Posted on 08/22/2007 2:23:11 PM PDT by VA Voter
I hope that they dog Michael Vick for the rest of his life.
this thread is gonna be pure “pun”ishment!
There was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
What do you call a thread moved to chat?
Redneck Medial Terms
Benign........What you be after you be eight.
Artery...... The study of paintings.
Bacteria.....Back door to cafeteria.
Barium........What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section....A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan....................Searching for kitty.
Cauterize..................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D & C..........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester.........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula..........................A small lie.
Genital.........................Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series..................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent.....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff............A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node.............................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis............................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum..........................Damn near killed him.
Secretion......................Hiding something.
Seizure..........................Roman emperor.
Tablet............................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.............................More than one.
Urine..............................Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose.........................Near by/close by.
Q: Why can’t Adam and Eve play craps?
A: G-d took away their pair-of-dice.
This one.....but lets see how many jokes we can get in before it gets moved....
In our family, because of connections with South America, the men use the SA colloquialism for the male sex order —Chili.
So when someone would standing outside next to my father in law and say, “Pretty chilly” he would say, “thank you.” Once in July, it was unseasonably cool and my 8 year old son and 7 year old daughter and I were waiting for a table at an over airconditioned restaurant. The hostess comes up to seat us and making conversations says, “It’s a little chilly.” My son, without a smile or missing a beat said, “Well, I’m only 8 years old.”
Another time, was we were standing around the new grave of this same father in law, my mother in law (who is nothing if not Lady Obvious) said, “Well, some of you have his genes (did I mention my daughter is adopted?). I channelled my dead father in law and said, “yes, and we have a lot of his socks too.”
Those are my puns. thank you thank you.
Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
What did the alien say when he went inside the library?
“Take me to your reader!”
silly.
Nuke, this thread is screaming out for ya!!!
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.
The lady kept bugging her husband to remind her which of the knights she was for in the jousting tournament.....
Her husband became quite Irate...”I told you five times... Sir Lancelot is in the Shiny Armour. Sir Percival is in the black armour and your hero Sir Slipcdck, The Chec, is in the mail “
I heard on the news this A.M. that they fired the UGA football coach. UGA wanted to replace him with Michael Vick so he could teach those “Dawgs” to fight.
Pete Rose sat on a tack.
Pete rose.
***Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.***
GROAAAAAN! LOL
A: A nervous wreck.
-PJ
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