Posted on 07/17/2004 9:09:20 AM PDT by Xenalyte
Since 1982, the English Department at San Jose State University has sponsored the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels. The BLFC was the brainchild (or Rosemary's baby) of Professor Scott Rice, whose graduate school excavations unearthed the source of the line "It was a dark and stormy night." Sentenced to write a seminar paper on a minor Victorian novelist, he chose the man with the funny hyphenated name, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who was best known for perpetrating The Last Days of Pompeii, Eugene Aram, Rienzi, The Caxtons, The Coming Race, and--not least--Paul Clifford, whose famous opener has been plagiarized repeatedly by Snoopy.
(Excerpt) Read more at bulwer-lytton.com ...
Hands planted firmly on her hips, Lisle glared at Robert and explained, angrily "Shut up!"
Similes from High School Essays
http://baltimorechronicle.com/quotes_sep02.html
Hal knew he was in the dark, the cold dark the not seeing the light tangled in the sheets kind of dark, when the monsters under the bed can get you dark, and broke open the chemically activated foot warmer and inserted it into his boot, realizing that he had not felt that total body warmth and relief since he had peed his pants in second grade and it had run down his leg into his shoe.
The Story of my Life
by spodefly
It was a dark and stormy night when I was born a small boy, destined for tumult portended by meterological conditions coincident with my birth, thrown into a maelstrom of peripatetic activity, yet sanguine in my rectitude, facing a torpid vicissitude determined to obdurate, yet turgid in my amelioration of incessent obsequiousness.
...
(should I go on?)
Gummed nearly to death in the maw of his own indecision, Toby shook the magic eight-ball with all his might.
My apologies ... I didn't realize you had already used the word 'turgid' ...
Her eyes shone like the pants of a blue serge suit.
Ping.
Paco's face bore the verisimilitude of a smile, a fact he would have found immediately ironic in his moment of doom, had he not found it necessary to interrupt himself to look up the word 'verisimilitude.'
Thanks, those are some of the funniest things I've ever read. :=)
Regards, Ivan
Simone smiled, basking in the warm sunlight that made her life seem perfect at that moment; light that had departed the imploded, dead sun only eight minutes before.
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!" — Jean Sorensen, Herndon, VAThe revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. —Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse, NY
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. —Joseph Romm, Washington, DC
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. — Jerry Pannullo, Kensington, MD
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. —Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington, VA
(from the only 3 Dog Night song that I ever liked)
FMCDH(BITS)
'Hey, have I time for one more Twinkie,' begged 600lb Cindy Bigdrawers, as fire-fighters removed the window from her bedroom, before hooking up the hoist to lower her outside.
Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.
Phil sat at the jolly cafe, solemnly regarding his brioche. The little top-knot always reminded him of Melissa's breasts.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.