Posted on 11/23/2005 2:06:55 AM PST by Cincinna
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French
one behind me."
General George S. Patton.
................................................. Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion."
Norman Schwartzkopf.
............................................................ .........
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
Marge Simpson
............................................................ .........
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
Jacques Chirac, President of France
"Well as far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh,
............................................................ .........
"The only time France wants others to go to war is when the German
Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
Regis Philbin.
............................................................ .........
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any
better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit
outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I
don't know."
P.J O'Rourke (1989).
............................................................ .........
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of
the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't
have the face for it."
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.
............................................................ .........
"You know why the French didn't want to get Saddam Hussein?
Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He
is so French."
Conan O'Brien
............................................................ .........
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get
Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out
of France either"
Jay Leno.
............................................................ .........
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman
............................................................ .........
Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.
Ted Nugent.
............................................................ .........
War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.
Tom Brokaw.
............................................................ .........
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of
its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the
Nazis?"
Dennis Miller.
............................................................ .........
"It is important to remember that the French have always been there
when they needed us."
Alan Kent
............................................................ .........
"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare
for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape,
a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton
............................................................ .........
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was,
'Never shot. Dropped once.'
Roy Blunt
............................................................ .........
"The French will only agree to go support the war when we've proven
we've found truffles in Iraq."
Dennis Miller
............................................................ .........
Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if
you are French.
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered
the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
............................................................ .........
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not
known, it's never been tried."
Rep. R. Blount (MO)
............................................................ .........
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in
WWII? And that's because it was raining."
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
............................................................ .........
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after
the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run
to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and
Collaborate.
The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which
destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their
military capability.
............................................................ ......... French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on
the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the
park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a
nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
Last thing you want to hear in a Paris renault dealership?
Excuse me, got a light?
Q: What'd you call a French figher jet coming to the aide of his American and British allies in the Iraqi desert?
A: A mirage.
Thanks for this!
I love it...keep 'em coming!
You might want to go to Google and type: "french military victories"
And then press the "I'm feeling lucky" button...
I googled it.... too funny for words!
bump
bump
You know why the French have those large, beautiful trees on either side of their broad boulevards?
So the Germans could march in the shade.
The Patton and Schwarzkopf quotes are both misattributed. Patton never said the line about having a French division behind him, and the line about going deer hunting without an accordion was said by one of Rumsfeld's aides.
PING!
... or failure ;-)
This is my kinda thread...
Q. Why is the Champs-Élysées tree-lined?
A. So the German soldiers can march in the shade.
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