Free Republic
Browse · Search
Religion
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

THE RIGHT WAY TO ACT WHEN YOU MEET JESUS. . . AND STAY ON HIS GOOD SIDE!
The Weekly World News ^ | 11/21/2001 | Unknown

Posted on 12/08/2004 6:20:48 AM PST by Alex Murphy

Most biblical scholars agree that the Second Coming of Jesus is just around the corner, with the Son of God likely to return to Earth as early as December. And a new book by a top Bible expert tells how to conduct themselves in His presence.

"If you are lucky enough to meet Jesus in person, you want to make the best impression possible," declares the Rev. Keith Pithe, author of of the exciting new book A Godly Manner.

Here are some of the common Second Coming etiquette, followed by the Rev. Pithe's answers:



TOPICS: Humor; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: secondcoming; weeklyworldnews
"Most biblical scholars agree that the Second Coming of Jesus is just around the corner, with the Son of God likely to return to Earth as early as December" - December 2001, that is, per the original publication date of the article.
1 posted on 12/08/2004 6:20:49 AM PST by Alex Murphy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy
Wow! Thanks for the post. I wouldn't want to commit a faux pas around The Lamb.

I wonder if anyone else might have a tip or two on the proper way to behave
2 posted on 12/08/2004 7:03:03 AM PST by Gamecock (Threads started by Gamecock on FR do not necessarily represent the views of the GRPL)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

I would probably not invite him over for a screening of the Life of Brian...tho he might find the last song catchy....


3 posted on 12/08/2004 7:26:16 AM PST by Adder (Can we bring back stoning again? Please?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock
Wow! Thanks for the post. I wouldn't want to commit a faux pas around The Lamb.

I wonder if serving the Lamb lamb would be a faux pas.

4 posted on 12/08/2004 8:42:27 AM PST by RonF
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy; Gamecock
This must be male humor. I, for one, am offended.

When Jesus comes for supper next Monday, right after football, I'm complaining to him about all of you.

We're having pizza.

5 posted on 12/08/2004 9:09:12 AM PST by Dr. Eckleburg (There are very few shades of gray.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Dr. Eckleburg; Gamecock
We're having pizza.

With anchovies? Don't order the Meat Lovers' kind, unless you remember to ask Pizza Hut to hold the Canadian bacon and the sausage that night.

6 posted on 12/08/2004 9:17:53 AM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy; Gamecock

Jesus prefers thin crust.

He may be divine, but He watches the scale, too. Thirty-three is not 23.

Don't we know it, eh?


7 posted on 12/08/2004 9:23:58 AM PST by Dr. Eckleburg (There are very few shades of gray.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy; Dr. Eckleburg; rwfromkansas; Avenger; topcat54; HarleyD; Lexinom; RonF; Frumanchu; ...
hold the Canadian bacon and the sausage that night.

Now see! Those are good tips! Any other ideas?

8 posted on 12/08/2004 9:27:57 AM PST by Gamecock (Threads started by Gamecock on FR do not necessarily represent the views of the GRPL)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock; Alex Murphy

I hope it's not on a Sunday. I wouldn't want to have to ask Him to come to church with me. He might be offended by someone's comments or worse He might not agree with the doctrine!


9 posted on 12/08/2004 9:31:06 AM PST by suzyjaruki (Lord, help us, for often we are lukewarm.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

You might want to ask Mrs. Betty Bowers.


10 posted on 12/08/2004 9:31:37 AM PST by the invisib1e hand (if a man lives long enough, he gets to see the same thing over and over.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: suzyjaruki

Ditto here. If he shows up this Sunday I guess I won't be checking out our local ECUSA church as I had planned!


11 posted on 12/08/2004 9:32:13 AM PST by bonfire
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Dr. Eckleburg

I'm sorry if I was to meet Jesus, I would bow in praise and tell him how much he means to me how much I worship him and his word.

I would hope we would give Jesus the best of everything that is in the world, but Jesus would proably not want to be in the most glamorous place in the world he would be with the poor the sick the lonely, and that is where he would want us to place our values...


12 posted on 12/08/2004 9:40:02 AM PST by missyme
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy; Gamecock; Dr. Eckleburg
"How do I address Jesus? Master, My Lord or Father are the most appropriate forms of address."

Hmmmmmm....this raises a trinitrian problem. Is our Lord Jesus "the Father"? He says "I and the Father are one." but there is a distinction since the Son proceeds from the Father. And then there's that event where God the Father said, "This is my beloved Son...". Please hurry. Could someone QUICKLY clarify before I say something I shouldn't.

13 posted on 12/08/2004 10:09:38 AM PST by HarleyD
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: missyme; Alex Murphy; Gamecock
"Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is." - 1 John 3:2.

Your post reminded me of a lovely sermon I found while floating through the internet the other day. It was truly comforting.

A GLIMPSE INTO ETERNITY by Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer

14 posted on 12/08/2004 10:13:38 AM PST by Dr. Eckleburg (There are very few shades of gray.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: HarleyD

Too late. 8~)


15 posted on 12/08/2004 10:14:36 AM PST by Dr. Eckleburg (There are very few shades of gray.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Dr. Eckleburg

He's with you?


16 posted on 12/08/2004 10:19:39 AM PST by bonfire
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: bonfire

We have a spare room over the garage. He comes and goes whenever He likes.


17 posted on 12/08/2004 10:27:37 AM PST by Dr. Eckleburg (There are very few shades of gray.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock
I wonder if anyone else might have a tip or two on the proper way to behave

17 When I caught sight of him, I fell down at his feet as though dead.

John and Ezekiel both seem to indicate you just act naturally.

18 posted on 12/08/2004 10:30:46 AM PST by siunevada
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy

'Jesus is comimg'.

'Look busy'.


19 posted on 12/08/2004 10:37:03 AM PST by headsonpikes (Another five-fingered Canadian... ;^))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jwfiv; TheBigB

Another reason to love the Weekly World News.


20 posted on 12/08/2004 10:41:32 AM PST by Serb5150 (Christlich leben selig sterben ist das beste das wir erben.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy

###"Is it O.K. to make a joke? Yes. Jesus has a wonderful sense of humor, although it would be a good idea to keep your jokes clean"###

We are made in the image of God so as we have senses of humor, Jesus must also. One thing though is that Jesus was also "a Man of Sorrows"


21 posted on 12/08/2004 10:58:00 AM PST by franky (Pray for the souls of the faithful departed. Pray for our own souls to receive the grace of a happy)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: missyme; Dr. Eckleburg
... I would bow in praise and tell him how much he means to me how much I worship him and his word.

...but Jesus would proably not want to be in the most glamorous place in the world he would be with the poor the sick the lonely, and that is where he would want us to place our values...

Are you saying you would miss out on even meeting him?

22 posted on 12/08/2004 11:03:39 AM PST by Gamecock (Threads started by Gamecock on FR do not necessarily represent the views of the GRPL)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: HarleyD

As Jesus is the Word made Flesh I believe we can figure Christ to be a physical being. The Father and Holy spirit are spiritual beings therefore They will be revealed in Jesus upon His returm. This will be when all things are made new.

A question is raised about our judgement upon our immediate death. I think we will be judged in our spirits and those in heaven will enter the new earth as physical beings with Jesus at the Second Coming.


23 posted on 12/08/2004 11:07:14 AM PST by franky (Pray for the souls of the faithful departed. Pray for our own souls to receive the grace of a happy)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

Absoloutely not! I would go and see him anywhere he was in the world in a New York Minute!


24 posted on 12/08/2004 11:14:25 AM PST by missyme
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: bonfire

I'd love to bring him to my ECUSA parish. Maybe he'd stand up and preach!


25 posted on 12/08/2004 11:47:45 AM PST by RonF
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy

Wasn't this on World Net Daily?


26 posted on 12/08/2004 11:49:25 AM PST by GSWarrior
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy
"How should I show my reverence?"

You will, as John did, fall at His feet as one dead!

Noone gets frivolous with the God of the universe.

27 posted on 12/08/2004 12:04:39 PM PST by nightdriver
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nightdriver

i would gladly do exactly that, and beg like crazy.


28 posted on 12/08/2004 6:51:36 PM PST by anonymo001
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: HarleyD

he is emmanuel which means god among us.
he is god and he is of god. he is a different being, but the same.

It might sound confusing, but i get it completely
;^)


29 posted on 12/08/2004 6:54:20 PM PST by anonymo001
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy

considering everything that is going on in this world.
I'd say we have 3 1/2 yrs after easter.


30 posted on 12/08/2004 6:57:23 PM PST by anonymo001
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy
True. Get on his bad side and you may get the ultimate ZOT from the man himself. After all, he and God are the only beings ahead of Jim Robinson on the ZOT chain of command.
31 posted on 12/08/2004 6:59:37 PM PST by KoRn
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy
When He came to the Jews, he came in a form they didn't recognize. He'll likely come in a form Christians don't recognize.

32 posted on 12/08/2004 7:10:04 PM PST by William Terrell (Individuals can exist without government but government can't exist without individuals.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Religion
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson