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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 12/20/2013 5:15:05 AM PST by Lucky9teen

We're sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells"
will be replaced with the more cost-effective carol "Aluminum Bells."

Can you spot Obama taking a selfie?

Kids and Christmas:

"Santa's Lap"

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

-=+=-

"Christmas Pageant"

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom.
She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

-=+=-

"The Nativity Scene"

A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity.
The picture was very good, including Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus.
However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable, that just did not seem to fit in.
When the child was asked about it, she replied, "Oh, That's Round John Virgin."

-=+=-

"The Lost Purse"

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.
It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it.
Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: christmas; ofst; selfie; silliness
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To: Lucky9teen

17/20 - yay me!


41 posted on 12/20/2013 6:37:08 AM PST by Old Sarge (And Good Evening, Agent Smith, wherever you are...)
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To: Lucky9teen

I got all of ‘em right! What do I win?


42 posted on 12/20/2013 6:39:42 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Duck Dynasty's Robertson Angers Alcoholics, Philanderers
43 posted on 12/20/2013 6:46:42 AM PST by Heartlander (We are all Rodeo Clowns now!)
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To: Lucky9teen

44 posted on 12/20/2013 6:47:50 AM PST by upchuck (My Internet addiction is so bad... it's alt of ctrl.)
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To: BenLurkin
I'd like to join Commander Riker in applauding your most excellent post:


45 posted on 12/20/2013 6:50:12 AM PST by Old Sarge (And Good Evening, Agent Smith, wherever you are...)
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To: Lucky9teen
Flawless Victory...
46 posted on 12/20/2013 6:57:20 AM PST by Envisioning (It's the Jihad, stupid......)
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To: Lucky9teen

http://distractify.com/fun/fails/test-answers-that-are-totally-wrong-but-still-genius/

Wrong Test Answers that are Genius........


47 posted on 12/20/2013 6:58:30 AM PST by exit82 ("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers
I got all of ‘em right! What do I win?

Actually, the prize is a pair of Zircon Encrusted Tweezers ;)

48 posted on 12/20/2013 7:04:04 AM PST by exit82 ("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
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To: Lucky9teen
YAY! Made it to friday!
49 posted on 12/20/2013 7:09:09 AM PST by wyokostur
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To: exit82

Spot the error in the presentation of 20.


50 posted on 12/20/2013 7:23:41 AM PST by Moltke (Sapere aude!)
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To: Lucky9teen

A very Merry Christmas and a Joyful and Prosperous New Year to you, too!


51 posted on 12/20/2013 7:46:28 AM PST by Silentgypsy (Mondays should be outlawed.)
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To: Cyber Liberty

52 posted on 12/20/2013 7:53:40 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Cyber Liberty

NUDE SANTA -——

Scroll down to see the nude Santa...

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For crying out loud. Act your age. There is no Santa!!!

Sometimes I worry about you!


53 posted on 12/20/2013 8:08:29 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: exit82

Better sterilize ‘em first. Here’s my lighter.


54 posted on 12/20/2013 8:08:33 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Lucky9teen

The “Christmas sweater”. :)


55 posted on 12/20/2013 8:09:00 AM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: BenLurkin

56 posted on 12/20/2013 8:11:18 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: wyokostur

Important Holiday Advice

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.


57 posted on 12/20/2013 8:11:20 AM PST by IM2MAD (IM2MAD=Individual Motivated 2 Make A Difference)
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To: mykroar

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged:

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ... or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why.

DEPRESSION - Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...


58 posted on 12/20/2013 8:11:45 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: IM2MAD

For you Star Wars fans...

Luke! I am Father Christmas!

The fight between good and evil, an epic battle: Darth Vader and Luke. Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers “I know what you’re getting for Christmas!”

Luke exclaims “But how??!?”

“It’s true Luke, *breathe* I know what you’re getting for Christmas.”

Luke tries to ignore this, but tears himself free, screaming “How could you know this?!”

Vader replies, “I felt your presents.”


59 posted on 12/20/2013 8:23:39 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Disambiguator; Lucky9teen
Good one. I may have to “borrow” that.

Borrow? It's already been stolen, printed out and ready to hand to my Sunday School class in the morning.

60 posted on 12/20/2013 8:25:35 AM PST by Pan_Yan (Who told you that you were naked? Genesis 3:11)
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