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Dam Beavers
email | Sept. 27, 2005

Posted on 09/27/2005 5:30:46 PM PDT by nuconvert

Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. The guy's response is hilarious, but you must read the State's letter first.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price, District Representative

Land and Water Management Division

 

** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: **

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green, and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.

RYAN DEVRIES &THE DAM BEAVERS



TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: beavers; dam; environment; government; humor; landwatermanagement; michigan
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1 posted on 09/27/2005 5:30:46 PM PDT by nuconvert
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To: nuconvert

Not to rain on your parade but..

This is so old and has been posted so many times.


2 posted on 09/27/2005 5:32:53 PM PDT by Xenophobic Alien ("It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.")
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To: nuconvert

Just DAM!!! [ I couldn't resist]


3 posted on 09/27/2005 5:32:53 PM PDT by ExcursionGuy84 ("Jesus, Your Love takes my breath away.")
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To: nuconvert

"Claim: The state of Michigan threatened local beavers with a $10,000 per day fine for failing to remove their dam.

Status: True.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1998] "

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm


4 posted on 09/27/2005 5:33:17 PM PDT by gondramB ( There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down .)
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To: Xenophobic Alien

I'm old too. :~ )


5 posted on 09/27/2005 5:34:28 PM PDT by nuconvert (No More Axis of Evil by Christmas ! TLR) [there's a lot of bad people in the pistachio business])
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To: nuconvert
True, per Snopes
6 posted on 09/27/2005 5:34:46 PM PDT by martin_fierro (|\/|4R71|\|_P|-|13RR0)
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To: nuconvert

LoL..

Touche'


7 posted on 09/27/2005 5:36:46 PM PDT by Xenophobic Alien ("It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.")
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To: gondramB

Which made them DAM mad, but they paid for it by multiple appearances as "Angry Beavers" on the cartoon show of the same name.


8 posted on 09/27/2005 5:37:40 PM PDT by xcamel (No more RINOS - Not Now, Not Ever Again.)
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To: nuconvert

The others are right. I am too dam old to read this dam thing again.


9 posted on 09/27/2005 5:37:51 PM PDT by hophead (" Enjoy Every Sandwich" WZ)
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To: nuconvert
I don't care if it's reposted once a week. Makes me laugh my dam ass off every time I read it.

I love Michigan!!!

10 posted on 09/27/2005 5:38:08 PM PDT by grellis (Coming in September 2006! SURVIVOR: MORDOR)
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To: nuconvert

Final result: landowner fined $10,000 for having unlicensed dams on his property, and also required to pay for the removal.

Moral: You can't fight city hall.


11 posted on 09/27/2005 5:41:42 PM PDT by Vicomte13 (Et alors?)
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To: nuconvert

Send the dam beavers to New Orleans to get those dam levees fixed.


12 posted on 09/27/2005 5:43:00 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Never a minigun handy when you need one.)
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To: grellis

"I love Michigan!!!"


Same here. We even have a few beavers in Jackson county these days.


13 posted on 09/27/2005 5:44:35 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Never a minigun handy when you need one.)
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To: cripplecreek

Lol


14 posted on 09/27/2005 5:47:37 PM PDT by nuconvert (No More Axis of Evil by Christmas ! TLR) [there's a lot of bad people in the pistachio business])
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To: cripplecreek
Same here. We even have a few beavers in Jackson county these days.

Where I grew up in Northern Michigan, we were taught to eat the beavers before they got too old and out of control........

OK, I'm going to my room......

15 posted on 09/27/2005 5:55:59 PM PDT by Hot Tabasco (I'm tired of idiots and don't have enough ammo to shoot them all.......Jeez, I hate that thought!)
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To: cripplecreek
I saw a marten (martin?) this summer, first time I've ever seen one out of a zoo. I hate admit it, because they're really beautiful animals, but I bet they make nice coats...

The Grand runs down through Jackson, doesn't it?

16 posted on 09/27/2005 5:56:40 PM PDT by grellis (Coming in September 2006! SURVIVOR: MORDOR)
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To: nuconvert

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1458201/posts

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/968189/posts


17 posted on 09/27/2005 6:02:56 PM PDT by PAR35
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To: nuconvert
I heard G.Gordon Liddy read this on the air a couple of years ago. I thought he was going to totally lose it before he finished reading the dam reply.
18 posted on 09/27/2005 6:03:06 PM PDT by Morgan's Raider
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To: Vicomte13; lawgirl

"Final result: landowner fined $10,000 for having unlicensed dams on his property, and also required to pay for the removal. "

You have GOT TO BE KIDDING.



BTW: the response letter is hilarious, which is why the state fined him. Libs hate humor. Especially this type of clever humor.


19 posted on 09/27/2005 6:07:47 PM PDT by HighWheeler ("There is nothing worse than self-deception where the deceiver is always with you." - Randi)
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To: grellis

Yes the Grand runs through Jackson. It used to be nasty and covered but it's considerably cleaner than it was 30 years ago.

The fact that the beaver are coming backs tells me that the environment is a whole lot cleaner than it was 30 years ago as well. I hear coyotes at night, and there are turkeys everywhere. I guess the fact that the world thinks America is a toxic wasteland isn't exactly true.


20 posted on 09/27/2005 6:12:45 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Never a minigun handy when you need one.)
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