.
When demons go to university, they get to take a lot of hellectives.
With the gay president
