Posted on 08/29/2017 9:37:20 AM PDT by fungoking
Edited on 08/29/2017 10:22:52 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
HOUSTON, TX—Although Joel Osteen took flak over the weekend for closing up his church to flood victims and all but disappearing during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the megachurch pastor reportedly returned to the city on his luxury yacht “S.S. Blessed” to make amends Tuesday by tossing copies of Your Best Life Now to stranded flood survivors.
Osteen had his on-call yacht captain steer the large vessel through the flooded streets of the city, pulling up to survivors stranded on their roofs and on the roof of their cars as the prosperity gospel preacher smiled, waved, and threw out signed editions of the bestselling positive thinking book.
“Believe and declare you are coming into a shift!” Osteen yelled through a bullhorn, according to reports. “God wants His best for you! Enlarge your vision, develop a healthy self image, and choose to be happy!”
“When you think positive, excellent thoughts, you will be propelled toward greatness!” he called out to one family floating on a raft on a freeway-turned-river, whose earthly possessions had been entirely destroyed the previous day.
Osteen also paused for brief photo ops with several families, the smiling pastor briefly allowing them to board his yacht as his professional photography team got shots of the pastor together with the sobbing, distraught flood victims, though the pastor was careful to not stand too close to the mud-caked refugees.
Sources confirmed that the pastor then had his assistants help the families back into their makeshift lifeboats or tree logs on which they were floating through the city.
The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.
“Believe and declare you are coming into a shift!” Osteen yelled through a bullhorn, according to reports. “God wants His best for you! Enlarge your vision, develop a healthy self image, and choose to be happy!”
“When you think positive, excellent thoughts, you will be propelled toward greatness!” he called out to one family floating on a raft on a freeway-turned-river, whose earthly possessions had been entirely destroyed the previous day.
> I thought “Send me a $1000 vow of faith” was Robert Tilton’s scam. <
Tilton made the error of not trademarking his famous phrase. So now, unfortunately for him, it’s in the public domain.
But, wait! If Pastor Tilton will send me a $1000 vow of faith, I might be able to convince the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to help him out.
“In general I find most humor pointed at Christian religion and churches...”
Thankfully, Osteen famously declined to state that he thinks belief in Jesus as saviour is necessary for salvation, so this post isn’t actually pointed at a Christian.
The general consensus of replies seems to be that the satire is warranted. And I have learned, once again, that by not watching TV for the most part, I haven’t missed much lately. :)
[[why are you concerned about his feelings?]]
Because i don’t liek injustice in anty form- Thel eft are not attackign him for any legit reason- they are simpl;y attackign him because he falls under the umbrella of ‘Christian’-
[[To quote Luther, “Preachers of heresy should be driven from the village and pelted with dung!]]
Not with false accusations they shouldn’t- other reasons,. yes- but not by bearing false witness against them
I only watch Perry Mason at 10:30 now but if you lived in Houston at one time you could not help but be aware of the Osteen’s. All the more if you temporarily lived with an old aunt who thrived on the elder Osteen before the younger Osteen eclipsed the elder in scams with his church of what’s happening now.
I like my preachers poor and humble.
This satire is actually a pretty good analogy of the JO Ministry.
The liberal queen Oprah and the Osteens are quite good friends.
But, by your own words, Osteen is not a Christian (I agree). Were you equally defensive of al-Mahdi’s feelings when he was identified as an islamic terrorist?
BTW, your use of the term “umbrella of ‘Christian’” voices the ancient heresy of agnosticism.
[[But, by your own words, Osteen is not a Christian (I agree).]]
My point is that hte TRUE Christian world takes a hit whenever the media attack ‘fundamentals’ whether they are true Christians or not-
[[BTW, your use of the term “umbrella of ‘Christian’” voices the ancient heresy of agnosticism.]]
see my above comment- I do not think Joel is a Christian and has no part i nthe fundamental realm- however, the PERCEPTION is that he is a fundamental, and as such TRUE fundamentals take a hit when people like him are unfairly accused and maligned
Don’t worry- I’m not claiming Joel is a true Christian- He obviously isn’t if you study what he actually preaches-
My whole point is that bearing false witness in order to malign anyone is not right- and is an injustice no matter who is on the receiving end- it is something that God is very serious about to doing- and the MSM has a lot to be worried about when God judges them for doing this to many- not just to joel or trump or whomever-
The most successful pastor the world has ever known was Paul. And what did he have to show for it? A prison cell and a cold rock to sleep on.
These modern day pastors and the fools that support them make me sick.
They should at least keep their mansions to less than 10,000 sq ft. /s
The Osteens have suffered under the most brutal Botox needles and cosmetic dental procedures.
And Vickie has endured countless painful liposuctions and the sharp blades to receive her most holy and blessed silicone implants.
Truly, they have suffered as much as the Apostles and perhaps even Christ himself.
The Babylon Bee is an EXCELLENT satire site. They frequently come up with some good stuff.
“Dave Ramsey Jumps Into Ring, Lectures Crowd For Spending Thousands On Tickets”
AMEN Never happen or even possible
Would make sense with his popularity as people strive to dance around professing some type of Christian spirituality while seeking to avoid acknowledging responsibility to Christ.
I thought the rules are now that satire has to be labeled as such?
> I like my preachers poor and humble. <
My grandfather used to say never trust a preacher who owns more than one suit.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.