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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Trump's "Excessive Expectations" Rile Senator [semi-satire]

    08/12/2017 6:56:06 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Chafing at President Trump's very public display of frustration with the failure of the Senate to pass health insurance reform, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ken) blamed "excessive expectations." "Frankly, the President is out of his depth on this," McConnell maintained. "He comes from a business milieu where the emphasis is on action and results. In government the emphasis is on process." The Majority Leader offered to "explain the process in terms that even Mr. Trump can understand. In the Senate we have agreements that both Parties abide by. All the repeals of Obamacare that we passed were guaranteed to be...
  • Please Don’t Feed the Alligators. It Just Encourages Them.

    08/12/2017 4:59:04 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 1 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 8-12-17 | MOTUS
    The Deep State media/government complex (DSC for short) would have you believe that Donald Trump is more dangerous than the little potbellied pig from NoKo with his new nuclear toy warheads. Probably because Kim Jong Un has black friends:and everyone knows Donald Trump is a racist. Of course this is the same DSC that, because they didn’t pick DJT to win would have you believe that he won only by cheating and collusion with Russia. And although KJU could annihilate us on a whim, what really terrifies the Deep State Complex is Donald Trump: because only he can drain the...
  • Document Dump Casts Doubt on Official Version of Tarmac Meeting [semi-satire]

    08/11/2017 11:51:50 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request cast a long shadow of doubt over the official version of events surrounding the "chance meeting" between former President Bill Clinton and Obama Administration Attorney General Loretta Lynch in June 2016. The official story that the meeting was a random occurrence and that the discussion was an innocent chat about grandchildren and golf was severely damaged by correspondence among Department of Justice personnel. For one, the correspondence was heavily redacted. Redaction is justified when sensitive personal data (like Social Security numbers or home addresses) or classified information might be exposed....
  • FL Man Shot His Junk After Sitting On A Loaded Gun

    08/11/2017 11:46:51 AM PDT · by w1n1 · 24 replies
    Am Shooting Journal ^ | 8/11/2017 | F Patrick
    This was a while back but worth mentioning because its humorous. You read the headline correctly, a man shot his junk, that was not a typo. A 38-year-old Florida man by the name of Cedrick Jelks shot himself in the penis after sitting on his loaded handgun (probably a 1911). Sadly there isn't much info out there about the incident other than Jelks’ 25-year old girlfriend Shanekia Roberts reported Jelks sitting in his Nissan Altima by himself and then added a couple extra holes to his penis as well as a bullet wound to the thigh. Roberts said that he...
  • “Nasty and Rotty” The Retro FLOTUS Friday edition

    08/11/2017 5:11:12 AM PDT · by NOBO2012
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 8-11-17 | MOTUS
    I know it’s FLOTUS Friday…but Deep In the Heart of Texas linked this yesterday: Michelle Obama's 'nasty, rotty' school lunch guru busted for corruption  Michelle Obama praised Binkle for his newly reformed school lunch program, which nominally imposed his rarefied chef tastes of quinoa, pad thai, black bean burgers, and other chi-chi nouvelle cuisine as a substitute for tacos, burgers, and corn dogs favored by children across the vast multi-ethnic school district.  In reality, they were overcharging, overbilling, and under-delivering, with the food turning out to be basically slop.  It probably didn't help that it was public employee unions executing...
  • Kurt Schlichter’s Hollywood Doom Prophecy Is Already Taking Place

    08/11/2017 4:40:43 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 21 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 8.11.2017 | David Blackmon
    Kurt Schlichter, who has become the most provocative and frankly most enjoyable conservative opinion writer working today, penned a piece on Thursday titled “Politically Correct Hollywood Is Doomed.” In the piece, he hilariously imagines the release of a series of films with politically correct themes and titles like Xe-Day, and Dirty Harriet, in coming years, all of which would miserably fail at the box office. It’s highly recommended reading – it will be five minutes well-invested, trust me. Turns out, though, that we don’t need Mr. Schlichter to make up imaginary films that fail miserably at the box office: As...
  • Who Put This Rabbit Hole Here?

    08/10/2017 5:21:22 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 7 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 9-10-2017 | MOTUS
    “I’m late, I’m late!” Today is Rabbit Hole Wednesday on Thursday, because I didn’t get it done yesterday. Today we examine the RQ Hypothesis: "Our new President, of course, has not been in this line of work before," said McConnell. "I think he had excessive expectations about how quickly things happen in the democratic process." Adapt, Mitchy, adapt. “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!” Or you won’t be in this line...
  • Employee Claims Google Is A Religious Cult; In Other News, Water Is Wet

    08/10/2017 5:09:18 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 16 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 8.10.2017 | David Blackmon
    A current employee of Google told a reporter for Breitbart that the tech giant is “run like a religious cult.” Well, welcome to the world of progressivism, in which everything is treated like a religious cult, complete with texts filled with dogmatic nonsense (such as gender is not determined by biological factors), forced, non-natural behaviors that, if violated result in group shunning and ridicule (“climate deniers”), and forced denial of truth (hey, maybe that deal with Iran wasn’t so great after all). The latest allegation comes fresh on the heels of the controversy over Google, Inc’s having fired an employee...
  • Rufus is "D One – Bean Shooter"

    08/09/2017 11:16:14 AM PDT · by w1n1 · 10 replies
    Am Shooting Journal ^ | 8/9/2017 | J Hines
    Rufus Hessey is D Man with the sling shot back in the day. He's also known as the "D One – Bean Shooter", which translates to modern day "bad ass" with a sling shot. Watch what he can do with a sling shot. Accuracy is a big thing with sling shots, be amaze of where he can pinpoint better than most with a .22 rifle. It's a fact that he's been a bean shooter since the age of 10 years old. What funny is that he was the youngest from a poor family of 13, his oldest brother was allowed...
  • NOKO Has Won The Coin Toss

    08/09/2017 5:39:34 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 28 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 8-9-17 | MOTUS
    Message to NOKO from PDJT via Drudge: See? This is why you can’t have nice things.And on an unrelated note: the angels will be rockin’ it out tonight.RIP Glen, You’ll always be gentle on my mindPosted from: MOTUS A.D.
  • North Korea Rattles Sabres, Liberal Heads Explode. S.O.P.

    08/09/2017 4:16:13 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 11 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 8.9.2017 | David Blackmon
    U.S. intelligence agencies have determined that the Crazy Little Fat Guy (CLFG) over in North Korea now has the ability to deliver a nuclear warhead on his ICBMs, and liberal heads exploded all over America’s fake news media and the social media space. No, they didn’t explode at the news that CLFG has deliverable nukes. Nor did their progressive heads explode with anger at former President Bill Clinton for his horrible 1994 deal with Pyong Yang, nor at George W. Bush and Barack Obama for fecklessly allowing the situation to fester for the last 16 years, joining Clinton in happily...
  • It’s a Half-Hour Later Than It Was a Half-Hour Ago

    08/08/2017 4:07:22 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 7 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 8-8-17 | MOTUS
    It’s another “you’re on your own, just make sure you behave yourself” days as I’ve got appointments all day.Summer Rhapsody by Alice PopkornJust bear in mind that it’s already July August, and behave accordingly.Posted from: MOTUS A.D.
  • Elon Musk Is A Very Creative Crony Capitalist

    08/08/2017 4:04:19 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 9 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 8.8.2017 | David Blackmon
    Elon Musk is a very creative guy. We all know it, and often admire it. He’s the guy who’s going to colonize Mars, the guy who’s going to roof your house with solar shingle and pave highways with solar pavers. He’s also the guy who is now bringing us the Tesla 3 electric motor car, his new, more compact and sporty model for which he claims to have already received 500,000 orders. It’s all so wonderful, and his giant PR operation issues about 27 press releases a week bragging about his every move. Well, ok, not quote every move. Here’s...
  • Trump Threat an "Impeachable Offense" [semi-satire]

    08/07/2017 2:14:39 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    After the failure of the Senate to repeal Obamacare, a frustrated President Trump's threat to reverse President Obama's executive action exempting members of congress from having to live under the same regulations that apply to ordinary citizens forced into Obamacare brought howls of rage from Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT). "We are members of government," Murphy fulminated. "For Trump to vindictively throw us into the pit with the common people violates the unwritten rule against one segment of this elite group harming the privileges of another. It would renege on the bipartisanship exhibited by President Obama in even handedly extending the...
  • NOTICE: You Have More Tools Than Time

    08/07/2017 5:44:40 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 4 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 8-7-17 | MOTUS
    Life is a wandering stream…and while a bend in the stream is not the end of the stream we never know for sure what is ahead.Sometimes we simply must stop and listen to our inner voice, hoping for a revelationbut settling instead for a moment of claritythat will guide us on the rest of our journey“The days are stacked against what we think we are.” ― Jim Harrison, The Road Homewherever that may take us. MOTI notes: Creeper is taking a sabbatical from the crazy world of politics so she won’t be around much until she regains her perspective.  And...
  • Can We Get That Whole CalExit Deal Moving A Little Faster?

    08/07/2017 5:22:47 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 43 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 8.7.2017 | David Blackmon
    If we didn’t have Democrats, we’d have to make them up. – Ok, I swear I didn’t make this up. It’s a real story. The far, far, far, far left wing of the far, far leftwing California Democratic Party is mounting a recall effort on their own Assembly Speaker because…wait for it…he isn’t far, far, far, far leftwing enough for them. Wait, you say, Speaker Anthony Rendon is as far, far, far leftwing as it gets, right? Well, no. See, he needed to add one more “far” to that total of “fars”, and ram through a completely unworkable proposal to...
  • Felons Vying to Be Detroit's Mayor [semi-satire]

    08/06/2017 12:27:05 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Half of the eight candidates for mayor on Detroit's Democratic primary ballot have been previously convicted criminals. Donna Marie Pitts has multiple felony convictions dating back to 1977. Danetta Simpson has a 1996 felony conviction for assault with intent to murder. Articia Bomer was charged in 2008 with carrying a concealed weapon. In 2004, Curtis Christopher Greene was sentenced to 18 months' probation under the Holmes Youthful Trainee Act for dealing marijuana and in 2005 plead guilty to writing a fraudulent check. Pitts called her conviction stemming from a shoot out at an auto repair shop "an honest disagreement over...
  • So You Say You Want a Revolution

    08/06/2017 5:50:58 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 10 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 8-6-17 | MOTUS
    The new Bernie Bro Book is coming out later this month:According to publisher Henry Holt, the former Democratic presidential candidate advises young people “to fight for a progressive economic, environmental, racial and social justice agenda that creates jobs, raises wages, protects the environment and provides healthcare for all”. Wow, doesn’t that make your head spin?If I understand the book’s format correctly it’s a graphic novel on how to complete the communist transformation of America. Originally illustrated by Barack Hussein Obama, this edition contains all new Bernie Bro graphics. The book features helpful infographics and illustrations in the hopes of breaking...
  • ‘Legacy’ Legislation to Honor McCain Proposed [semi-satire]

    08/05/2017 2:41:13 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Fresh off his crucial vote to kill the repeal of Obamacare, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is now working with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) to craft what McCain called “a fitting legacy to honor my service to the country and Senate over my lifetime.” The bill they are drafting is a revival of the so-called “Gang of Eight” measure passed by the Senate in 2013, but rejected by the House. It would give a path to citizenship to most illegal immigrants, greatly increase the number of visas to allow companies to replace American workers with foreigners and greatly increase...
  • Senators Want to Strengthen Independence of Special Counsel [semi-satire]

    08/05/2017 10:30:42 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Sens. Thom Tillis (R-NC) and Chris Coons (D-Del) are proposing legislation that would bar anyone from firing or in any way impeding Robert Mueller, the special counsel appointed to investigate President Trump and his associates for winning the 2016 presidential election. "It is critical that special counsels have the independence and resources they need to lead investigations," Tillis said. "Mueller can't be independent if he can be fired by anyone in the chain of command in the executive branch of government. He can't be independent if he must rely on congress for appropriations. He can't be independent if he must...