Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 07/18/2014 5:26:53 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Felipe Calderón, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.

Barack Obama says, "This is a fine bottle of wine Nicolas".

Upon hearing this, President Nicolas Sarkozy throws out a case of France's finest wine and says, "In France, fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"

Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin, who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka, "In Russia, premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River".

President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Felipe Calderón, and throws him out the window.



 

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."

The Mexican, of course, agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."

The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America !

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East . I am not American."

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Africa ."

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work.."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: border; illegals; ofst; silliness
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-8081-84 next last
To: Lucky9teen

3 boys were fishing on the Potomac river. 0 was jogging by, slipped, and fell in the river. The boys pulled him out.
0 said, “You boys name anything you want.”
The first said, “Season tickets to Yankees games.”
0 says, “You got it”.
The second says, “Trip to Disneyland for me and my family.”
0 says, “You got it”.
The third says, “A motorized wheel chair.”
0 says, “Why would a healthy young man want a wheel chair?”
“When my dad finds out I pulled you out, I’m gonna need it.”


41 posted on 07/18/2014 6:08:48 AM PDT by wdk535
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Dead Corpse

I love Weird Al, but these days he releases a new song parody and chances are good I’ve never heard the original.


42 posted on 07/18/2014 6:13:04 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

43 posted on 07/18/2014 6:26:54 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Two weeks in a row: Top SOMETHING!


44 posted on 07/18/2014 6:33:31 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When I told you I was normal, I may have exaggerated slightly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
 photo teachers_who_take_the_cake_for_awes_zps321fb03c.jpg
45 posted on 07/18/2014 6:35:28 AM PDT by SkyDancer (If you do not read the newspapers you are uninformed. If you do read the newspapers you are misinfo)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

46 posted on 07/18/2014 6:38:17 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

47 posted on 07/18/2014 6:42:16 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Thanks again Lucky9teen.

FMCDH(BITS)

48 posted on 07/18/2014 7:03:45 AM PDT by nothingnew (Hemmer and MacCullum are the worst on FNC)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
I don't recall my wife and I being taped. Where did you get that??!!

FMCDH(BITS)

49 posted on 07/18/2014 7:12:09 AM PDT by nothingnew (Hemmer and MacCullum are the worst on FNC)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Gramps has got himself some twerking moves!! That’s awesome!!


50 posted on 07/18/2014 7:20:47 AM PDT by Hoffer Rand (Bear His image. Bring His message. Be the Church.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

51 posted on 07/18/2014 7:34:17 AM PDT by relentlessly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
President Obama was dining out one night and was about to order dessert when a presidential aide whispered into his ear, “Mr. President, I apologize for interrupting, but you’re out of money.” “Let me be clear,” President Obama said, “that is just partisan right-wing fear mongering.” “No, Mr. President,” the aide continued. “Your personal budget is out of money. We need your permission to pull money from another part of the budget and put it into your account.” While waiting for the aide to return, Barack began watching the TV on the wall. As President Obama watched, he noticed a child approaching him, holding something suspicious. Before Obama could react, Secret Service agents jumped on the child, throwing him to the floor and frisking him. “Why were you rushing the president?” one agent, gun drawn, said to the boy. “Mmmfff, rrmmmfff, bbmmmfff,” the boy said, his face mashed against the floor. “Mr. President, this appears to be a piggy bank,” another agent said. He shook the piggy and added, “There seems to be money inside.” After agents released the child, the boy regained his composure and said to President Obama, “Mr. President, I heard that you ran out of money, and I’d like to help.” He took his piggy bank from the Secret Service agent and gave it to the president. “I hope this is enough to pay your bill.” One of the aides whispered to Obama, “Mr. President, you can’t accept money from a child.” “Let me be frank,” President Obama replied. “He’s going to have to pay for my spending sooner or later, so he might as well start now.” _____ Q. What does Barack Obama call Richard Nixon? A. An amateur. _____ Obama has finally balanced the budget. The national debt is now the same size as the economy. _____ The liberals are asking us to give Obama more time. I think 25-to-life would be a good start. _____ After all is said and done, Obama has said more than he's done.
52 posted on 07/18/2014 7:36:36 AM PDT by relentlessly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Loved the guy in the Racal suit!


53 posted on 07/18/2014 7:43:19 AM PDT by hoagy62 ("Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered..."-Thomas Paine. 1776)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 25 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

54 posted on 07/18/2014 7:46:00 AM PDT by relentlessly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: relentlessly

55 posted on 07/18/2014 7:50:24 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 51 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Dear Mr. Obama:

I’m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.

We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.

I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, the President of Mexico , that I’m on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking Government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. Please print all Mexican Government forms in English.

4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but I don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won’t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put U.S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I’ll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I’ll need income tax credits so that although I don’t pay Mexican taxes, I’ll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I’ll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all of his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that the President of Mexico won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Do you see how stupid this looks when you put it in writing????

Logic is dead.

Excellence is punished.

Mediocrity is rewarded.

And dependency is to be revered.

This is present day America.

When people rob banks they go to prison.

When they rob the taxpayer they get re-elected.


56 posted on 07/18/2014 8:00:29 AM PDT by relentlessly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen
Almost forgot ... It's wash day!


57 posted on 07/18/2014 8:01:44 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

58 posted on 07/18/2014 8:07:06 AM PDT by relentlessly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is much smarter than any cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON, and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop’s expense!

Irish cop says, “License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Irish cop says, “Ye didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Irish cop says, “Ye still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please, sir.”

London Lawyer says, “What’s the bloody difference?”

Irish cop says, “The difference is, the sign says stop, not slow down, so, ye havte come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”

London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

Irish cop says, “Sounds fair enough, please exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, “Now, ye English arsehole, do ye want me to stop, completely, or just fookin slow down?”


59 posted on 07/18/2014 8:09:50 AM PDT by Twotone (Marte Et Clypeo)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

60 posted on 07/18/2014 8:49:39 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-8081-84 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson