Posted on 03/12/2008 4:55:51 AM PDT by ciocia
Dr. Laura Schlessinger has never been one to shrink from controversy, and she leaped headlong into one on Monday when she said that if a husband cheats, his wife may share some of the blame.
“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,” the popular psychologist and radio personality said.
More commonly known as just “Dr. Laura,” Schlessinger made the remarks while participating in one of several panel discussions on TODAY dealing with the breaking news that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer had been connected to a high-priced prostitution ring.
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
And in making you angry, they are responsible for their actions. That's the point. This is not a difficult concept. We can all affect others to do good or to do bad. If we affect them to do bad, by our own bad actions, we bear some guilt for that action.
Are you saying that a man who offers a married woman who can't feed her kids $3000 for sex bears no responsibility for her sin? Of course he does.
You are confusing shared guilt with mitigation. How can you possibly argue with the premise (I'd say fact) that treating another person badly can result in them treating you badly, and when that occurs, both share in the responsibility. Is this realization not how most disputes are resolved?
Is this always the case? Of course not. Some people do bad things all by themselves and use whatever they can to justify it.
Well one could argue that what was lacking in the marriage was his character...
_______
Would you find that argument compelling? I sure don’t.
...all you have to do is look at Eliot Spitzer. He has very high cheekbones and very high brow ridges and those are signs of extremely high testosterone levels...etc, etc.The situation with Spitzer was being used to talk on the more broad subject of spousal cheating. I'd admit using Spitzer was not specifically appropriate for what Dr Laura had to say.
Nothing "excuses" cheating. But there are "reasons" whether those "reasons" are good enough for you or not.
Lets hope she does that before she catches something from him.
I think it is about power and character.
The lefts role model is JFK. A man with a serious lack of character.
The rights role model is Reagan. Not many will fault his character.
Then apply power and you get significantly different results.
I do not agree that her statement is a crock. It is not the primary reason, that is the husband’s infidelity and disloyalty but..... She has a point and that is if he got what he needed at home then maybe, just maybe, he would not seek it somewhere else. At first I thought, he simply gave in to his urges but if it is true (we really do not know) that he was doing this for years,,,,, There may be some truth to Dr. Laura’s statement.
But even Reagan got divorced.
These guys completely miss the point with Dr. Laura. I am sure they never listen to her.
Dr. Laura has consistently stated that both men and women have responsibilities in marriage. That many people either are unaware of these or unwilling to live up to them results in many unhappy marriages. She consistently brings everything back to what I would consider a traditional view of marriage that requires both to sacrifice for the other’s happiness.
This may have been the wrong time to bring it up but this is her consistent message and she always comes back to it.
The flaw in this reasoning is the hidden assumption that each happens in a vaccuum. They don't. Each affects the other. If a man is getting his needs met sexually, emotionally, and psychologically, he is far less likely to stray. Women who withhold from their husbands are not doing them any favors, they are actually mistreating them. Actions have consequences, and what we do affects those around us. You cannot ignore the interaction of actions, and the resulting consequences. Dr. Laura is correct in her assessment, if you take the time to think about what she did, and didn't say. Too many here have posted knee-jerk reactions, which show that they didn't really understand what she said, nor did they think about it.
Do I think Spitzer should resign? Yes, Immediately. It's about time that some Democrats show that they actually have a conscience and morals, instead of giving Spitzer a pass on this. When Republicans are caught in moral failings, they do the right thing and resign. Democrats don't, unless they are forced. It's time to force Spitzer to pay the piper, and resign from office. I hope his wife dumps him, too. It would be the right thing to do.
I think what you are all protesting in reality is the idea that we should ASSUME that the spouse shares some responsibility. To that I agree. It is horribly unfair to assume such a thing. As it is to assume that the spouse was blameless.
Getting devorced is not the same a cheating on your wife.
Not even close.
Let’s see,
Dr X says there are things that banks can do to prevent robbery,
so, Dr X must be saying it’s OK for people to rob banks if they don’t do these things.
THAT’S your logic. And that’s ridiculous.
Dr Laura nails it again.
Speaking from experience here. The key word in her article is “share”.
My ex accused me of sexual abuse. She could never quantify or qualify it. Unfortunately, when she pulled this card on my pastor he said just claiming it without examples did not make it so, but her withholding sex FOR 14 MONTHS was definitely sex abuse!
Although I WAS able to avoid cheating, few would have blamed me if I had. I’m 54 and have talked to a lot of men about their relationships with their wives. I’ve been to domestic violence classes and seen men reduced to mere shadows of themselves because they were clearly falsely accused of abuse when their worst crime was not dropping everything and jumping when their wife said “jump”.
And I’ve seen women who really were abused.
Bottom line is that when a couple has been married as long as Spitzer and his wife then, yes, she does “share” the blame in MOST cases. Not all of course...
>>It seems to me that a man will cheat even if he has the most rewarding marriage...<<
Sometimes that is true. Often, though, she “motivates” him to. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it (even though I didn’t do it).
Preach it sister! I heard a male aquaintance tell his wife (my friend) that if she ever gained more than 10 lbs. he would divorce her. He was ‘heart attack’ serious. The sad thing was she was rail thin, always had been. Last I had heard he divorced her over their son being born with Down’s Syndrome. Some guys have no character.
OK. You apparently have a strong need to see this through a political lens. I don’t. You suggest that it is power and character, but then throw political persuasion into the mix as well.
There are simply too many examples of people on both sides of the aisle engaging in this kind of stuff for me to see how the left/right thing comes into play. JMO.
>>Utterly amazing that this woman has risen to the level that she has......<<
Actually, this article is a sample of WHY she has risen to the level she has.
I’ve been married twice. First for 20 years, second for ten - and counting.
For the first, it was what is becoming typical in the US for many men - typified in the bedroom scene in the movie “Beethoven”. Funny thing was, I didn’t even see the end coming, since I was doing everything possible. Reading books, going to classes, being the “good and obedient house trained husband”. But her female narcisism clearly told her that if she was unhappy about anything in her life it was somehow my fault and responsibility. I really don’t have the luxury of feeling sad for her in her little apartment and her cat because my commitment is to my wife - which she isn’t.
For the second - the honeymoon aint over yet, and my love for her (and hers for me) keeps growing more than I thought humanly possible. I used to think Chick Flicks were science fiction for women. I now know that they really are based on reality. People really do have those kind of romantic and exotic relationships. I know. I’m living it!
Life is good!
And Dr. Laura is spot on.
Really,
so you’re an expert on women’s hormones, illness, childbirth, menopause (yes, we do gain weight then) genetics etc....
I’ll tell you right now, you can gain weight from far less than someone else is eating to loose weight....metabolisms vary as well as body types.
I’ve dealt with lots of overweight folks and I’m the first one to say ‘If you have someone in your life making you miserable about your weight, get the heck away from them and THEN lose it! Do NOT lose it for them, because they’ll find the next flaw.’
I have so many female friends whose husbands are at that age where the beer belly is starting to show and they have lost interest in exercise. Their hair is falling out... Does that give these women an excuse to cheat?
>>My Wife told me not to expect her to join me in front of reporters during my *apology*.
She said I wouldn’t likely be there either.<<
Heh, heh, if you understand where my wife and I stand with each other after what I’ve said in my previous posts, you’ll understand why I’m in the same boat as you.
And I wouldn’t blame her.
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