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Groaner Puns (Your favorite?)

Posted on 08/22/2007 2:23:11 PM PDT by VA Voter

Q. What is a cesarean section?

A. A womb with a view.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: freepun; humor; jokes; lol; pun; puns
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1 posted on 08/22/2007 2:23:12 PM PDT by VA Voter
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To: VA Voter

I hope that they dog Michael Vick for the rest of his life.


2 posted on 08/22/2007 2:24:12 PM PDT by Blogger (Propheteuon.com)
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To: VA Voter

this thread is gonna be pure “pun”ishment!


3 posted on 08/22/2007 2:24:52 PM PDT by Mac94
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To: VA Voter

There was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


4 posted on 08/22/2007 2:25:20 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.)
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To: VA Voter

What do you call a thread moved to chat?


5 posted on 08/22/2007 2:25:46 PM PDT by OSHA (Liberals will lick the boot on their necks if they think the other boot is on yours and mine.)
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To: VA Voter

Redneck Medial Terms

Benign........What you be after you be eight.
Artery...... The study of paintings.
Bacteria.....Back door to cafeteria.
Barium........What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section....A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan....................Searching for kitty.
Cauterize..................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D & C..........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester.........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula..........................A small lie.
Genital.........................Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series..................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent.....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff............A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node.............................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis............................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum..........................Damn near killed him.
Secretion......................Hiding something.
Seizure..........................Roman emperor.
Tablet............................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.............................More than one.
Urine..............................Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose.........................Near by/close by.


6 posted on 08/22/2007 2:26:01 PM PDT by Kimmers
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To: VA Voter

Q: Why can’t Adam and Eve play craps?

A: G-d took away their pair-of-dice.


7 posted on 08/22/2007 2:26:34 PM PDT by Natchez Hawk (What's so funny about the first, second, and fourth Amendments?)
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To: OSHA

This one.....but lets see how many jokes we can get in before it gets moved....


8 posted on 08/22/2007 2:27:12 PM PDT by Kimmers
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To: VA Voter

In our family, because of connections with South America, the men use the SA colloquialism for the male sex order —Chili.

So when someone would standing outside next to my father in law and say, “Pretty chilly” he would say, “thank you.” Once in July, it was unseasonably cool and my 8 year old son and 7 year old daughter and I were waiting for a table at an over airconditioned restaurant. The hostess comes up to seat us and making conversations says, “It’s a little chilly.” My son, without a smile or missing a beat said, “Well, I’m only 8 years old.”

Another time, was we were standing around the new grave of this same father in law, my mother in law (who is nothing if not Lady Obvious) said, “Well, some of you have his genes (did I mention my daughter is adopted?). I channelled my dead father in law and said, “yes, and we have a lot of his socks too.”

Those are my puns. thank you thank you.


9 posted on 08/22/2007 2:29:03 PM PDT by Mercat (strategic deworming. Name of a new rock band?)
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To: VA Voter
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

10 posted on 08/22/2007 2:30:48 PM PDT by engrpat
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To: VA Voter

What did the alien say when he went inside the library?

“Take me to your reader!”


11 posted on 08/22/2007 2:31:29 PM PDT by scott7278 ("Before I give you the benefit of my reply, I would like to know what we are talking about.")
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To: Kimmers

silly.


12 posted on 08/22/2007 2:31:34 PM PDT by MovementConservative (Terminate the Duke 88)
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To: nuke rocketeer

Nuke, this thread is screaming out for ya!!!


13 posted on 08/22/2007 2:33:29 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.)
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To: MovementConservative

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.


14 posted on 08/22/2007 2:34:03 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.)
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To: VA Voter

The lady kept bugging her husband to remind her which of the knights she was for in the jousting tournament.....

Her husband became quite Irate...”I told you five times... Sir Lancelot is in the Shiny Armour. Sir Percival is in the black armour and your hero Sir Slipcdck, The Chec, is in the mail “


15 posted on 08/22/2007 2:34:47 PM PDT by bert (K.E. N.P. +12 . Hillary's color is yellow.....how appropriate)
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To: VA Voter

I heard on the news this A.M. that they fired the UGA football coach. UGA wanted to replace him with Michael Vick so he could teach those “Dawgs” to fight.


16 posted on 08/22/2007 2:35:25 PM PDT by freeangel ( (free speech is only good until someone else doesn't like what you say))
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To: VA Voter; The Spirit Of Allegiance; mikrofon; Charles Henrickson

17 posted on 08/22/2007 2:35:32 PM PDT by martin_fierro (WEPUNNING)
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To: VA Voter
No puns, but a groaner free verse poem.

Pete Rose sat on a tack.
Pete rose.

18 posted on 08/22/2007 2:35:45 PM PDT by ladtx ( "I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top." - - Will Rogers)
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To: Lucky9teen

***Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.***

GROAAAAAN! LOL


19 posted on 08/22/2007 2:37:36 PM PDT by kitkat (I refuse to let the DUers chase me off FR.)
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To: VA Voter
Q: What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A: A nervous wreck.

-PJ

20 posted on 08/22/2007 2:38:14 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too (Repeal the 17th amendment -- it's the "Fairness Doctrine" for Congress!)
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