With thanks to Meek n Ming.
Posted on 06/05/2002 1:18:23 PM PDT by Stand Watch Listen
While many of you have heard that early next year the University of Arkansas at Little Rock will offer a course based entirely on the study of Bill Clinton and his presidency, I'm sure that most of you are not fully aware of what the specific areas of study will be. All we know for sure is that the course will be taught by Margaret Scranton, a professor who teaches political science and is a Republican, providing living proof of the school's proactive stance on affirmative action. When I heard about the course tentatively called "Clinton 101", I wanted to learn more.
During my investigation, I was surprised to learn that the University of Arkansas was not Clinton's first choice concerning where the class should be taught. Clinton preferred that his presidency be studied via a graduate program at Oxford, but apparently that school's dean nixed the idea of an entire course and instead opted to memorialize Clinton's early Oxford years in a different way. Just last week, Oxford's dean held a moving ceremony in which he lit an "eternal doobie" that will burn forever in front of the library.
Back at the University of Arkansas, what will "Clinton 101" entail? I have managed to get my hands on an early draft of the class syllabus and in doing so was surprised to learn many things that will be taught in the course. I offer it here exclusively for Toogood Reports readers.
Course Syllabus: Clinton 101
University of Arkansas at Little Rock
Professor: Margaret Scranton
Key Concept of the Course—To study and discuss not only the eight years of Bill Clinton's presidency, but also the formative years of the man who would become the first impeached president since Andrew Johnson. Questions the course will encourage students to find answers for include but are not limited to the following:
- A man who "loathes the military" ended up commanding the most powerful military force in the world. Is this one of the most ironic events in U.S. history? World history?
- Between 1992 and 2000, did life imitate Hee-Haw, or did Hee-Haw imitate life?
- Debating the word "is": Third person singular present indicative of the verb "be", or two lettered legal stall tactic of a pants dropping politician?
- When Monica Lewinsky delivered the pizza to the Oval Office, was any of it left by the time she got there?
- The marriage of Bill and Hillary has allegedly been marred by a series of extra-marital affairs. What is it about that charismatic, rugged masculine quality that seems to attract so many women? Also, what attracts them to Bill?
- Hugh Rodham, morbidly obese brother-in-law, or highly skilled gastric intern smuggler?
Required Reading
- "Why don't you just raise your price?" President Clinton Teaches Business Owners Economically Sound Ways to Fight High Taxes - Bradley, 1994
- The Starr Report - Starr, 1999
- Denise Rich, Eleanor Mondale, Jane Doe #5, etc. - A Complete List of Every Woman Bill Clinton's Described As Having "Bodacious Wambo's" - Richards, 1998
- Slouching Towards Gonorrhea: Robert Bork Examines The Clinton Years -Bork, 2002
- From Trailer Park to Gorky Park: How A Boy From Arkansas Ended Up In Russia - Alvarez, 1997
- Dorf on Politics - Robert Reich, 1999
- "Mommy, why's there a chair inside this podium?": Questions Kids Ask on the Clinton Library Tour - McClure, 2001
Grading
In keeping with the overall subject and theme of the course, you will not be graded on the results of your efforts, but rather on what you say your intentions were. There will be 10 essay examinations. 20% of your grade will be based on performance, and 80% will be based on intentions. If you intended for none of your grade to be based on performance, then all of your grade will be based on intentions.
In addition to the in class work, we will also be taking three field trips. These trips make up a part of your final grade and attendance is mandatory, unless you just can't make it. The three field trips we will be taking are to the:
- Presidential Suite at the Excelsior Hotel in Little Rock. We'll take a look at the legendary room where Bill Clinton dropped more drawers than a drunken dresser mover for "Two Men and a Truck."
- Boyhood home of Roger Clinton. Who would have guessed that this small, rusty trailer was where the brother of a former president of the United States spent his formative years. He still lives there, so if we visit before noon please keep quiet so as to not wake him.
- Secret meeting room of the now defunct Little Rock State Troopers' elite "Skank Corps" trailer chick procurement team. These highly trained and unsung officers are in many ways the founding fathers of the Clinton legacy.
On the final day of the course Mr. Clinton will speak to us personally. He's looking forward to having you all in class.
This should be forwarded to Margaret Scranton (assuming she isn't a Freeper already....she's a Republican as y'know.)
The Ebonics Conjugation of the verb “to be”.
I “be”_________We “be”
You “be”______You “be” (formal)
He “be”_______They “be”
OK, I be done.
CLINTON 101 - Basic Racketeering
PRE-REQS:
"History 300 - How to Re-Write it"
"Diversion 343 - Wag the Elian" (Pre-req: Diversion 342)
"Diversion 342 - Wag the Iraqi" (Pre-req: Diversion 341)
"Diversion 341 - Wag the Serb" (Pre-req: Scandal 101, 201, 301)
"Scandal 301 - Grand Jury Perjury"
"Biology 388 - DNA Evidence" (Pre-req: Intern 269)
"Economics 319 - Markets Run Themselves" (No Course Work Required)
"English 330 - What 'IS' is"
"Phys Ed 240 - Sexual Assault"
Presidential Grad School for Clinton Studies?
Source: www.abcnews.go.com
Published: Thursday April 27, 2000 Author: Josh Gerstein
(HENCH comments)
On more than one occasion, White House reporters have been heard to grouse that President Clinton’s speeches can often sound like college lectures. Within a couple of years, that could be pretty close to the truth.
The University of Arkansas is moving forward with plans to start a graduate program in public policy that would be known as the Clinton School. (Klinton School of WHAT, racketeering?) The school would be housed at the yet-to-be-built Clinton presidential library and would award master’s degrees in “Leadership and Public Service.” (Masturbating degrees in leading young interns into "public service")
Clinton has been involved in the planning for the university program, but he hasn’t said much about it publicly. (Too vulgar for most audiences.) In a speech last December, Clinton said he wants his library to be more than just a stale collection of objects and papers. (Like, maybe we can have Monica there, instead of just her stained dress and false affadavit?) “I want this to be a museum, but not a mausoleum,” he said. While he mentioned the graduate program only briefly, the president was clearly excited about an effort he wants to make to let up-and-coming business executives take a year off to work in government under the auspices of the Clinton school. (First he needs SOME kind of incentive to get people to visit the LIE-brary, money always works.)
“I also want to develop partnerships with corporations all across America to bring their young executives here, to get them to agree to let their young people take a little time off to be in public service without being prejudiced in their rise up the corporate hierarchy,” he said. (Now he wants to tax businesses to pay for his liberal brainwash scheme.)
The Clinton School sounds like heaven for the policy wonk. A written proposal circulated to University of Arkansas faculty suggests the following course titles: “Decision Making with a Leadership and Service Model,” “Dynamics of Problem and Conflict Resolution,” “Visions of Community, and Communicating the Vision.” Three of those four courses would include an ethics component. (Yeah, how to shamelessly have NO ETHICS.)
According to the proposal, being a student at the school wouldn’t be only about altruistic public service:
“Graduates from such a prestigious program will be very employable,” the document says. (More like: "Indictable.")
It’s still not clear just what role President Clinton will play in the master’s program, but he does have teaching experience. After graduating from Yale Law School in 1973, Clinton taught constitutional law for a few years at the Fayetteville branch of the University of Arkansas. (Where only one female student admitted he assaulted her.)
| clin-ton (clint’ n) [after Bill Clinton, late 20th century disbarred U.S. president whose administration is remembered primarily for impeachment, corruption and scandals. Commonly referred to as: DIRTPOTUS…Disbarred Impeached Rapist Treasonous President Of The United States] and AKA ’Clinton bin Lyin’ --n. 1. Any lewd advance towards a person of the opposite gender, usually involving touching …*The boss did a clinton on his defenseless secretary* 2. Any instance of speech or conduct involving calculated deception …*The press conference on Kosovo was a real clinton* 3. Clintonitis A virus enduring all immune-system countermeasures of rejection …*Clintonitis is like a case of a sexually transmitted disease that just won't go away. The full extent of the pernicious aliment politicus Clintonitis, long unmentionable in mixed company, has intruded in full disgusting conspicuousness upon the national consciousness. * 4. clintonoid To adhere to, defend and support blindly, regardless of evidence, to speak with guile and malice; possessing the worst attributes of the First Felon ….* The clintonoid presstitutes, Brokaw, Jennings, Rather, Rivera, continued to spike all news detrimental to the administration.* --vt. 1. To grope a person of the opposite gender in an unwelcome, unwanted manner …*He tried to clinton the man’s wife* 2. To communicate in a manner which clouds the truth by omitting essential information, or by playing with the meaning of words, or by other such deceptive means …*He clintoned his answer so much that nobody understood it* 3. To shamelessly promote a falsehood as the truth…*"Ken Starr – out of control," clintoned the media. President Bush’s Economy was the worst in the last 50 years was largely clintoned by the mainstream press * --vi. 1. To act in a boorish manner while self- righteously maintaining the appearance of dignity …*He continued to clinton while the polls held up* --adj. 1.Characterized by sleaziness or deceptiveness, lacking moral guidance …*It was a classic clintonian response* or *America’s downfall was due to the clintonization of society* 2. To foster divisiveness among races, creeds, genders, generations, classes, occupations, political parties…*The clintonized warring factions were not willing to enter peace talks* 3. ????? Clintonesque - adj. describing a deceptive use of language via careful parsing of words to render a sentence meaningless or intentionally opposite of it's obvious meaning. Eg. ("To answer the question "Is he having an affair?" with "No, he's having lunch." |
That's got to be your worst nightmare as a father – your daughter coming home saying, "I'm taking Clinton 101. There's a big oral exam at the end of the year."
Jay Leno
Does Mr. Clinton think the University of Arkansas is a girls' school?
Is this in addition to the Clinton endowed Chair in Oxford (at the Kings Arms near the loo)?
They forgot, "How many bastard children does Bubba have?" And a complete psychological case study of what you get if you are raised by the town floosey/bar fly. Or, How I learn to play the sax.
Colin Powell shows everyone what he knows about the bent one.
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