Childrens Books which never got published.

School Handout | 05/18/2004 | anonymous 9th gr. Eng. school teacher

[pageonetoo]

Childrens Books Which Never Got Published

Here’s a list of children’s book titles which for some reason or another that didn’t make it to your local book shop.

1. You Are Different and That’s Bad.

2. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad’s new wife Robert

4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do Book

6. The Kid’s Guide to Hitchhiking

. Katy Was So Bad Her Mummy Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go To Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That’s It, I’m Putting You Up For Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. This Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop! Goes the Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Mrs Electrical Outlet be Friends?

27. Places Where Mummy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Given to my daughter’s class by her 9th Grade English School teacher.

[Fester Chugabrew]

The Berenstain Bears: In the Woods We Go

[Preachin']

29. That TV is a priveledge, and not a right.

[general_re]

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

Never published? Think again ;)

[WSGilcrest]

A book that I like to buy for my friend's kids,

The American Boy's Handy Book: What to Do and How to Do It, by Daniel Carter Beard.

Always fun when they get to the chapter "Practical Taxidermy For Young Boys"

[Fester Chugabrew]

Big Guns and How They Work
Peter and the Pea Shooter
Tricks for Kids
Bessie the Cow Pie
Fester's Big Book of Shenanigans
Children's Guide to the Internal Revenue Service

[xsmommy]

i love them all!

[Fester Chugabrew]

Chuck E. Cheeze Lives Under the Bed

[xsmommy]

now that you have a child, here are some titles you need to bring home....; )

[COUNTrecount]

The Story of Babar Streisand ,The Little Elephant

[Kerberos]

I have seen this before and have always thought it was funny. However I am not sure it is appropriate for school. What was the subject matter being considered that prompted this to be passed out?

[<1/1,000,000th%]

I think #3 did make it.

[AmericanChef]

Let's not forget some popular series books:

Trailer Park Tales: Mommy's First Boyfriend
Trailer Park Tales: Mommy's Second Boyfriend
Trailer Park Tales: Mommy's Third Boyfriend
Trailer Park Tales: Mommy's Fourth Boyfriend
Trailer Park Tales: Mommy's Fifth Boyfriend

[Agnes Heep]

A long time ago I wrote some verses for an artist friend who was putting together one of these so-called children's books. Here are the few I remember:

My daddy's car is really great,
It has a stick shift and V-8,
It's great for driving into town,
Or running little doggies down.

There is a stranger on our street,
He wears a raincoat, boots and hat,
When children see him standing there,
They must not ever stop to chat.

The day I squealed on Uncle Sid,
I told my Daddy what he did,
Now Uncle Sid is off the streets,
And no one ever brings me sweets.

And this little parody of Maurice Sendak:

In September, for a while,
I will be a Pedophile,
Luring children with my guile.
Luring once; luring twice;
Luring Chicken Soup with Rice.

[Planet]

3. Dad’s new wife Robert

If this one isn't published yet, I would be surprised.

[Rebelbase]

One more:

Daddy's .45 at Show and Tell.

[biblewonk]

I like the Dr Soose(sp) list which includes:

The Grinches ten inches.

[Shooter 2.5]

Peter Rabbit-Tank Killer

[searchandrecovery]

Hot Dog! - The Fun Factory Tour

You Float My Boat (A Child's Guide to Bed-Wetting)

The Joy of Teenage Sex
All About Condoms (A popup book for teens)

[Hegewisch Dupa]

Strong anti-cat sentiment in the unpublishing world...

[xsmommy]

Hate 'em, personally : )