Posted on 12/24/2022 3:25:24 AM PST by Jyotishi
ANALYSIS
Left unaddressed, gaslighting can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and overall mental health
You are overthinking... We all have often come across phrases in our daily life at least once or on repeated terms such as -- You have always been crazy; I don’t know what you want me to say; It’s your fault; Everyone agrees with me; That’s not how it happened; Your memory seems to be slipping; I did that because I was trying to help you.
Such phrases undermine our trust and belief. The more we hear them, the more we stop trusting ourselves. When some other person becomes a gatekeeper to your reality, then you are in a spot which is vulnerable to further manipulation. In other words, when someone controls or denies or tries to play with your thoughts, feelings or behaviours especially on a repeated term, then you are right to suspect reality doubting often termed ‘gaslighting’.
The term ‘gaslighting’ has its origin from a 1938 play, Gas Light, and its adaptation by Patrick Hamilton, known in America as “Angel Street” which later developed into the film ‘Gas Light’ by Alfred Hitchcock. Since the movie was an accurate portrayal of controlling the toxic actions used by manipulators, various psychologists and counsellors began to label this emotional abuse as gaslighting.
Gaslight is a covert type of emotional abuse in which the abuser misleads the victim (target), creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality. It can confuse the victim and cause the victim to question their own judgment, memory, self-worth and overall mental health.
According to ‘The National Domestic Violence’ Hotline’s fact sheet “Withholding, Countering, Blocking/diverting, Trivializing and Denial” are the five techniques which a gaslighter may use to manipulate someone. A gaslighter will often start with something that is true and sensitive to the victim. They may praise the victim initially and immediately confide in them.
They do so to attain power over their victim as they wish to control them either emotionally, physically or financially. Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationships be it personal (an abusive spouse or a parent), or professional (a co-worker or a boss) or, at public and legal institutions where the abusive person may use gaslight to isolate their target, undermine their confidence and ultimately control them.
The more this happens, the more power and influence the victim has on the abuser. The victim starts relying heavily on what others say and have no scope of trusting themselves. They end up doubting their memory, their perception and sanity. They feel confused, anxious and even depressed about their relationship, make excuses for the partner’s behaviour, are not able to understand the reason for unhappiness in their own life, always end up apologizing and are left with no option but to rely on the gaslighter's version of reality.
With time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can make it difficult for the victim to see the truth. At times, it can even lead to the mental health concerns including addiction and even thoughts of suicide.
Gaslighting is not always intentional or malicious. It is a psychologically manipulative tactic to get a person or a group of people to doubt their reality and memory. Almost anyone can be susceptible to this tactic. People gaslight for numerous reasons and every situation is different. Lying and distortion are the cornerstones of gaslighting behaviour followed by repetition. Repetition technique is a brainwashing tactic wherein if a person knows that something is a blatant lie, repetition starts to make them believe it.
Remember gaslighting works because it confuses people and shakes the confidence. But if the victim shows that he is not affected by the behaviour, the person trying to gaslight will decide that it isn’t worth it. Do not be afraid of speaking. When a person is in isolation, chances are that he may be more susceptible to self-doubt and when a gaslighter knows about this, will try to convince as per their best interest. Stand firm in your truth, i.e., believe in yourself, your feelings for the person doing the gaslighting, the goal is to have the receiving person (the victim) doubt their perception.
Keep simple conversations, start writing things or maintain a journal about day to day happening which will help you ground yourself in your own truth and will also make you feel confident in case you start feeling confused or low at your self-esteem. Start collecting evidence such as saving screenshots of texts and emails, taking photos of any damage done to property, keeping a record of the date and time of conversations. Start engaging yourself in physical activities like yoga, long run and meditation. These activities serve as an outlet for tension and distress. Left unaddressed, gaslighting can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and overall mental health.
(The author is a teacher at a reputed school in Delhi)
Yep. Turn off the TV and it’ll stop
It does help, that’s true, but there’s a significant amount of crying wolf going on across the political spectrum. It’s tough to know who or what to believe anymore. That, unfortunately, also could mean one’s own neighbors.
all 3 of my kids were aces at it by 15 years old. the focus immediately turned to MY words/actions/behavior when trying to be a father and correcting them!! one finally came around at 26 years old. the other 2, well id be lucky if I seen them again This is truly a mental pandemic in the world today!!
“Safe and effective.”
About 30 years ago I worked with abused women, and it seemed that subtle gaslighting by a spouse often was how it started. It broke them. I’m sure it happens in reverse, i.e., for women manipulating men, too.
“Gaslighting is not always intentional or malicious.”
Then it probably ain’t gaslighting.
Whereas if it’s Deep State doing it, then it’s most definitely intentional AND malicious.
i wont lie... it broke me. and when its all said and done, everything was my fault. to date theyve never even hinted at taking responsibilty for anything. I stopped trying completely a year ago. i’ll go to my grave knowing I did my best.
“This is truly a mental pandemic in the world today!!”
And I think that it will stay here for ever. We need to develop an effective defense against gaslighting.
Well right. It is intentional and malicious, by definition. Not sure why the writer threw that in there. It is at its core a form of unethical manipulation. Devious even. It can be very simple, or very complex.
The political-media complex spends billions of dollars on it, very sophisticated and interlocked, coordinated across different platforms, because it works so well. They are completely and utterly dependent on it Now you know what all those “think tanks” have been doing for all these years.
Even something as simple as “Well, you’re the first/only person to complain about it” is a type of that. It’s a way they will try to frame the issue as something nobody else is concerned about, when it is exactly the opposite.
They have to keep people divided, and uninformed, or misinformed, and turn the tables. If you know what you’re looking at, you see it every day, writ large.
Millenials. Gaslighted in public school and passing the abuse among each other.
Certainly, people watch WAY too much TV - TV is the about the quickest way to leave one’s self vulnerable to manipulation or gaslighting.
But it’s not just TV’s fake journalists, dishonest advertisers and agenda-driven content providers that are gaslighting us.
All of our most trusted institutions have been infiltrated and conscripted into pushing false narratives. University professors, family doctors, law enforcement, the nationals security state, the Justice department - BOTY political parties, Wall Street, scientific consensus, top artists and philosophers..
Which among these revered institutions has not been part of this grand conspiracy to destroy MAGA over the last 6 years?
I think people need to turn off the TV, but beyond that, they need to learn how to think for themselves, use common sense, and stop trusting “experts”.
People need to turn up the skepticism dial and trust common sense.
Of course everyone is lying - just assume that. Life is like a giant game of poker: don’t expect the other players to be telling you the truth.
"Gaslight" was a film by George Cukor, not Alfred Hitchcock
One of the best things conservative parents can do is develop strong BS meters in their kids. They’ll need to have this foundation from kindergarten and then throughout life.
Whether it’s one-on-one conversations with the kids, or comments between parents that kids can overhear, DO IT! They should be able to spot manipulation and lies in an instant.
That’s not just your kids or ex-wife. Pretty much every human being is an expert WELL WHAT ABOUT YOU’er. It’s the wide road device to deflect truth. We’ve all had to learn from authorities who said one thing and did another. But was the teaching actually of truth? If so we’re individually on the hook for it, to respond to it in spite of another’s hypocrisy.
“The scribes and Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So practice and observe everything they tell you. But do not do what they do,”—Jesus
One of the reasons the Left (and a significant part of the so-called Right) despises Ayn Rand so much is her constant insistence that one must rely on the verdict of one’s own mind. Such a practice gives one immunity to gaslighting and other psychological manipulation tools, no matter what group is using them.
LOL! The author can't even write a good article on gaslighting without gaslighting in the process.
🎯
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