***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Tips for Avoiding U.S. Drone Strikes

One sure fire way to avoid being targeted is to assume the low information voter position. This is a modified duck and cover pose, just stick your head between your legs and…well you know the drill. Otherwise, here are some other suggestions:

1. Join the church where Al Sharpton is a preacher. No one knows where it is.
2. If you can’t find it, join the church Obama frequents.
3. If you can’t find that: register as a Republican Senate candidate from New York, New Jersey, or California.
4. Get a federal “green energy” loan, then declare bankruptcy. The U.S. government will cover for you.
5. Proclaim you are a victim of black-on-black crime. The media will render you invisible.
6. Come out as a black conservative. The media will render you unrecognizable.
7. If you are a woman: confess that Bill Clinton or Ted Kennedy once propositioned you.
8. Hide in the back of a Massachusetts senator’s submerged car. It will buy you at least a few hours.
9. Become a member of Obama’s Job Council.
10. Insert yourself in the next 2,000-page bill.
11. Follow Jesse Jackson to an honest day’s work.
12. Get friendly with Sandra Fluke. Nobody has ever been able to find any of those guys.
13. Say “Hi, I’m Jon Huntsman and I’m still running for president.”
14. Pretend you’re a salad; at least the First Lady won’t spot you.
15. Never walk in New York holding a 16oz Styrofoam soda cup.
16. Never drink from a bottle of water in front of a camera. This will put you in the media spotlight 24/7 for days.
17. Get in line at the DMV or another government office; by the time you emerge, drones will be obsolete.
18. Impersonate an American taxpayer.
19. Hide in plain sight in Benghazi; it makes a lot of difference.
20. Camp out at Obama’s shooting range; no one is ever there.
21. Stay where Obama keeps his college transcripts, U.S. passport records, or financial records. You will never be disclosed.
22. Set up in one of Chicago’s highest murder-rate zones. A truckload of fighters with RPGs will go undetected.
23. Hold a sign, preferably bilingual, declaring a “Drone-Free Zone.”
24. Buy a Prius or Chevy Volt
25. Put a COEXIST bumper sticker on your car
26. Avoid racist code words like "budget" or "fiscal responsibility"........or "Lie"
27. Are you a Conservative Blogger? Maybe you shouldn't be....
28. If you are a world famous rapper or movie star, remember drone strikes never hit the Obama's campaign bus
29. Minorities....it's better to have a victim mentality, than to be a drone strike victim.
30. If you are Caucasian.....going tanning will ensure that Obama won't target you for drone attacks.
31. If all else fails....contribute to Obama's campaign.

[BerryDingle]

Hospital Procedures

Standard Hospital pricing procedure

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.� It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.'

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?' The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a Democrat's brain; $200 for a Republican's brain.'
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans. A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the Democrat's brain so much more than a Republican's brain?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans' brains a lot lower because they're used."

[IM2MAD]

Australian school’s answering machine message. Very good example for NY schools.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0

[CatherineofAragon]

LOL...like!

[MarineBrat]

[Jane Long]

Excellent!

[BerryDingle]

Winter Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling, and him pushing,

the little boots still didn’t want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,

‘Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.’

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off,
than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on,
this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots.’

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and
scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’
like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting
boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,

‘They’re my brother’s boots. But my Mom made me wear ‘em today.’

Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to

wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,

‘Now, where are your mittens?’

He said, ‘I stuffed ‘em in the toes of my boots.’

She’ll be eligible for parole in three years.

[BerryDingle]

I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my friend Dale,

“That’ll be us in ten years.”

He turned to me and said, “That’s a mirror, you dumb $_it.”

[Old Sarge]

[Old Sarge]

[Old Sarge]

[Liberty Valance]

[martin_fierro]

[CatherineofAragon]

I see a red X....I got nuthin’!

[Old Sarge]

Nuts...

[Arrowhead1952]

I see a red X....I got nuthin’!

Click on the red X. Copy and paste the properties into your browser and hit enter.

[Arrowhead1952]

Here it is from earlier.

[TheOldLady]

[smiles] Me too!

[Liberty Valance]

Click on the red X. Copy and paste the properties into your browser and hit enter.

*oops*

[TheOldLady]

LOL! I saw it! You were pretty fast posting it, too.

[CatherineofAragon]

I got it! Thank you—I didn’t know about that trick.

Love the cat, LOL