Posted on 10/09/2018 9:41:11 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
I sat in silence and bowed my head for the closing prayer as I had done nearly every Sunday for the past 21 years. This Sunday, however, I wanted to be at home, in tears, as I had found out the night before that I was pregnant. Thoughts were racing through my head of tragic visions of my future. I was 21, not married. I was once the "church girl." However, not one of those thoughts that were flooding my mind involved reaching out to my church. I'd seen the way that my church had treated my sister when she became pregnant at 16 years old. Why would I reach out to a group of people that showed more judgement than love?
Fast forward a couple years, my Sundays were no longer filled with worship songs or fellowship. My Sundays were now a hangover day, to recover from other choices I made. I justified my lifestyle, thinking that I did not have a child to take care of, so why not? My baby had become a statistic and so had I. I had an abortion the week after I sat in church, and my life took a very destructive turn.
Four out of 10 post-abortive women say they were regular church attendees at the time of their abortion, which should horrify the faith community. In a survey done by CareNet of 1,038 women who have had abortions, the fact that 70 percent claim a Christian religious preference, and 43 percent report attending church monthly or more at the time of an abortion — that is where the morality issue lies. In fact, 65% of those women felt that the personal shame and the judgmental nature of their church contributed to their decision to choose an abortion. Only 14% believed that their church community would be helpful if asked for support.
Church, we've dropped the ball. If the statistics are true, that one in five women will have an abortion by the time she is 30 years old, then it is likely the woman sitting in the pew next to you has been touched in some way by the devastation of abortion, believing that she can never know true grace and forgiveness.
Abortion was made a "political issue" because a few men decided their values would supersede everyone else's. And the devastation has been incalculable. True change needs to start within the walls of our churches, and then overflow to our communities.
Church, some of our girls are running through the doors of Planned Parenthood because they see the doors of the church as closed and condemning when it comes to unplanned pregnancies. Not only are they running through those doors, but the abortion advocates who welcome them and profit from them influence their values, their morals, and teach them to devalue the sacredness of human life. If more than 60 million lives have been lost since Roe v. Wade, that means 60 million men, women, and generations have been affected by the devastation of abortion and are sitting in our churches. It's time for a culture change.
For years I wore a badge of shame, a scarlet letter that was invisible to most. I did not wake up every day and put on my breastplate of righteousness or the helmet of salvation. I was clothed in grief and regret and walked with it in silence. I condemned myself as unworthy and unclean. Standing firm in the lie that God could never love me, and I was no longer holy enough to enter into His kingdom. Today, there are millions of women in our churches who are sitting there with the scarlet letter that I once wore. They are sitting in silence and believing they can never be made whole.
The statistics of what abortion does to the mental health of the mother are staggering. A 34% increase risk of anxiety, a 37% increase risk of depression. The risk of substance abuse increases by 110%. The psychological effects are so great that the risk of suicide increases by 155%. A study has shown that the suicide mortality rate was 3.1 times higher among women who aborted compared to those who delivered. Millions are sitting in our churches that are fighting these very statistics in silence every single day because they feel unworthy to speak up.
Sisters, you do not have to sit in silence anymore. You do not have to grieve and regret alone anymore. Pour out your heart to those that ARE ready and equipped to listen. Reach out to the churches who have post-abortive ministries and begin to know what forgiveness can do. Men, you are not alone. Your grief IS justified, your hurt IS okay, and there are groups for you too.
It is time to equip your church to stand for LIFE. It is time to teach congregations how to love the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy by creating a place of refuge. We need post-abortive ministry inside the church, and services for young mothers and families on the margins. We need loving and compassionate leaders that are ready and willing to face this topic head on and protect the most vulnerable in our society.
Stop staying silent so that you stay comfortable. Open your eyes to the greatest injustice this nation has seen.. We must begin the hard conversations, because the consequences of our silence is life and death.
"Abortion only comes to seem necessary when there's been a breakdown somewhere in the family. This breakdown, especially in the church, usually takes place in secret."2 In moments like being pressured to have an abortion, there is a relationship failure-and that is a tragedy. As women, we are relational, and those who have been pressured into abortion can't beat themselves up for being influenced by the people we love. It's hard for women, in that moment of being pressured on a profound issue, to separate from those she loves. I believe it has become the duty of the church to stand in the space where that failure took place, before it's too late.
______________________________________
Ally Bowlin is a pro-life speaker and writer. She is the National Programs Coordinator for Students for Life of America
Well, that was indisputably both one sided and incomplete.
If a girl chooses to screw around, she should use contraception. This gal had the benefit of an example in her own family, but didn’t learn from the experience of others.
Actions have consequences. She should accept responsibility for her actions, not blame others. Then, maybe, she can start to heal.
Sounds like one could say that sad mummy’s daughter failed the church. Mummy thinks the church is a therapy and social service?
Actions and consequences. Too bad your congregation didn’t wrap their arms around you and give you support and love. Your pregnancy and subsequent abortion are not about the church. So many believers indeed act like the Christ they follow.
There’s food for thought here. If a girl finds herself pregnant without a husband, it is a major life crisis for her.
Churches are not as closed as she makes them out to be. Most will do whatever is necessary to help the girl.
I am not sure of the author’s point.
Church is too judgmental? How do you preach against abortion otherwise?
Women ignore their Church upbringing? Does that mean churches too weak in their preaching?
Women have guilt because of abortions? Yes, that is understandable. Are Churches ignoring that and not helping?
She seems troubled and conflicted, which I understand. How exactly to help?
There are so many bastards, that it isn’t a stigma anymore. Heck, one of these bastards became the 44th President.
A few years ago, a friend of mine told me his fiancé was pregnant. He was planning to confess his sin at church on Sunday. His fiancé was afraid to go that day.
I told kid him that while I hadn’t been attending the church that long, my impression was that when he confessed, there would be a sharp intake of collective breath and within a minute, the women of the church was uldnsorrundnhis fiancé and give her a hug.
Sin happens. So does forgiveness.
We were aware of church girls who had abortions rather than be open about what they had done. Its not that the church is so judgmental, but rather that people would rather kill their baby than admit their mistake in public.
In some cases the girl’s father was a deacon or otherwise known in the church, which magnified the hypocrisy.
Churches are full of people who’ve made mistakes and brought it to the altar. And its full of people who hide their mistakes to preserve their reputation.
Two giant errors.
1. “Abortion was made a “political issue” because a few men decided their values would supersede everyone else’s”.
That is a erroneous and slanderous charge against the entire pro-life movement, that IT comes a mere “few men” making abortion an issue.
2. “Reach out to the churches who have post-abortive ministries and begin to know what forgiveness can do.”
No. We need within the Church outreach to the unwed mother, at any age, and no matter her family support, lacking or not, and not matter her family circumstances, including helping her through the pregancy, and possibly an adoption (within the church hopefully) if needed. THAT is what we need in the churches, so there will be no need for “post-abortive” ministries.
I fear too much of the author’s intent is really just to soften the stance against abortion, period.
Wow, spell check obviously failed.
Surrounded. The word is surrounded.
And that’s exactly what happened. It took a lot of bravery but she was there.
I know a woman in her 60’s that was a pregnant teen. It was very hard. She gave the baby up for adoption and thinks about his birthday every year.
It never even crossed her mind to end the baby’s life - in or out of the womb. What kind of person does that?
Abortion is caused by birth control. The mentality that uses it needs abortion to get out of the scary jam that conception puts into the safe-sex believer....safe-from-children failure. Like your church said....sex is for making baies. Anything else is unplanned. I will take the burden to help you but understand you put that burden on me by your safesex not-thinking. Don’t look down on me either. I’m trying to mot have sex out of wedlock....locked in matrimony.
Well no duh.
That is why in the church you are taught not to have sex when you are not married.
When you disregard that you are usually already heading out the door. It makes her feel better the whine about how her sister was "judged" and use that as an excuse.
But she had long before decided to attend the church of me where nothing is good if it keeps me from what I want and nothing is bad if it gives me a moment's pleasure.
Personal choice hon. And there was little to nothing anyone could have done to stop you.
What did the church do? Tell them to have the child and give it up for adoption?
“”I sat in silence and bowed my head for the closing prayer as I had done nearly every Sunday for the past 21 years””
After reading the whole thing, I had to keep coming back to the opening sentence. 21 years of sitting in a church pew isn’t going to fill anyone with the Holy Spirit. What did she take away from attending church for 21 years? It appears to be nothing so how is the church to blame? Unwanted pregnancy, abortion and then drinking to dull the pain?? Ok - No judgment but plenty of shaking of my head!
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