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Report: Jesus Spoke With Spectacular British Accent
Eye of the Tiber ^ | 11/17/2013

Posted on 11/17/2013 5:15:36 PM PST by markomalley

Lansing, MI––A recently discovered DVD found in the attic of the Williams family last night has shed light on the language and accent used by the Son of God while on earth, the Lansing family is reporting this morning.

After close to 2,000 years, the mystery of Jesus’ dialect and accent was answered after the Williams family’s stunning find while watching a DVD of the 1977 television miniseries of Jesus of Nazareth produced by the BBC.

The 2-DVD set, which many in the Williams family believed was “lost forever” showed Jesus of Nazareth speaking in English, a shocking revelation to many who long believed he spoke Aramaic.

“We simply couldn’t believe our ears,” Jan Williams, 54, reported to EOTT this morning.

“I remember, Jesus finally appears in the movie, ready to be baptized by John the Baptist, and John says something like, ‘It is I who needs to be baptized by you, and yet, you come to me.’ Then Jesus says, ‘Let it be so…we must fulfill all righteousness’ in the most spectacular British accent.”

19-year-old Wendy Williams reported that his british accent was not only ”stirring,” but that it also contained the dramatic inflection and timing of a “wonderful” stage actor.

“It was as though you were listening to the renowned British actor Robert Powell.”

At press time, biblical scholars from around the globe are investigating reports that Jesus yelled a lot, and that he did not bleed as much as portrayed in The Passion of the Christ.


TOPICS: Catholic; Humor
KEYWORDS: bbc; jesus; language; satire
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1 posted on 11/17/2013 5:15:37 PM PST by markomalley
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You've been warned.

2 posted on 11/17/2013 5:18:36 PM PST by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: markomalley

It’s a well-known fact. /s


3 posted on 11/17/2013 5:18:43 PM PST by vladimir998
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To: markomalley

So did Moses, Ramses, Achilles, Agamemnon, Cleopatra, Caesar, Brutus, Seneca, etc.


4 posted on 11/17/2013 5:18:57 PM PST by rfp1234 (Impeach We Much!)
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To: Gamecock; Alex Murphy

Thought you two might enjoy this...ping...


5 posted on 11/17/2013 5:19:09 PM PST by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: markomalley

Jesus was white?


6 posted on 11/17/2013 5:19:59 PM PST by ConservativeInPA (Molon Labe - shall not be questioned)
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To: markomalley

I thought he spoke more like Sean Connery.


7 posted on 11/17/2013 5:21:25 PM PST by Conspiracy Guy (On the evening of 10/16/13, the ailing republican party breathed its last breath.)
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To: rfp1234

Not when Moses spoke like Charlton Heston . . .


8 posted on 11/17/2013 5:22:16 PM PST by Olog-hai
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To: markomalley

Well, there are those stories about Jesus studying in Britain...and since he is God, the could easily bypass all that pesky language development throughout the centuries...


9 posted on 11/17/2013 5:24:11 PM PST by Calvin Locke
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To: Conspiracy Guy

Well anyway, I’m pretty sure he didn’t sound like Max Von Sydow.


10 posted on 11/17/2013 5:24:20 PM PST by Argus
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To: markomalley

My answer to satire

@#$% !!!


11 posted on 11/17/2013 5:24:46 PM PST by WildHighlander57 ((WildHighlander57 returning after lurking since 2000))
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To: markomalley
Hahaha.

The Brits DO make so many movies, especially old ones, that when there ISN'T a Brit accent, I wonder.

12 posted on 11/17/2013 5:25:07 PM PST by cloudmountain
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To: markomalley

And Capt. Picquard of Star Trek fame who grew up in France and worked in a vineyard spoke with a British accent as well. Funny how it gets around. Which also brings up the question: People from England came to America but we don’t speak with an English accent but yet those that went to Australia do in a way along with some of their slang and idioms.


13 posted on 11/17/2013 5:25:57 PM PST by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church will want to picket your funeral.)
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To: ConservativeInPA

“The already proved that Jesus was an Ethiopian.” /George Jefferson’s B-I-L?


14 posted on 11/17/2013 5:26:12 PM PST by Calvin Locke
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To: Calvin Locke

And was the holy Lamb of God on England’s pleasant pastures seen?


15 posted on 11/17/2013 5:26:18 PM PST by Argus
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To: markomalley
Usually, it's "British scientists have discovered...."
It's almost a cliche.
16 posted on 11/17/2013 5:26:22 PM PST by cloudmountain
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To: markomalley; Alex Murphy

Many her on FR will say He spoke English as spoken circa 1611. As a matter of fact they will say everyone in the Bible spoke King James English.


17 posted on 11/17/2013 5:26:22 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: markomalley

It’s real...and it’s spectacular.


18 posted on 11/17/2013 5:27:19 PM PST by AndrewB (FUBO)
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To: ConservativeInPA
Jesus was white?

Jesus is just all white with me, jesus is just all white, oh yeah
Jesus is just all white with me, jesus is just all white

I don't care what they may say
I don't care what they may do
I don't care what they may say
Jesus is just all white, oh yeah
Jesus is just all white

19 posted on 11/17/2013 5:30:13 PM PST by null and void (I'm betting on an Obama Trifecta: A Nobel Peace Prize, an Impeachment, AND a War Crimes Trial...)
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To: markomalley
There was a semi-tongue in cheek episode of the X-Files titled "The Lazarus Bowl," that was built on (what I thought was) a pretty cool premise: as Christ spoke the words resurrecting Lazarus, a potter nearby was forming a bowl and the words were recorded a la a phonograph...
20 posted on 11/17/2013 5:33:12 PM PST by Joe 6-pack (Qui me amat, amat et canem meum.)
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To: SkyDancer
Which also brings up the question: People from England came to America but we don’t speak with an English accent but yet those that went to Australia do in a way along with some of their slang and idioms.

Perhaps it has something to do with the majority of Americans being Germans who learned English?

21 posted on 11/17/2013 5:33:15 PM PST by Rightwing Conspiratr1
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To: null and void

LOL. I wonder how many people were smoking to much listening to the Dobbie Brothers.


22 posted on 11/17/2013 5:33:49 PM PST by ConservativeInPA (Molon Labe - shall not be questioned)
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To: Conspiracy Guy

I kinda doubt Jesus would whistle his S’s.


23 posted on 11/17/2013 5:33:50 PM PST by ResponseAbility (The truth of liberalism is the stupid can feel smart, the lazy entitled, and the immoral unashamed)
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To: null and void

I think Jesus was a redneck carpenter.


24 posted on 11/17/2013 5:35:44 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (The Lion of Judah will roar again if you give him a big hug and a cheer and mean it. See my page.)
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To: markomalley

I AM SPARTICUS!


25 posted on 11/17/2013 5:36:03 PM PST by Bullish (The only real solution is to abolish liberal democrats forever)
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To: Conspiracy Guy

You are half right. Jesus spoke like Sean Connery, but the Saturday Night Live version of him.


26 posted on 11/17/2013 5:36:22 PM PST by goodwithagun (My gun has killed fewer people than Ted Kennedy's car.)
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To: Argus

Nor did he speak like Vin Diesel or Sean Penn. I know that we all understand what he is saying no matter what language he spoke when he walked the Earth.


27 posted on 11/17/2013 5:36:37 PM PST by Conspiracy Guy (On the evening of 10/16/13, the ailing republican party breathed its last breath.)
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To: Joe 6-pack; markomalley
Correction to my #20: The episode was titled, Hollywood A.D.
28 posted on 11/17/2013 5:36:59 PM PST by Joe 6-pack (Qui me amat, amat et canem meum.)
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To: ResponseAbility

He does not used excess reverb or a teleprompter either.


29 posted on 11/17/2013 5:37:53 PM PST by Conspiracy Guy (On the evening of 10/16/13, the ailing republican party breathed its last breath.)
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To: goodwithagun

I’ll take Swords for 100 Alex.


30 posted on 11/17/2013 5:38:39 PM PST by Conspiracy Guy (On the evening of 10/16/13, the ailing republican party breathed its last breath.)
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To: Conspiracy Guy

Nor really bad analogies.


31 posted on 11/17/2013 5:39:12 PM PST by goodwithagun (My gun has killed fewer people than Ted Kennedy's car.)
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To: markomalley
A base canard! Everyone knows that Jesus was a Celt and Judas was British!



"Dia shábháil ar fad anseo!"

Genuflectimus non ad principem sed ad Principem Pacis!

Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)

32 posted on 11/17/2013 5:39:29 PM PST by ConorMacNessa (HM/2 USN - 3/5 Marines RVN 1969 - St. Michael the Archangel defend us in Battle!)
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To: goodwithagun

“The sound a dog makes.”
“Moo”
“Incorrect. We would have accepted bow-wow or ruff.”
“Ah ruff, just the way your mother likes it Trebek.”


33 posted on 11/17/2013 5:41:00 PM PST by EEGator
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To: Conspiracy Guy

He does not “USE” excess reverb or a teleprompter either.

I have to learn to proof read again.


34 posted on 11/17/2013 5:41:32 PM PST by Conspiracy Guy (On the evening of 10/16/13, the ailing republican party breathed its last breath.)
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To: Argus
I don't think He was revealed as such during His student days in Britain...

You may be confusing that story with the Mormon belief of Christ appearing in the Americas.

35 posted on 11/17/2013 5:42:53 PM PST by Calvin Locke
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To: Joe 6-pack

“There was a semi-tongue in cheek episode of the X-Files titled “The Lazarus Bowl,” that was built on (what I thought was) a pretty cool premise: as Christ spoke the words resurrecting Lazarus, a potter nearby was forming a bowl and the words were recorded a la a phonograph...”

I am a fan of the X-Files and didn’t remember the episode. Since the premise sounds interesting I looked it up on Netflix, but there isn’t an episode with that title. All of the episodes are available so perhaps that isn’t the title? Would really like to know!


36 posted on 11/17/2013 5:43:58 PM PST by gop4lyf (Are we no longer in that awkward time? Or is it still too early?)
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To: ConorMacNessa

In that era, what was the difference?


37 posted on 11/17/2013 5:44:41 PM PST by moose07 (the truth will out ,one day. This is not the post you are looking for ....move along now....)
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To: moose07
I mis-spoke. I meant to say that Judas was English.



"Dia shábháil ar fad anseo!"

Genuflectimus non ad principem sed ad Principem Pacis!

Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)

38 posted on 11/17/2013 5:47:37 PM PST by ConorMacNessa (HM/2 USN - 3/5 Marines RVN 1969 - St. Michael the Archangel defend us in Battle!)
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To: markomalley

Found it... http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archaeoacoustics

“A 2000 episode of The X-Files, “Hollywood A.D.”, features “The Lazarus Bowl”, a mythical piece of pottery reputed to have recorded on it the words that Jesus Christ spoke when he raised Lazarus from the dead.”

Have it queued up now.


39 posted on 11/17/2013 5:48:17 PM PST by gop4lyf (Are we no longer in that awkward time? Or is it still too early?)
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To: gop4lyf

See my #28. The correct title is “Hollywood AD”.


40 posted on 11/17/2013 5:48:31 PM PST by Joe 6-pack (Qui me amat, amat et canem meum.)
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To: markomalley

bloddy ‘ell!


41 posted on 11/17/2013 5:48:39 PM PST by bigbob (The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly. Abraham Lincoln)
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To: markomalley

Good satire, but I must say that this actor, Robert Powell was extraordinary in this most impossible of roles. His eyes alone were very moving. Jesus of Nazareth was a great miniseries.


42 posted on 11/17/2013 5:50:52 PM PST by untwist (One Bad-Assed Mistake, America!)
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To: markomalley

The British accent was a divine affectation. Vide: http://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Was-Episcopalian-You-Can/dp/1595180001/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1384739285&sr=1-1&keywords=jesus+was+an+episcopalian+and+you+can+be+one+too


43 posted on 11/17/2013 5:51:53 PM PST by Bill W was a conservative (Profile, detain, interrogate, deport.)
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To: null and void

[applause]


44 posted on 11/17/2013 5:55:55 PM PST by RichInOC (2013-14 Tiber Swim Team)
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To: markomalley
Years ago in Ireland, there was a priest who was very anti-British. Every Sunday he would blast them from the pulpit. He became so notorious that the Pope himself summoned the priest to Rome for an audience.

"Father," said the Pope, "I want that there should be peace between the British and the Irish. You're not helping matters at all. I want you to kiss my ring and swear by the Blessed Virgin that you'll never so much as mention the British in public again."

"But Your Holiness, I - I - " the priest stammered.

"No buts," said the Pope. "Swear it here and now or there'll be trouble!"

"Aye, Holy Father," sighed the father. "All right. I swear it."

The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon.

He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me."

The priest continues: "Saint Andrew jumps up and says, 'Is it I Lord?' and the Lord says, 'Nay, Andy darlin', it's not you. Sit down now and dunna worry. Eat your supper.'

Then Saint John the Divine gets up with tears in his eyes and cries, 'Is it I Lord?' And the Lord says, 'Nay, Johnny me boy, it's not you. Sit down now and dunna fret yourself. Eat your supper.'

"Then that dirty dog Judas Iscariot slowww-ly rises to his feet. And he looks the Lord right in the eye and says, 'Blimey, Mate. Ya think it's me?"



"Dia shábháil ar fad anseo!"

Genuflectimus non ad principem sed ad Principem Pacis!

Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)

45 posted on 11/17/2013 5:56:15 PM PST by ConorMacNessa (HM/2 USN - 3/5 Marines RVN 1969 - St. Michael the Archangel defend us in Battle!)
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To: markomalley

What I find very interesting is that, among the Roman occupying Forces, the officials spoke with lovely, refined British Accents while the ordinary foot soldiers had Cockney Accents!

(Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique.
If you spoke as they do sir, instead of the way you do,
Why you might be occupying Judea too!”


46 posted on 11/17/2013 5:56:15 PM PST by left that other site (.)
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To: ConorMacNessa

He would have been a Roman Citizen.
England didn’t exist until 408AD.
Before the Roman invasion it was Celtic.

He must have been from Kent. :)


47 posted on 11/17/2013 5:57:34 PM PST by moose07 (the truth will out ,one day. This is not the post you are looking for ....move along now....)
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To: RichInOC

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.


48 posted on 11/17/2013 5:57:38 PM PST by null and void (I'm betting on an Obama Trifecta: A Nobel Peace Prize, an Impeachment, AND a War Crimes Trial...)
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To: markomalley

Thank you for the warning, there have been too many times when it was hard to tell the difference.

I have always been amazed at how many agave plants and prickly pear cactuses grew in the middle east during Jesus’ time!


49 posted on 11/17/2013 5:58:07 PM PST by Ellendra ("Laws were most numerous when the Commonwealth was most corrupt." -Tacitus)
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To: EEGator

Snort! Now I’m going to YouTube to watch some clips. I need a laugh. My little ones almost drove this mama over the edge today.


50 posted on 11/17/2013 5:59:33 PM PST by goodwithagun (My gun has killed fewer people than Ted Kennedy's car.)
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