Free Republic

Are you there, God? It's me, George W. Come in, Almighty. Do you read me? It's about 8:00 pm and it's just after my last bubble bath of the day and here I am again, kneeling here in the Oval Office all by myself in my most favoritest PJs, the funny ones with the little M-1 tanks and baseball players all over them. I gots some problems, Lord. Look, I've done everything you asked. I've been good. Haven't I? I take the message to the people, don't I? I spout that evangelical born-again crap in pisswater Podunk conservative churches across...

Just in time for your morning breakfast sausage, it's all-American rape and torture and rampant entirely condoned military sadism. Mmm, patriotism. The pictures are worth a thousand disgusted moans. It's all flag-draped coffins and dog chains and forced masturbation and pistol whippings and miserable bloody hooded Iraqi men -- not terrorists, just men -- with wires attached to their fingers and genitals and made to stand up for hours and days on end until their feet swell and their lungs collapse and their livers fail, and you can hear our stunned death-drunk nation cry: Hey, whatever happened to our nice,...

Can you hear the outcry? Can you feel the snippy puritanical heat? Can you feel John Ashcroft's hot, predatory breath bearing down on your life and your box of vibrators and your adult DVD collection and snatching away your copy of "Weapons of A-- Destruction #2" and smacking you across the face with a Bible, all before skipping off to the dungeon to feed the flying monkeys? Because while 9/11 and the process of gleefully decimating your civil liberties via the USA Patriot Act may have delayed him a few years, Ashcroft & Co. is back on the anti-porn warpath,...

Because what the world really needs now is more uptight little companies from Utah that will help us all block out the random messy naked blood n' guts of the world. Companies that will, without anyone asking them to, protect us from media evildoers and exposed flesh and scary exploding things and that part in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" wherein the universe is blessed, for the briefest of moments, with the joy of Kate Winslet's radiant nipples. This is what is happening. This is the happy godlike agenda of Utah's ClearPlay, a twee and shrill little corporation that...

Perhaps you, like so many across the planet, are more than a bit baffled by the runaway success of "The Passion of the Christ." Perhaps you, furthermore, are more than slightly disturbed that millions have flocked to this bizarre ultraviolent blood-drenched revisionist flick and that so many actually believe its story to be absolutely true, and that it just surpassed "The Return of the King" in total box office and is the No. 8 most successful film of all time and it was No. 1 again across BushCo's flyover states during Easter weekend and has sold 650,000 books and 125,000...

<p>Kneel down. Put your hands together. Offer thanks right this very moment to whatever deity you desire that that you are not 18 years old and gay and living in the state of Kansas right now.</p> <p>This gratitude, it is a given. This is so much of a given you might not even need to hear why. You just say to yourself, oh my freaking God, I can only imagine.</p>

<p>Here it comes again, another dumbly predictable, panicky little outcry from terrified parents' groups and petrified dads all aflutter over the recent sexed-up, "racy" Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, just in time to stuff your proverbial stocking.</p> <p>You know the one, that new A&F Christmas catalog that dared to go so far as to show actual young half-naked models laying around in half-naked splendor doing half-naked nothing much. Same as it ever was.</p>

<p>This Thanksgiving, as you sip the wine and hug the family and toast the friends and hoard the stuffing and curse the airport security, remember to give thanks you are not G.W. Bush. Hey, it's important.</p> <p>1) Be thankful that you do not have to suffer Dubya's massive crushing karmic burden, as wrought by inflicting heaps of environmental disaster and vicious unnecessary war and a stunning string of lies lies lies like a firehose of giblet gravy splattered all over the planet.</p>

For most people, deciding which bathroom to use in the Regenstein Library does not require mental gymnastics. But for some, a trip to the restroom is less simple, with gay, lesbian, and transgendered students worried about the implications of which bathrooms they enter. At the Center for Gender Studies on Wednesday night, a panel of four discussed the need for gender-neutral bathrooms on campus, specifically one in the Regenstein and one in Cobb Hall. Members of Feminist Majority, Queers & Associates, and the Center for Gender Studies organized the panel as part of the Coalition for a Queer Safe Campus....

<p>The gays are marching in. The end is near. Sheer unadulterated evil and scary anal sex and superlative hair products and new blasts of fresh happy love are to be unleashed anew upon the country. Horror is nigh. Everyone into the bunker.</p>

<p>Of course it's all just glittery New Age froufrou moonbeam crapola that don't mean nuthin'. Sure it is.</p> <p>Of course it's all just easily dismissible astrological hooey, just another big everyday lunar eclipse that just so happens to coincide with an incredibly rare and unusual and truly beautiful planetary configuration that, if you believe the signs, heralds a potentially enormous and profound spiritual awakening for humans (that's you) not seen since 1987's famous Harmonic Convergence, and not really even then.</p>

As columnist Charles Krauthammer recently observed: "The world is experiencing the worst resurgence of anti-Semitism in 50 years. Its main objective is the demonization and delegitimation of Israel, to the point that the idea of eradicating... the world's only Jewish state becomes respectable, indeed laudable. The psychological grounds for the final solution are being prepared." Party to this grim preparation is one Tony Judt, former Oxford don and now a history professor at New York University. Accomplished in the academy, where Israel is widely vilified, he has evidently, as a Jew, suffered discomfiting criticism among his colleagues - perhaps even...

<p>The good people of Rodeo -- who like animals as much as anyone else, especially for breakfast -- declared Tuesday that their precious heritage is worth more than $20,000 in veggie burgers.</p> <p>"They can keep their veggie burgers,'' said Doug Boyum. "I'm not going to sell out for a veggie burger. I'm not going to sell out, period.''</p>

<p>Did you hug a priest today? Run from a scary homosexual person? Coo over a copy of Bride's magazine? Fall on your knees and thank God Almighty that your child isn't yet gay or pagan or libertarian and if she is that's OK because it's nothing that regular lithium and electroshock therapy can't "cure"?</p>

<p>These are the things to corrupt young gullible minds and short-circuit self-expression and demean the desperately needed impulse toward spontaneous self-awareness and individuality and happy guiltless vaginal investigations.</p> <p>These are the things to make Mary-Kate and Ashley's alarming and utterly demonic stranglehold on the world of vacuous saccharine multimillion-dollar teendom seem like a boring day at the mall, with lots of makeup and tube tops and Hot Dog on a Stick.</p>

<p>Oh great, so here you are, two full years later.</p> <p>Two full years after the 9/11 maelstrom and two years during which the term "hero" has been molested and slapped around and "patriotism" has been smashed and reconfigured into some mutant shellacked Maria Shriver-like perma-saluting mannequin, a conservative plastic surgeon's wet dream, all fake smiles and bleached teeth and Botoxed worry lines and pumped-up, silicone-enhanced flag-waving bravado you no longer relate to in the slightest.</p>

<p>Do you feel the pulse? The surging urge for delicious politician-free change? That's right! It's recall time!</p> <p>Because this is your opening. This is your chance. Here is the insane inane circus of the California recall, and here is this huge gaping maw of political idiocy and infighting, and apparently they just really, really want you to know that all you really need is a million bucks and a million signatures and you too can change history to suit your whiny conservative whims. Ah, democracy.</p>

<p>Hey, remember that dramatic CNN footage of that big statue of Saddam Hussein being toppled by U.S. forces in that Baghdad square a few months back, during the "war"? Remember how powerfully symbolic it was supposed to be?</p> <p>Remember, later, seeing the wide-angle shot on the Internet, the one of all the U.S. tanks surrounding the square and the whole bogus setup of how they staged the event, complete with a big crane and some strong cable and strategically positioned "citizens" cheering their "liberation" as the statue fell, as just off camera, a handful of genuine Iraqis loitered nearby, looking confused and bored?</p>

      Several weeks ago, ChronWatch ran an item about Michael Ballou, a professor at Santa Rosa Junior College.  According to reports, the professor gave his students the assignment of doing a composition on ''Kill the President.''  The professor saw the item and sent ChronWatch an e-mail message suggesting that we visit his website to get his side of the story.  We have done so, and the story from the website is shown below for your convenience.  I leave it to the reader to judge the professor, his competence, his bias, and his assignment.        Note: I've got to tell you my fellow American Citizens,...

In pursuit of ethnic harmony Waukesha activists seek to end racism by 2006 By SCOTT WILLIAMSswilliams@journalsentinel.com Last Updated: July 30, 2003 Waukesha - Convinced that American racism played a role in the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Waukesha County activists are planning a major new effort to promote racial and ethnic harmony. Quotable We need to understand the world; we need to accept theworld. - Mary Baer,co-chairwoman of the Waukesha County Diversity Task Force The kickoff date: the second anniversary of the day of horror. A coalition that includes the YWCA of Waukesha, Waukesha School District and many other groups will...