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Experts: Preachers' Wives Often Struggle
Associated Press ^ | Apr 1, 2006 | WOODY BAIRD

Posted on 04/01/2006 6:40:33 PM PST by twippo

SELMER, Tenn. - Mary Winkler was the quiet, unassuming wife of a small-town, by-the-Bible preacher, seemingly devoted to church and family. But now her husband, Matthew, is dead and she is charged with shooting him in the back with a shotgun.

Authorities won't discuss a motive, and church members say they didn't see any indication she was unhappy. But experts say preachers' wives often struggle with depression and isolation, expected to be exemplars of Christian virtue while bearing unique pressures on their private and public lives.

Gayle Haggard, author of "A Life Embraced: A Hopeful Guide for the Pastor's Wife," said ministers' wives can feel isolated because of a misconception about leadership, since they and their husbands are leaders of their congregations.

They can feel trapped, she said, by unrealistic expectations "to live a certain way, to dress a certain way, for their children to behave a certain way."

And ministers' wives often find themselves handling more jobs than they expected to take on, said Becky Hunter, current president of the Global Pastors Wives Network.

"You're not really hired, and yet there is some expectation in most church settings that the pastor's wife comes along in a package deal," Hunter said.

Too often, ministers and their wives are reluctant to seek emotional help from members of their congregations because they're looked up to as leaders, said Lois Evans, a former president of the Global Pastors Wives Network. They can become isolated, lonely and depressed.

"This family needed help," said Evans. "It seems like there was no place to turn to and no place to talk and it became an explosive situation."

Matthew Winkler, 31, was found dead in a bedroom at the couple's parsonage Wednesday night in Selmer, a town of 4,400 people about 80 miles east of Memphis. Mary Winkler, 32, and her three young daughters were found Thursday night leaving a restaurant in Orange Beach, Ala., about 340 miles from Selmer. Orange Beach Police Chief Billy Wilkins said she had rented a condo on the beach after the slaying.

She was charged with first-degree murder and ordered held without bail. Tennessee Bureau of Investigation agent John Mehr said authorities know the motive for the killing, but he would not disclose it.

Mary Winkler was working part-time as a substitute teacher and taking college courses to get a teaching certificate as well as raising her three children and serving the congregation as its preacher's wife.

"You know she was weighted down," said Jimmie Smith, a member of Matthew Winkler's Fourth Street Church of Christ congregation and a retired psychiatric nurse.

Defense lawyer Steve Farese refused to talk about the Winklers' private life or if they had personal troubles.

"I can't discuss anything she's told me," Farese said. "But I think you have to look at the entire picture. You can't look at the end of a story and determine what the beginning and middle were."


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: associatedpress; blamethedeadguy; christianity; marywinkler; matthewwinkler; pastor; pastors; pastorswives; preachers; preacherswives; religion; winkler; wives; women
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To: Full Court
the Church of Christ is not really considered evangelical. They are somewhat cult like

My wife and I had a run in with these guys several years ago. "Cult like" is a good description. They attempted to hijack your entire existence. We actually got thrown out because we sought clarification (insistently sought) on a particular church teaching that I was having trouble accepting.

Nothing like a Pastor in your living room screaming that he doesn't want "your kind" in his church.

Sheesh.

61 posted on 04/01/2006 8:43:20 PM PST by lafroste (gravity is not a force. See my profile to read my novel absolutely free (I know, beyond shameless))
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To: Alouette

**Maybe I have had the urge once or twice but I never actually DID.**

Now that is self control, LOL! I would guess this case has more to it than the normal stress of being a ministers' wife. She is mentally ill or he was abusing her, is my guess.


62 posted on 04/01/2006 8:43:33 PM PST by Galveston Grl (Getting angry and abandoning power to the Democrats is not a choice.)
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To: TWohlford

Okay, thanks, I know what you're talking about. Happens all too often. In a healthy church community, the pastor has people (sometimes the leaders or elders but not always) he can lean on and confide in, but alas not all churches are healthy.


63 posted on 04/01/2006 8:44:20 PM PST by VoiceOfBruck (Covered by the Holy Spirit and armed to the teeth.)
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To: twippo

64 posted on 04/01/2006 8:47:55 PM PST by Lancey Howard
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To: VoiceOfBruck

"...he pastor has people (sometimes the leaders or elders but not always) he can lean on and confide in..."

Trust me... you're lucky if you find 2-3 such people in your entire career.

When laity confide in their best friend, they're risking embarrasment. Clergy risk their job, career... everything.


65 posted on 04/01/2006 8:49:14 PM PST by TWohlford
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To: lafroste

Do you use ductile pipe?


66 posted on 04/01/2006 8:50:18 PM PST by Full Court (Baptist History now at www.baptistbookshelf.com)
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To: Full Court

What? You are being too clever for my slow wits. Please explain.


67 posted on 04/01/2006 8:51:47 PM PST by lafroste (gravity is not a force. See my profile to read my novel absolutely free (I know, beyond shameless))
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To: twippo
Experts: Preachers' Wives Often Struggle

"This family needed help," said Evans.

Brilliant! What would we do without "experts" to explain this to us?

68 posted on 04/01/2006 8:52:53 PM PST by Grim
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To: the invisib1e hand

Hi. Long time no see. I'm glad to see you are still around.


69 posted on 04/01/2006 8:56:37 PM PST by lafroste (gravity is not a force. See my profile to read my novel absolutely free (I know, beyond shameless))
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To: twippo

My Pastors' wife is extremely busy with church business, two kids and 3 foster kids. I could never imagine her killing her husband or even swatting a fly for that matter.


70 posted on 04/01/2006 8:57:46 PM PST by trubluolyguy (If I wanted to live in Mexico, I'd FRIGGING MOVE THERE!)
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To: OldFriend

And murder?



One sin is no better or worse than another, both are an afront to God.


71 posted on 04/01/2006 9:00:25 PM PST by trubluolyguy (If I wanted to live in Mexico, I'd FRIGGING MOVE THERE!)
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To: twippo
Years ago, my mother and father in law belonged to a small baptist church. They loved their new pastor and his wife and family. The church voted to build them a new parsonage. And so they built it without even consulting the preacher as to his wants or needs. And after it was built, the good ladies of the church bought the furniture and decorated it to their own wishes and outdated style.

I attended the open house. I asked how the preacher and his family liked it and was told that it was the church's home, after all.

Yes, I learned that a congregation thinks that it owns a preacher, his family and his home....live, stock and barrel.
72 posted on 04/01/2006 9:05:37 PM PST by Conservababe
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To: Coleus; firebrand; Clemenza; nutmeg
Sounds like an argument for priestly celibacy.



73 posted on 04/01/2006 9:06:57 PM PST by Cacique (quos Deus vult perdere, prius dementat ( Islamia Delenda Est ))
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To: trubluolyguy

Can you clarify what you're saying. Are you saying that all sins are equal? If so, then I think that's a pretty wierd interpretation. I'm pretty sure we're to do our best to choose the lesser evil.

(I'm sorry if I misunderstood you)


74 posted on 04/01/2006 9:13:26 PM PST by onja ("The government of England is a limited mockery." (France is a complete mockery.)
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To: OldFriend
They seem to think the minister is at their beck and call. For every little problem that might be solved on their own.

The same goes for the wife. Most congregations expect almost as much from the preacher's wife as from the preacher. She is assumed to be on most, if not all committees, sing in the choir, attend ALL church functions, bring a dish to every wake or to the home of ill parishioners. She must keep her house spotless, her children immaculate and well-behaved at all times while smiling adoringly at her sainted husband.

Hillary may think she was the first one to come up with "two for the price of one". Actually that has been a reality in most Protestant denominations for decades.

75 posted on 04/01/2006 9:13:59 PM PST by jamaly (I evacuate early and often!)
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To: napscoordinator
She is disgusting. I think that if he treated her like she should have been then she would not have killed him. Sometimes people are not allowed to do anything in the name of false religions and this is what happens. This does not happen in the Catholic Religion thankfully. It seems this is a Evangelical problem that needs to be fixed.

You are joking, right? If not, what the heck are you smoking?

76 posted on 04/01/2006 9:19:21 PM PST by jamaly (I evacuate early and often!)
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To: napscoordinator

It seems this is a Evangelical problem that needs to be fixed.



This was one couple. One marriage and one murder. How does that become an over all "Evangelical Problem"?


77 posted on 04/01/2006 9:19:35 PM PST by trubluolyguy (If I wanted to live in Mexico, I'd FRIGGING MOVE THERE!)
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To: TWohlford

From a preacher's kid: I understand and your are correct.


78 posted on 04/01/2006 9:21:37 PM PST by RatRipper
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To: Sloth; Full Court

I would say looking at Full Courts' tagline, his evidence would be that they are not Baptists.


79 posted on 04/01/2006 9:25:59 PM PST by trubluolyguy (If I wanted to live in Mexico, I'd FRIGGING MOVE THERE!)
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To: onja

Can you clarify what you're saying.



Take the ten commandments for instance. Do you think it matters to God if you only broke the first or second, or the eighth or ninth? Sin is sin. It's our old sin nature; our humanity that conditions them ie: "Sure I committed adultery but it's not like I killed anyone."

Both are sin and left unconfessed and unrepented are punishable accordingly by God. There exists no "lesser hell" for the adulterers and "worse hell" for the murderers.


80 posted on 04/01/2006 9:35:46 PM PST by trubluolyguy (If I wanted to live in Mexico, I'd FRIGGING MOVE THERE!)
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