Posted on 08/29/2017 9:37:20 AM PDT by fungoking
Edited on 08/29/2017 10:22:52 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
HOUSTON, TX—Although Joel Osteen took flak over the weekend for closing up his church to flood victims and all but disappearing during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the megachurch pastor reportedly returned to the city on his luxury yacht “S.S. Blessed” to make amends Tuesday by tossing copies of Your Best Life Now to stranded flood survivors.
Osteen had his on-call yacht captain steer the large vessel through the flooded streets of the city, pulling up to survivors stranded on their roofs and on the roof of their cars as the prosperity gospel preacher smiled, waved, and threw out signed editions of the bestselling positive thinking book.
“Believe and declare you are coming into a shift!” Osteen yelled through a bullhorn, according to reports. “God wants His best for you! Enlarge your vision, develop a healthy self image, and choose to be happy!”
“When you think positive, excellent thoughts, you will be propelled toward greatness!” he called out to one family floating on a raft on a freeway-turned-river, whose earthly possessions had been entirely destroyed the previous day.
Osteen also paused for brief photo ops with several families, the smiling pastor briefly allowing them to board his yacht as his professional photography team got shots of the pastor together with the sobbing, distraught flood victims, though the pastor was careful to not stand too close to the mud-caked refugees.
Sources confirmed that the pastor then had his assistants help the families back into their makeshift lifeboats or tree logs on which they were floating through the city.
The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.
Mine said that plus never trust anyone who parts their hair in the middle or wears a go to hell hat. Never did figure that last one out.
Step aside and let us drive, Bob. Virtue-signaling doesn’t work no more, no more.
Alinsky’s rules for radicals #5.: “There is no defense to ridicule.”
OK. Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swaggart and Joel Osteen got together to discuss financing the crucial business of spreading God’s word.
Joel took the bit in his teeth and said,
“Jimmy, after all your troubles, how do you determine how to divide tithes?”
Jimmy said, “Half goes to the, uh, poor and stuff, and, well, walking around money. Honestly I need at least half to make payroll and expenses.”
Joel turned to Oral: “How do you decide how much you need?”
Oral replied, “I put the love offerings into a bushel basket. Then I toss it all down some stairs.
“Anything that makes it to the bottom goes to my foundation, but I got bills ... “
Joel said, “Oh yeah, your Gone With the Wind staircase. Fair enough.
“Well guys, Miss Vickie and I use peach baskets. My sweetie and I toss all that filthy lucre up into the air. Whatever the Lord catches, He can keep.”
Is Joel Osteen a perfect man? Of course not, no man is. But has he saved more souls than his critics?
Of course it’s satire. He would be selling the books.
Is Joel Osteen a perfect man? Of course not, no man is. But has he saved more souls than his critics?
If JO saved them, they’re not saved.
Bold statement lacking proof, to say the least.
I think it is because the church is in Houston and they closed it even though people were trying to get in to save themselves from drowning. I THINK if anyone else in the position would have done the same, they would have gotten heck too. Of course MSM would have been mean but not nasty towards the others.
Is this helping the victims of Harvey? How about a food box, Joel? Or do you even know what that is?
Yes - you can tell by the absence of aft wake!
It is funny.
That was my point. The other poster talked about JO saving people. Salvation from the blood of Jesus; plus nothing, minus nothing.
Is Joel Osteen a perfect man? Of course not, no man is. But has he helped save more souls than his critics?
Happy now? Or just want to throw more stones from afar?
Could God use a man with such an unbibicial theology? Sure, God used Baalam’s ass to accomplish his purpose, he could use Osteen.
What makes it so funny is it comes so close to capturing truth, based on Osteen’s true marketing prowess, his mega wealth, mega villa and grounds and mega possessions, on wings of prayers to the little people, all the way to the bank on Monday. Book sales are Mega gravy.
I laughed anyway.
“I don’t know Joel Osteen or his church. Perhaps he is deserving of this ribbing, I don’t know. In general I find most humor pointed at Christian religion and churches to be in the same taste as leftist “humor” pointed at conservatives/Trump...this is in very poor taste, irreverent, and rarely actually funny.”
You’re confusing Joel Osteen with a real pastor or priest. The only thing this “Christian” cares about is his wallet. He’s Jim Jones without the KoolAid.
“....Creflo Dollar”
Osteen’s “brother from the other mother!”
Yes, it’s always funny to lie about people we don’t like.
Exodus 20:16.
End of discussion.
“Is Joel Osteen a perfect man?”
He perverts the gospel with his utterly un-biblical prosperity gospel.
I tried watching his service once and it was nothing more than pap. And the fact he refused to open his “church” to those in need tells me everything about him.
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