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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 05/09/2014 6:04:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."

19 Gifts NOT To Buy For Mother's Day

1. Cleaning supplies

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.

2. A How-To book on parenting


Oh, hell no.

3. Sex

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
Is this a gift for you? Or your partner?

4. Lingerie.


Basically sex, but you’re expected to dress up for it, too. Swell.

5. Cellulite cream.


1. Joke gifts are not cool on Mother’s Day, 2. This had better be a joke gift if your significant other wants to live.

6. A bouquet of flowers picked from a neighbor’s yard.


Explaining to your neighbor why half of their flower bed has been torn up isn’t exactly how you want to spend Mother’s Day.

7. Tickets to a monster truck rally.

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
If you asked for these specifically this is an awesome gift. If not, WTF?

8. Nothing.

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
Really? Not even a card? You can really feel the love.

9. A homemade gift made by your kid without supervision.

A homemade gift made by your kid without supervision.
Homemade gifts are the best, that is, unless your kid took scissors to the living room drapes to acquire “materials.”

10. A coupon book.


Your family appreciates you so much that they got you 10% of your next visit to Chili’s.

11. Breakfast in bed made entirely by your kids.


This is adorable until you realize you’ll be dining on fuzzy, severely burned toast and scrambled eggs mixed with M&Ms.

12. A “Steak of the Month” club.


AKA how your significant other gets you to cook them a steak every month.

13. A frame… without a family photo in it.


The stock image photo of a family that comes with the frame may be cute, but you’d much prefer one of your own family.

14. Something from the bargain bin.


They say it’s the thought that counts, which is true, except for when the thought was to spend $3.99 or less.

15. A gift certificate to Weight Watchers.


What every mom wants to hear, “You’re a great mom! And fat!”

16. Exercise equipment or a gym membership.

Exercise equipment or a gym membership.
This one will go over about as well as the Weight Watchers gift certificate.

17. Something that’s more for the kids than you.


“Hey, Mom, mind if I play with your gift a little while?”

18. Slippers, muumuus, or anything else an octogenarian would love.

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
These are even worse when your significant other gives the same thing to their mother.

19. Anything bought the day of

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
“The kids and I have to, uh, just run out for a sec, hon!” FAIL.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; mom; mothersday; ofst; silliness
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To: workerbee

41 posted on 05/09/2014 7:23:07 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: a fool in paradise

42 posted on 05/09/2014 7:26:25 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: fredhead

43 posted on 05/09/2014 7:30:13 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: ErnBatavia

44 posted on 05/09/2014 7:31:19 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: a fool in paradise

45 posted on 05/09/2014 7:34:32 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

That is adorable!


46 posted on 05/09/2014 7:35:40 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Rummyfan

47 posted on 05/09/2014 7:36:15 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Arrowhead1952
She likes to show them off too, with low cut blouses and shirts.

Most of the men my age have the same problem only we call them "moobs"

48 posted on 05/09/2014 7:39:59 AM PDT by llevrok (Time for a change)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

Wish I could find an online picture of her. She turns 66 today. Hers are all natural too. I finally got the guts to ask her about a year ago.


49 posted on 05/09/2014 7:41:57 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

An, Mother’s Day! That’s the day you borrow a buck from mom to buy her a box of your favorite candy. Then you give it to her and say, “How did I ever pick such a wonderful mother?” And pop says, “Whatcha talking about? I picked her out, you just came along with the deal.”


50 posted on 05/09/2014 7:42:44 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: ErnBatavia



51 posted on 05/09/2014 7:44:09 AM PDT by MeshugeMikey ( "Never, never, never give up". Winston Churchill)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top what ever.


52 posted on 05/09/2014 7:47:21 AM PDT by llevrok
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To: Lucky9teen; All
 photo funny-signs-202.jpg

53 posted on 05/09/2014 7:51:48 AM PDT by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
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To: Hoffer Rand
He thinks because I'm not HIS mother, he shouldn't have to do anything for me.

That really stinks. I have a friend whose husband has the same attitude. He also happens to be a total mama's boy even after 20 yrs of marriage. It's gross.

54 posted on 05/09/2014 8:04:48 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1!)
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To: Lucky9teen
The real reason for Mother's Day


55 posted on 05/09/2014 8:05:09 AM PDT by llevrok
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To: workerbee

In Hubby’s case, I think it’s because he didn’t have children, so he never had to be responsible for helping little ones do something for his wife on Mother’s Day. After his first marriage ended, he was a bachelor for a LONG time. By the time we married, my children were adults.


56 posted on 05/09/2014 8:20:03 AM PDT by Hoffer Rand (Bear His image. Bring His message. Be the Church.)
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To: upchuck
Translation: "According to a serious survey 99.9% of males looking at this picture won’t notice the mouse on the donut!" h/t to Leo.

wow.  in my defense, it was trying it's best to blend in.

57 posted on 05/09/2014 8:25:03 AM PDT by zeugma (Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened - Dr. Seuss (I'll see you again someday Hope))
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To: upchuck

Not so easy to notice the mouse for all the pretty doughnuts in the front!


58 posted on 05/09/2014 8:35:25 AM PDT by Ingtar (The NSA - "We're the only part of government who actually listens to the people.")
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To: Lucky9teen

59 posted on 05/09/2014 8:39:54 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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To: Ingtar

That was a gay test. You noticed the donuts.

You failed. ;)


60 posted on 05/09/2014 8:40:31 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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