Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 06/07/2013 6:16:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Woohoo!! Finally made it in before the ping!!!
Yes! Need silliness.....Zero and some chinaman coming to our valley today - road closures abound.
Not to mention somewhat multi-colored....
Days of Soda and Pretzels and Beer.
And another epic Pittsburgh Pirates collapse.
I just swapped my riding gloves for the fingerless ones this morning. We're expecting 91 degrees (F) today in the Treasure Valley. (I usually commute on a bicycle.)
So, yes, I'm ready for summer!
Panks for the thing every Friday!
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?
10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it is really “after light”?
12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?
IN OTHER NEWS:
Obama discovers ear...
It cooled off this week here in Gotham.
Last week it was so hot that I saw a dog chasing a squirrel in the park and they were both walking.
Not from BJ Ice Cream you won’t. Not with a liberal on the label, anyway.
And it's a comedy.
And the audience is in stitches ALL THE TIME.
No, no, you're wrong, he's beached himself! There's been a mass beaching at the pier!
Help me push these magnificent creatures back to the sea where they belong!
SAVE THE WHA... hold it...
To really get the humor visit this site.
Looks like a bowl of human fruit-loops.
I’ve boycotted Ben & Jerry’s for years, but if they ever actually came out with this flavor I wouldn’t hesitate to buy it.
“1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?”
Lucas once made a vacuum cleaner. It’s the only product they ever offered that didn’t suck.
The three-position Lucas switch - dim, flicker and off.
The other three-position Lucas switch - smoke, smolder and burn.
Someone once told Joseph Lucas his electrical components suffered from short circuits. His solution: longer wires.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because they have Lucas refrigerators.
Anyone who’s ever owned a British car will know what I’m talking about. :)
I don't understand... doesn't everyone stand in support of their team?
“23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?”
For that matter, why is “monosyllabic” such a long word?
Well, it makes sense that sitting in stands would make sense to an architect.
From an old Gunsmoke episode, Doc asks Festus why he didn’t learn to read. Festus replies:
“If I was to learn to read writin’, how would I know that the person that was writin’ the writin’ was writin’ the writin’ right? I might be reading wrong writin’, don’t you see?”
Mom used to get really mad at Dad for his procrastination, especially if he was watching something on T.V. Remember in those days there was no cable, no remote, and we got exactly 3 channels. But it held Dad in thrall when it was on. So she would ask him to do something and he would tell her he would do it in couple of secs and he would forget and they would fight.
One day she called into the den (no “man cave” in those days) and said, “Honey, can you take the trash out?” He answered, as usual, “Just a couple of secs, dear.”
Well, Mom had had it. She shouted at the top of her lungs, “Secs, secs, secs. I’m sick of you and your secs. It’s never anything but secs with you.”
Unfortunately, I had just walked in the door with my friend.
I’ve never lived that one down.
My boss was a fence contractor in a previous life. He has nothing positive to say of architects.
I have to disagree with the British car electrical problems. I had a 74 Triumph Spitfire, the electrical system was the only thing that didn’t give me problems. Car lasted for 12 of the 18 payments and threw a rod.
IIRC, your Spit dates to around the time British Leyland was nationalized. Not sure your car throwing a rod was a coincidence...
There was a buddy of mine that had a ‘68 MGB and when the alternator went out he replaced it with one he pulled out of a Chrysler in a junkyard. He made the appropriate changes (mainly to make it play nice with a positive ground) and installed it.
When he was selling it, he had a prospective buyer who tried to knock a lot off his asking price because the alternator wasn’t original. My buddy’s response was: “So? It’s BETTER than the original!”
Apparently the original alternator in an MGB cannot keep the battery charged if you have the headlights on...
And BTW, Triumph is an acronym for “This Really Is Unreliable, Man, Please Help!”
Well, did you have to throw him to the NY Yankees? On top of abysmal hitting ever since he came here, now he's involved in a doping scandal.
Wait, you didn't say it threw A-ROD? Nevermind.
I didn’t know we are neighbors! Maybe you can come over for BBQ on the 4th? I use an electric grill in the kitchen because it has A/C.
Hou Lon is his name (question and statement).
They put AC on electric grills?!?!?!
I will be you there are between 1 and 2 million people in those stands.
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