Free Republic

The Vatican announced this morning that they have launched “CrapHom,” a new app for iPhone and Android that allows Catholics to view which local parishes will have the lamest homilies and which will have the least lame homilies.“As everyone knows, the whole point of the homily is to instruct and uplift the faithful, but since that’s nearly impossible these days, this will at least give a user the option of not being scandalized during the homily,” a Vatican spokesman told EOTT this morning. “The point of the app is to allow parishioners the luxury of getting to hear the least...

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services.“We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences or even complete words,” said Vatican spokesman Ronaldo Bernini, going to say that the minority of young adults that can read, cannot do so fast enough to keep up with the blistering pace of the Mass. “We still have some work to do before the final version comes out. We’ve hired over one hundred teenagers to look over the new missal...

Praying The Rosary Is Not Biblical, And Is A Form Of Idolatry Just last Sunday, a local newspaper paper released an article teaching that the praying of the Holy Rosary is Bible-based. In the first two paragraphs, the writer admittedly says that there is no passage in the Bible teaching nor mentioned about the praying of Rosary. However, in the following paragraphs, the writer justified the praying of the Rosary basing it on the repetition of historical events of some Bible characters (like Gideon as he mentioned) about Israel’s history. I don’t know if the writer of this article did...

I miss the Weekly World News! It stands head–and-shoulders above the rest of the tabloids for sheer exuberance and hilarity. Other tabloids waste their time and efforts on Brangelina and Brittany Spears stories, while WWW sticks with the straight "news" of alien cab drivers and three-headed chihuahuas. At various times, I have purchased subscriptions to WWW for my old lab boss, so it would come proudly addressed to his faculty mail box, and for one of the Major Consulting Firm partners so it would be delivered in his name to the front desk at the office. Rediscovered last spring on...

How the media handles religious self identification.

YORBA LINDA — Walk into Mark Hanson’s church and nobody will greet you. The guys hanging around the foyer might even make fun of what you’re wearing, or your haircut. A sign over the entrance reads, “Grab a seat in the back and shut up. Nobody cares what you think.” Welcome to Jerk Church. “You know these guys,” says Hanson, the pastor and founder. “They sit with their arms folded the whole time, leave during the altar call, criticize the pastor, snort when other people state their opinions and never create lasting bonds of friendship. Their wives are always really...

The video below is hilarious. My only criticism is that they move a little too fast to read some of the "translations." As I'm posting it the video has only 84 views. Can we make it go viral? Saul Alinsky was a brilliant tactician. Anyone who's read his Rules for Radicals has to recognize that his rules work. Some are immoral. (He believed the end justifies the means and would use just about any means to achieve his goals.) But without accepting the evil in his rule book, one can certainly borrow his morally neutral means. And humor is a...

Dear James , Because you are a valuable friend of Catholic Answers, you have been selected to participate in a survey to help us improve our apostolate. As a thank-you, we will be giving away 25 signed copies of Tim Staples’s newest book, Behold Your Mother. Combining the best recent scholarship with in-depth knowledge of Scripture, this book offers the most thorough Marian apologetics you’ll find anywhere. Give us your feedback by 11:59 p.m. on Sunday, March 8, 2015 and you will be entered to win one of 25 signed copies of Behold Your Mother! Click here to start the...

Frank the Hippie Pope and Bart the Patriarch Sing Love Songs

And while we've featured some reveals at the Funko booth for New York Toy Fair 2015 (Feb 14-17) including their new Vinyl Sugar-line, this particular slice of toy-news requires a post all on it's own. Pope Francis as vinyl collectibles! "This is where we get insane! Insanely holy! The People's Pope, Pope Francis is now a Pop! Asia vinyl figure, as well as the Holy-Shaker Bobble-Head, and finally a Collectormates Premium Figure...all from our friends at MINDstyle. This is official merchandise of Pope Francis's historic visit to the Philippines. A donation will be made for the universal charity work...

I was in Baton Rouge a few months ago and somebody from the Chamber of Commerce, upon my request, took me out to see evangelist Jimmy Swaggart's place, which is a four-iron from the plush new Country Club of Louisiana. You can't actually set foot on Jimmy's spread, of course. There are guards to keep you out, not to mention a wall around the estate that locals report cost $800,000 to build. I've seen bigger spreads than Swaggart's. I was at Peter the Great's palace outside Leningrad once. But Swaggart hasn't done badly to come in second to a czar.

I read about how a bunch a' Einsteins are trying to figger out the bible stuff about the three wise men. So I'mmunna straighten you all out, OK? So dis shooting star appears in da East. Of course, when ya say "Da East," you mean Joizzey. Evrybuddy knows a virgin in New Jersey is a miracle. No, for real: in Latin, New Jersey is "Nova Caesaria," or "City of the New Ceasar." Look it up. Ya got Bethlehem on one side, and the Empire on the other. So a shooting star is gonna mean someone in Seton Hall. Come on,...

An Image for the Church in a “Way-Cool” Christmas Gift By: Msgr. Charles PopeIf you’re looking for a last minute gift for someone (remember, Christmas goes on till Epiphany), consider the “Septem-Seater Tricycle.” Don’t worry that it costs  $20,000; you can charge it or put it on a payment plan! Yes, it is the seven-seat tricycle in the Hammacher Schlemmer Catalog. I suspect it is one of those corporate “team-building” items. A large corporation might be able to afford the hefty cost or even just rent it for corporate “retreats.” It would sure be fun to try it out.At any rate I...

For the most intolerant and extreme religion in the world, this is a rather embarrassing statistic. It appears that the Catholic Church, widely recognized as the most uncompromising and dogmatic among the world’s major religions, is about to close out the year without executing a single person. As everyone knows, the Catholic Church is a religion of strict doctrine, ruling every aspect of each individual Catholic’s life from the Vatican with an iron fist, while at the same time relentlessly imposing its beliefs on the rest of society. Yet for some reason the Catholic Church has had an abysmal year...

Christmas Isn’t Perfect – So Find Christ in Your Real Christmas By: Msgr. Charles PopeMost of us have a perfect Christmas in mind. Often it is the creation of Hallmark, Currier & Ives, and various marketers. But none of us will have a perfect Christmas, just a real one.The First Christmas wasn’t perfect either. In fact, the only way to describe it is to call it a crisis. Mary was pregnant before marriage, a very dangerous thing in those times. Just at the time of birth they were required to travel eighty miles on foot to Bethlehem. There was no...

St. Joseph's Christmas Mass Spectacular features Pastor Pat (Bobby Moynihan), organist Linda Tayhoe (Kate McKinnon) and all 44 verses of "O Come All Ye Faithful."

A humorous (if you understand Jewish ritual law--halacha) take on "the halacha" of Christmas trees-- Know that Jews have myriad laws governing daily life... For example, Chanukah candles must be kindles at a certain time, and last a certain duration...and oy vey what happens in a million after-the-fact cases where one did NOT meet the requirements, etc. All the funny quirky things you positively love about us Jews. What if they were transposed onto Christmas... the results might be something like this: (key: "Mitzvah" means commandment:) 1. PREPARATIONS FOR XMAS MUST NOT BEGIN(1) BEFORE THANKSGIVING.(2) THIS APPLIES TO PREPARATIONS WHICH...

Me and Bergoglia down by the Synod

Isn’t it extraordinary how something long in existence can be suddenly re-proposed as a brilliant new idea? Politicians and educators, hoping we have memory problems, often do this to fool us into thinking they are working hard to improve a situation. Another audacious example of this strategy was recently provided by the Holy See’s support of a proposal for a “United Religions”. The proposal came from former Israeli President and Nobel Peace Prize-winner Shimon Peres. At a private audience with Pope Francis this September 4th, Peres “proposed the founding of a United Religions organization — modelled after the United Nations...