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~Saying good bye~
CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Sept 23, 2003 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author

Posted on 09/23/2003 6:48:59 PM PDT by carlo3b

~Saying good bye~

Dealing with loss, and surviving...

Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.

Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.

Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.

With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
 
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard
Grieving, is our tribute to true love.

Finding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
 
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
 
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections
Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways.  Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change.  Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...
"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"
-C J Morelli
Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..
"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.

One of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
 
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
 
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
 
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....  

I love you...

By Chef Carlo J. Morelli,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad



TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Free Republic; Miscellaneous; Philosophy; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: coping; grief; grieving; surviving
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To: 4mycountry
That is truly beautiful... : o} )
81 posted on 09/23/2003 8:35:34 PM PDT by tubebender (FReeRepublic...How bad have you got it...)
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To: carlo3b
Carlo, you have me not just in tears, but sobbing. This is so beautiful, yet so sad. Thank you for sharing it. I am going to keep this and share it with others who will understand.
82 posted on 09/23/2003 8:40:32 PM PDT by ladyinred (The left have blood on their hands.)
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To: WVNan
WVNan,"It was in the order of things. He was 87. "This is an "I love you thread"-you loved him.
83 posted on 09/23/2003 8:45:13 PM PDT by fatima (Jim,Karen,We are so proud of you.Thank you for all you do for our country.4th ID)
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To: carlo3b
That is lovely. I hope you are not experiencing difficalties in your life right now.
84 posted on 09/23/2003 8:45:18 PM PDT by potlatch (If you want breakfast in bed - - - sleep in the kitchen!)
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To: fatima
Of course I loved him. He was my favorite uncle. He was a WWII hero. But his passing was a natural thing, unlike my 22 year old son who died from bone cancer. That was, and is an ache that never heals, and colors the days of my life.
85 posted on 09/23/2003 8:58:13 PM PDT by WVNan
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To: WVNan
22 year old son who died from bone cancer.Always there,your hearts with him,what is his name.
86 posted on 09/23/2003 9:03:19 PM PDT by fatima (Jim,Karen,We are so proud of you.Thank you for all you do for our country.4th ID)
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To: fatima
His name is Paul. He died in 1979 and it's as if it were yesterday.
87 posted on 09/23/2003 9:06:36 PM PDT by WVNan
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To: carlo3b
You know I love you very much, my dear friend. I'm always here whenever you need a shoulder to rest your head or a willing ear to listen should you wish to talk.

I'm sorry that you've lost someone you love. She must have been very special to have won your heart. The days may seem cloudy and rainy ahead, but as a wise man once told me, "The rain will go away and it's effects will yield flowers and fruits. Then the sun will again shine and all you will see is the beautiful world we live in. However watch the puddles, they are a reminder of the rain and not the results." Don't focus on the puddles, watch for the flowers.

HUGGGG, Sweetie

88 posted on 09/23/2003 9:16:25 PM PDT by jellybean ( :))
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To: carlo3b
You bet it is!!!

I don't believe I've had a direct conversation with you, but I want you to know that you have my sisterly love in Him.

*hugs*

89 posted on 09/23/2003 9:21:15 PM PDT by PurVirgo (Here's a tip: Never weed eat the dogpen with your mouth open.)
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To: WVNan
Paul,I love you Paul,your Mom loves you to.I know you are happy to be with God,Paul pray for me and your Mom,Your Mom misses you,Fatima.Prayers for all lurkers not posting.
90 posted on 09/23/2003 9:24:55 PM PDT by fatima (Jim,Karen,We are so proud of you.Thank you for all you do for our country.4th ID)
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To: carlo3b
You're a wise man.
91 posted on 09/23/2003 9:25:26 PM PDT by hasegawasama
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To: carlo3b
you've got mail!
92 posted on 09/23/2003 9:33:34 PM PDT by piasa (Attitude adjustments offered here free of charge.)
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To: mhking
If you ever need, I'm here, my friend.

And you are a dear friend.. just knowing all of you are always close, is help enough.. thank you so very much..

93 posted on 09/23/2003 9:37:26 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: hasegawasama
You're a wise man.

..and your kind to say so.. days are getting shorter, but the memories linger on.. :)

94 posted on 09/23/2003 9:56:29 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
Beautiful Thread Carlo .. but the title scared me
95 posted on 09/23/2003 9:58:18 PM PDT by Mo1 (http://www.favewavs.com/wavs/cartoons/spdemocrats.wav)
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To: WVNan
To Paul and you my sweetheart.. I will remember both of you, and many others in my special prayers tonight.. huggg
96 posted on 09/23/2003 9:58:48 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: PurVirgo
but I want you to know that you have my sisterly love in Him.

He'll keep us warm on the cold days to come.. Thank you my dear girl.. HUG

97 posted on 09/23/2003 10:02:09 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: Mo1
I never thought of how the title could have another meaning when I posted it.. I'm not going anywhere as long as I don't wear out my welcome.. Come to think of it, it properly ticked off a few FReepers when they discovered I wasn't posting an opus!! LOLOLOL
98 posted on 09/23/2003 10:07:13 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: jellybean
Don't focus on the puddles, watch for the flowers.

Thank you my honey.. I know I can always count on your being there for me. It's something in the air today, I'll get by without much fuss.. {{{{ kiss}}}}

99 posted on 09/23/2003 10:11:15 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
Beautiful post Carlo. You bring a lot of love to this board. Take care.
100 posted on 09/23/2003 10:12:24 PM PDT by nicksaunt
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