;)
Posted on 07/10/2007 4:26:52 PM PDT by Bob J
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settledisputes in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this; with the "Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.
Old farmers still get jokes i guess.
What type of duck was it?
Great joke and wish your friend a full recovery..
And tell your friend Dave that I will keep him in my prayers.
Actually, it was a Canadien Goose.
Thanks! I sent him the URL so I’m sure he’ll be reading.
BAY.
;)
Another old classic was of about a traveling salesman walking down a country road when he saw something odd.
By the side of the road, underneath a low hanging apple tree, there was a farmer with his pigs. One by one, the farmer would pick up a pig and hold it, while it ate apples off the tree, until it had had its fill. Then he would set it down and pick up the next pig.
Perplexed by this odd behavior, the salesman asked the farmer what he was doing, to which he responded, “Feedin’ mah pigs”, as if the salesman was a little dim.
But wouldn’t it be better to knock the apples down from the tree and let the pigs eat them off the ground?, asked the salesman. “How would that be better?”, replied the farmer.
Well, you’d save a lot of time for one thing, said the salesman.
“What’s time to a pig?”, replied the farmer, with a smirk.
Got a ribald one for you.
Some “goat herders” were sitting around the campfire one night discussing how they get intimate with their charges. One said “Well, I just sneak up behind them, slip their back feet in my boots and have my way with them.”
One partucularly astute member of the group chimed in, “Ya, but how do you kiss ‘em?”
Prayers for David. Thanks for the laugh.
Lawyers don’t need grounds.
Does that mean virgin hohair comes from ugly goats?
Thanks for the laugh, and prayers are up for your friend.
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