'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING

To: JeepInMazar; All

Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Curiously, even if he could prove it to be true, he is still guilty of insider trading.

41 posted on 03/28/2003 3:31:14 PM PST by ElkGroveDan (Fighting for Freedom and Having Fun)

To: Billthedrill

*Soylent_Green_Rollerball_alert

42 posted on 03/28/2003 3:31:46 PM PST by TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig

This is my kind of thread. Bump for later!

43 posted on 03/28/2003 3:38:05 PM PST by Alex Murphy (Athanasius contra mundum!)

44 posted on 03/28/2003 3:38:12 PM PST by socal_parrot (Jean Valjean, the only decent Frenchmen.)

To: justanotherfreeper

45 posted on 03/28/2003 3:38:28 PM PST by Bubba_Leroy

But, the statute of limitations would have run out by 2256.
So he wouldn't be prosecutable then.
But only in 2256.
*Chuckle*
Wonder what else he's going to say for himself.

46 posted on 03/28/2003 3:39:34 PM PST by Darksheare (Nox aeternus en pax.)

He should already know how his cse turns out. ;^)

47 posted on 03/28/2003 3:46:29 PM PST by js1138

Note that the story is at www.tv.yahoo.com. That's the Yahoo TV domain. Check out some of the other Weekly World News stories they have links to:

Dumb Ways People Have Died Thursday March 27, 2003, Weekly World News
Hitler Had A Secret Son Wednesday March 26, 2003, Weekly World News
America Should be A Bad-Ass Cowboy Tuesday March 25, 2003, Weekly World News I'm madder than Roy Rogers with a busted guitar at all these filthy foreigners whining about how Americans are a bunch of "cowboys." These yahoos think we're the bad guys and that the real problem in the world today is "American imperialism" -- not that nutcase Saddam having enough anthrax and nerve gas to wipe out the human race 10 times over. Well, folks, I say it's high time for Uncle Sam to proudly tell the world he is a cowboy. A bad- ass cowboy who's not afraid to shoot first and ask...
Close Shave For Dictator's Double Monday March 24, 2003, Weekly World News

Earlier Stories

•	How You Can Own A Piece Of Iraq Land Monday March 24, 2003, Weekly World News
•	Archaeologist Finds 12,000 Year Old Magazine From Atlantis! Friday March 21, 2003, Weekly World News
•	Secret Videotape Shows Lions Eating Christians In Iraq Thursday March 20, 2003, Weekly World News
•	'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING Wednesday March 19, 2003, Weekly World News
•	Schools Will Soon Force Your Kids To Take Drugs! Tuesday March 18, 2003, Weekly World News
•	Fish Has Human Face! Monday March 17, 2003, Weekly World News
•	Bigfoot Captures Sexy Camper For His Love Slave Friday March 14, 2003, Weekly World News
•	Terrorists Are Buying Up America! Thursday March 13, 2003, Weekly World News

48 posted on 03/28/2003 3:49:27 PM PST by giotto

And the cure for AIDS -- lots and lots of cheeseburgers.

No. That would be preventive medicine.

49 posted on 03/28/2003 3:50:56 PM PST by woofer

To: socal_parrot

50 posted on 03/28/2003 3:55:51 PM PST by TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig

Hmmmmmmmmm.............There is simply no way that this guy could possibly have insider information on so many, different deals; one or two, but not 126!!!!!!!!!!!

My bets on the time traveler story.

51 posted on 03/28/2003 3:56:59 PM PST by DoctorMichael (Liberalism = Evil)

Can somebody ask this guy when the Red Sox finally win another World Series?

52 posted on 03/28/2003 3:58:17 PM PST by SamAdams76 (California wine beats French wine in blind taste tests. Boycott French wine.)

How come he didn't know he got caught? Catching the worlds first time traveller would probally make the news.

53 posted on 03/28/2003 4:07:54 PM PST by calljack

But not by much......

54 posted on 03/28/2003 4:08:15 PM PST by genefromjersey (Save the last 6 for pall-bearers !)

Can somebody ask this guy when the Red Sox finally win another World Series?
Or better yet...when the Cubs dynasty begins!

55 posted on 03/28/2003 4:42:03 PM PST by prairie dog

Or a pack of cigarettes by next week.

56 posted on 03/28/2003 4:46:16 PM PST by JSteff

"And the cure for AIDS" We already have that in two different forms. Abstinence or hetrosexual sex only.

57 posted on 03/28/2003 4:49:11 PM PST by JSteff

DUH... A "smart time traveler" would have read the internet archives, and found out how he got arrested, and worked out different plans until he gets back clean. But if he were a smart time traveler, he would not be using time travel for illegal purposes now would he. I guess this is a "stupid time traveler" story then.

I wonder if this hits the news in 2256 as Darwin Award. Time traveler ignores common knowledge, and gets stuck jail for 50 years in 2003.

58 posted on 03/28/2003 4:59:00 PM PST by ElectricRook

Did somebody call for Manse Everard?

59 posted on 03/28/2003 5:06:24 PM PST by kcar

"And the cure for AIDS -- lots and lots of cheeseburgers."

"No. That would be preventive medicine."

No, the preventative medicine for AIDS is to keep the reproductive organ of one man out of the rectum of another man.

The cure for AIDS is to quarantine those who are unwilling to follow the preventative medicine procedures.

60 posted on 03/28/2003 6:18:10 PM PST by SpyGuy

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794