ARI FLEISCHER STOMPS BERET WEARING SOCK PUPPET AT BRIEFING

White House ^ | MARCH 5, 2003

[alaskanfan]

Anyone who claims this is about oil is either an intentional liar, or too damn stupid to be saved.

Or parroting what they have heard on NPR (national proletariat radio) your taxpayer funded hate America network.

[DeathfromBelow]

Maybe Ari can give Helen up for Lent.

[swheats]

[Cinnamon Girl]

Thanks!

[Excuse_My_Bellicosity]

BUMP!!

[Cinnamon Girl]

This was the press conference that made sock puppet history.

[Ladysmith]

That's it! That's the exchange I kept thinking of last night during the press conference. So, does anyone know for sure if Pizza the Hut...(oh no,wait)...if Jabba the Hut...(grrr! Almost there.)...if sock puppet Helen Thomas was there last night or not?

[Palladin]

I'm so happy that Helen the Horrible has finally had a sock put in her big mouth.

YIPPEE!

I love Ari Fleischer.

[finnman69]

Just curious, where are Helen's questions. I only see statements. It's time to kick her out. She's not a reporter, she's a pundit, and not a very good one for that matter.

[PISANO]

MR. FLEISCHER: They have attacked their neighbors. They have gassed their own people.

Helen: Twelve years ago!

MR. FLEISCHER: Thank you Helen. We now know YOUR statue of limitations on GENOCIDE.

[Cinnamon Girl]

Yeah, I guess Ari decided now was a good time to put the kibosh on the sockpuppet anti-Bush tirades.

[KneelBeforeZod]

why does ari keep calling on jabba the slut when its the same questions every time?

[Palladin]

Kneel, Helen was cut out completely last night. Then again today, Fleischer ignored her. He said she is NOT a reporter.

Helen's Reign of Terror is over.

[BJR]

Oh ....that's just helen thomas!

You sure gave me a start. For a moment I was having a flashback about an x-files creature that gave me nightmares.

Can't say I know who the handsome dude is.

[ru4liberty]

Using your title, I C&P'd the text, ran it thru MS Word and replaced "Helen" with "Beret-wearing Sock Puppet." I think it makes for a much better read..... ;)

---

ARI FLEISCHER STOMPS BERET WEARING SOCK PUPPET AT BRIEFING

Excerpt from today's briefing:

Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: Ari, since there is an atmosphere of the imminence of war in this White House, and since we have no direct access to the President, will you state for the record, for the historical record, why he wants to bomb Iraqi people?

MR. FLEISCHER: Beret-wearing Sock Puppet, I dispute the premise of your question, first of all. There's regular -- there's regular access to the President. The President is asked questions all the time. And when the President --

Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: He hasn't had a press conference for months.

MR. FLEISCHER: And when 14 of your colleagues spend 36 minutes asking scores of questions to the President just two days ago --

Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: Well, that's not a news conference.

MR. FLEISCHER: -- they asked the President a similar question, although they phrased it a little differently than you did. They asked the President why does he feel so strongly about the need to use force, if it comes to that, to disarm Saddam Hussein. And the answer from the President was that, given the fact that the world changed on September 11th, the threat to the American people was brought immediately to our home and to our shores and to our families, the President thinks it is in the interest of peace to make certain that Saddam Hussein does not have weapons of mass destruction which he can use against us, either by transferring them to terrorists or using them himself.

Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: There is no imminent threat.

MR. FLEISCHER: This is where -- Beret-wearing Sock Puppet, if you were President you might view things differently. But you have your judgment and the President has others.

Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: Why doesn't he prove it? Why don't you lay it out? When have they threatened in the last 12 years?

MR. FLEISCHER: They have attacked their neighbors. They have gassed their own people.

Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: Twelve years ago.

MR. FLEISCHER: They have launched attacks.
Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: With our support.

MR. FLEISCHER: And September 11th showed the United States is vulnerable to those who would attack us. And one of the best ways to protect the homeland is to go after the threats abroad.

Beret-wearing Sock Puppet: You haven't linked terrorism to Saddam Hussein, in terms of 9/11.

MR. FLEISCHER: It's not -- the threat is what took place on 9/11. You don't have to make a direct linkage between Saddam Hussein and 9/11 to know that others who are planning can try to do it again, Saddam Hussein included.

[Quix]

I wonder if someone could take her red garters and red panties and tie them securely around her mouth--the latter perhaps making a vain effort to fill the cavity?

Or perhaps in the interest of sanity at such events, those sitting next to her could wear ties or pins or hats which said something like:

Helen, SHUT YOUR FACE
SO FOLKS CAN STILL
PRETEND YOU ARE SANE.

or

HELEN, SHUT YOUR FACE!
You can't afford to
have any more marbles
fall out.

or

HELEN, SHUT YOUR FACE!
OR REGISTER AS AN AGENT
OF A FOREIGN POWER OUT
FOR OUR DOWNFALL.

or

HELEN, SHUT YOUR FACE,
THIS IS NOT THE TOILET.

or

HELEN, WIPE YOUR MOUTH
HERE'S SOME CHARMIN.

or

HELEN--SOME PEOPLE--
EVEN WITH ALZHEIMER'S
KNOW WHEN TO
LEAVE THE STAGE.

OR

HELEN, TAKE THE
CORNCOB OUT OF
YOUR PANTY HOSE
AND STUFF IT
IN YOUR MOUTH.

[Cinnamon Girl]

Outstanding and funny. Especially this one:

MR. FLEISCHER: This is where -- Beret-wearing Sock Puppet, if you were President you might view things differently. But you have your judgment and the President has others.

The idea of Ari addressing a sockpuppet this way works just as well.

"I'll show you, Ari. I won't come to your briefing tomorrow!"

[Live free or die]

Thanks a lot for the link! Ari is so cool!

[Darksheare]

Feel free to use it.

Just remember whose evil mind it came from...
That way, I'm the guy who takes the heat for it. (And you're CYA. Covering Your @rse.)
It's so unPC and insensitive after all...
(Chuckle, God do I hate the left.)

Leno and Letterman would probably feel insulted at being upstaged at insulting political figures.