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Posted on 08/07/2006 8:40:33 PM PDT by GodBlessUSA
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Every Thursday at the Finest  |
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"Useful Work Phrases"
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged
by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't
mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll
bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine
is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just
don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young
and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over
your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions
I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of
Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties
are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you
people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable ... Time to up my
medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being
smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
message ...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without
my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at
the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my
destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of
strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
--
LOL!! Thanks Dolly :)
this is really funny! (kitty lover or not)
http://funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.aspx?ad_key=HXBKPTUABGBL&tracking_id=578462&type=wmv&path=/c/crazycats/crazycats2.wmv
this is going to be a fun thread.
can I post about 3 dozen completely stupid but funny (to me) things tomorrow?
I hope you do! I just enjoyed viewing the cat video you posted. Very Funny. :)
Manitoba Herald , Canada
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield , whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vega ns disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. ; "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.
When tempted, remember that it is better to avoid the bait than to struggle on the hook.
This is too funny because it happened to me. My youngest son painted a neighbor's little girl with aluminum paint. He was 4 and she was about 3. He was soooo proud of that paint job. He brought her to show me how pretty she looked. I about fainted. What to do? This was NOT water based paint. I got some Kerosene and put her in the bathtub. I washed her with kerosene and then with warm soapy water. The hair was the hard part. I managed to get her cleaned up and did the same routine with her clothes. I don't know if her mother ever suspected that anything was amiss. She must have wondered why Marty smelled like kerosene in spite of repeated sudsing. I wish I had thought to take a picture of her. LOL.
Farmer John and Butch
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets"
and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't
perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set
of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so John could tell
from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an
efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch,
and a very fine specimen he was, too.
But on this particular morning John noticed old
Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing.
The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell
in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet,
do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the
Renfrew County Fair and Butch became an overnight
sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded Butch the
No Bell Piece Prize, but they also awarded him the
Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly Butch was a politician in the making:
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win
two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet
by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and
screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
ROTFLOL!!-- I can only imagine. Kids are too funny. I really wish you had a photo too. ;)
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly ...
7. Feel better?
see you tomorrow sweetie.. don't want to completely hog the thread(like I have done so already!)
sweet dreams Finest FRiends!
Thanks Dolly
These are great!
See you tomorrow. Pleasant dreams :)
Ha! Why didn't I think of that?
I had neighbors with 4-year-old twin boys. Once, they managed to set their bedroom carpet on fire and then put it out with bleach. No injuries, but the mom had to pay a steep fine to the landlord.
gee.. how would she suspect anything nan.. don't all kids smell like kerosene some time or another?
:-)
holy schmolly.. putting out a fire with bleach?
landlords of America.. bless you !
Me too. I'm beat after a longggggg day at the fair, manning the booth for son. He was supposed to relieve me at 4:00 p.m. He got there at 7:00. So it's off to bed for a bit o rest so I can repeat same tomorrow and Wed, Thurs, Fri and Sat. Goodnight all.
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