Have some rheumatism medicine and hush your mouth.
Posted on 10/15/2004 1:56:34 PM PDT by dirtboy
TERESA SHARES REMEDY FOR ARTHRITIS AT CAMPAIGN STOP: GIN AND WHITE RAISINS
'You get some gin and get some white raisins — and only white raisins — and soak them in the gin for two weeks. Then eat nine of the raisins a day'...
Sung to the tune of Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit
One raisin makes you louder
One more raisin makes you crawl
And the ninth raisin soaked with gin
Makes you feel nothing at all
Go ask Teresa
When she's off the wall
And if you go on eating raisins
And you know Lurch is going to fall
Tell the reporters to all shove it
And then empty out the bowl
Call Teresa
She knows it all
While the White Queen talks of shame
And Flipper slurs the South
Well the Red Queen eats more raisins
And puts her foot back in her mouth
Go ask Teresa
She’ll tell you where to go
When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy drunk
And Flipper’s talking backwards
Just get drunker than a skunk
Remember what Teresa said
Soak your head
Soak you head
Very clever and funny! Good one.
They just performed this on a local radio program. They couldn't get through the whole thing they were laughing so hard.
Have some rheumatism medicine and hush your mouth.
Kewl
That gin/raisin thing is a Paul Harvey remedy. I heard him give that advice out many times. The only thing she is missing is...you need Gin made from Juniper..the cheapest kind. It is so funny that she would take advice from someone else and pass it on. That is more like something I would do, being I am a country bumpkin that likes to try things like that to save money and do them naturally. I would be interested in finding out where she found that out?! Maybe she is a Paul Harvey fan...don't tell her weird husband that! Opps...I didn't read all the posts..sorry if someone already said this?
Why doesn't Heinz offer gin soaked raisins in a jar?
A GEM! Priceless gem, dirtboy!
ROFL!
Here's an oldie but goodie
Enjoy
FRUITCAKE RECIPE
1 cup water,
1 cup sugar,
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit,
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the dried fruit gets stuck on the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for consisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares.
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.
Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.
Who likes fruitcake anyway?
Brilliant. Good enough too make Al Yankovitz jealous.
*LOL*
It isn't from Mad Magazine but it certainly reads like their humor from the days when Harvey Kurtzman edited/wrote for the magazine (mid 1950s) as well as comedians like Ernie Kovacs, Bob & Ray, et al.
I've seen it before but it IS classic.
What radio program did they perform it on, BTW?
Garage Logic, KSTP AM 1500 in Minneapolis/St. Paul. Joe Soochery and 'the Rookie.' They thought it was great.
ping
Great. The entire Kerry campaign is definitely entering Alice In Wonderland territory. You can't make this stuff up.
Whshhhoooh . . . white raisin'
That was a good one!!! Classic!!
"I'm John Ffin Kerry and I approve this message."
And featuring Michael Moore as Humpty Dumpty: "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean-neither more nor less."
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