Posted on 04/20/2013 7:05:25 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
FNN Exclusive: FNN has learned that President Obama has called his National Security Organization directors into an emergency session following the Marathon Bombing and subsequent apprehension of alleged Tea Party Radicals.
The pressing matter requiring the emergency meeting was the matter of performance bonuses. The President has determined that the DHS, DOJ, and other agencies have performed in an outstanding matter justifing 30% performance bonuses.
Although they did not prevent the bombing and the subsequent carnage apprehending the perpetrators, the situation could have been worse had these agencies not been involved.
Butch Napolitano reminded everyone present of the other 363 days of the year where there had been no bombings or shootouts with terrorists in the City of Boston as a result of her agency's diligence.
Eric "The Corrupt" Holder stated that he was personally leading the department in an effort to determine which company produced the pressure cookers and would prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law for producing defective products and selling them to terrorists without a background check. Eric stated that pressure cookers should be able to withstand a full load of TNT without losing pressure or exploding. He shuddered at the thought of grandma killing neighbors with a batch of secret recipe canned squash and okra. Eric stated that DOJ would use it full range of legal tools including intimidation, extortion, bribery, etc. to ensure this never happened again.
Director Mueller, having been awakened from a power nap by the BATF director, informed everyone present that the FBI had determined that the terrorists were not really Islamic terrorist but, in fact, were Tea Party members disguised as Islamic terrorists. Agents had come to this conclusion through rigorous scientific methodology and mindmelding seances at local bar.
The Acting, Acting director of BATF stated that he had nothing to officially add as he was only acting and couldn't say anything that could incriminate himself.
Slow Joe Biden added a little levity to the meeting by suggesting that the Acting, Acting director of BATF be given an acting bonus.
The President concluded the meeting noting that the money to pay for all the bonuses would be extracted from each Department's budget and blamed upon the Sequester.
That does it. I’m changing my name to Simon Bar Sinister so it will look cool in the paper when they catch me.
National Bureaucrats getting their stories straight?
Is this a Semmens wannabe?
Are you SURE that this is satire? Having worked in corporate and goobermint bureaucracies this seems very plausible to me.
You’ve been there too?
Lame
“There is something about this president that seems to not want to accept that there is a systemic problem here: Islamism and its vicious foot soldiers – most prominently, al Qaeda – who want to do away with our freedom.
What’s more, the problem seems to be expanding in that those overseas are succeeding in convincing American citizens and residents to act against their own country.”
http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2013/04/20/holding-people-responsible/
Gotta do something before Beck shows the vid of B Wacky putting the torch to the Reichstag!
“Future News Now” is a hoax site.
LOL
Every bit as good as.......
Probably better.
Obama Convenes National Security Team, Legal Questions Surface After Bombing Arrest
—
afraid of Glen Beck?
This just in: The administration closes barn door AFTER the horse escaped.
Why not AFTER the bombing instead?
since it is future news I am figuring this is satire....unfortunately it will probably happen
Attendees later commented admiringly on the President’s grasp of the issues when he said, “We’ve got to take a firm grip, have a wide stance, keep our eye on the ball, & follow through”.
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