MORE FUNNY FRENCH JOKES

self | self

[Cincinna]

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French

one behind me."

General George S. Patton.

................................................. Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your

accordion."

Norman Schwartzkopf.

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"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."

Marge Simpson

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"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"

Jacques Chirac, President of France

"Well as far as France is concerned, you're right."

Rush Limbaugh,

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"The only time France wants others to go to war is when the German

Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."

Regis Philbin.

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"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any

better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit

outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more

stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I

don't know."

P.J O'Rourke (1989).

............................................................ .........

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of

the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't

have the face for it."

John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

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"You know why the French didn't want to get Saddam Hussein?

Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He

is so French."

Conan O'Brien

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"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get

Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out

of France either"

Jay Leno.

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"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into

Paris under a German flag."

David Letterman

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Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.

Ted Nugent.

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War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.

Tom Brokaw.

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"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of

its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the

Nazis?"

Dennis Miller.

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"It is important to remember that the French have always been there

when they needed us."

Alan Kent

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"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare

for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape,

a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."

Argus Hamilton

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"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being

advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was,

'Never shot. Dropped once.'

Roy Blunt

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"The French will only agree to go support the war when we've proven

we've found truffles in Iraq."

Dennis Miller

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Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if

you are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered

the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

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"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not

known, it's never been tried."

Rep. R. Blount (MO)

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"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in

WWII? And that's because it was raining."

John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

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The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after

the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run

to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and

Collaborate.

The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which

destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their

military capability.

............................................................ ......... French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on

the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.

The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the

park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a

nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

[PeoplesRepublicOfWashington]

Actually, the line about deer hunting with an accordion was uttered by a gentleman by the name of Jed Babbit (or something like that). He was an Undersecretary of Defense under Bush Sr.

[gopherbaroque]

Have you ever seen a French tank?

It has 6 speeds, five reverse and one foward (in case of an attack from the rear).

[agere_contra]

It has 6 speeds, five reverse and one foward (in case of an attack from the rear).

That joke was originally about the Italians after their less-than-stellar contribution to the Desert Campaign.

[mewzilla]

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

[E Rocc]

[Kenton]

You might want to go to Google and type: "french military victories" And then press the "I'm feeling lucky" button...

LOL.... that's great! Thanks for a much-needed morning laugh.

[GBA]

Thanks for this! Very funny and all true.

[ghostrider]

"Har dee har" bump

[Dilbert56]

A French diplomat was badgering Tom Delay about Iraq.

DeLay interrupted: "Excuse me, do you speak German?"

Frog: "No"

DeLay: "You're Welcome"

[reagan_fanatic]

[Our man in washington]

Here's an original one from me:

What's the difference between French and Latin?
In one hundred years, people will still be speaking Latin.

[Mike Darancette]

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

[zeugma]

My favorite phrase to come out of this whole Afghanistan/Iraq business is "cheese eating surrender monkeys". Don't know who originally came up with it, but it's brilliant!

[newbie 10-21-00]

That would be school groundskeeper Willie of The Simpsons

[zeugma]

Thanks! We find wisdom everywhere!

[Bon mots]

[Cincinna]

"cheese eating surrender monkeys"

Willie, the School groundskeeper from The Simpsons

[Cincinna]

NOT AN URBAN LEGEND:

Go to Google and type in: "french military victories" Then press the "I'm feeling lucky" button...

[Lancey Howard]