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Keyword: satire

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  • 1st Amendment Protects Harassment [semi-satire]

    10/01/2018 11:19:50 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    CNN host and legal expert Don Lemon chided Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex) for objecting to being harassed and threatened in public last week. Out for dinner at the DC restaurant Fiola, Cruz and his wife were accosted by activists from a group called Smash Racism. This group deems it their right to “disrupt the peace of right-wing scum.” Cruz and his wife temporarily left the restaurant and reentered later via the back door. Smash Racism has since added Fiola’s to their list of “right-wing scum,” warning the owner and his employees that “you are not safe.” Lemon contended that “this...
  • Dems Warn GOP on Kavanaugh Confirmation [semi-satire]

    09/30/2018 8:43:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, Brian Fallon, former press secretary on Hillary Clinton's 2016 presidential campaign, warned Republicans not to confirm Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the US Supreme Court, saying "they will pay dearly at the polls for putting a man accused of sexual assault in this high position." "It's not as if sexual perverts are underrepresented on the Court," Fallon asserted. "They already have Clarence Thomas—an accused dirty talker—to protect their interests in cases coming before that august body. Do we really need to add an accused groper?" Fallon pointed to the absence of proof of Kavanaugh's innocence, calling it "very telling...
  • Breaking (Wind): Soros websites find 10,000 more Kavanaugh victims, 6000 in Nigeria alone!(vanity)

    09/29/2018 12:00:09 PM PDT · by CardCarryingMember.VastRightWC · 16 replies
    My stressed-out Hippocampus ^ | 9/29/18 | vanity vanity all is vanity
    We demand that each of these new allegations, solicited online by a promise of $1 for each new claim of sexual victimization by Judge Kavanaugh, MUST be investigated by the FBI! If you don't agree, you obviously hate women.
  • Taxes Cost More than Food & Clothing [semi-satire]

    09/29/2018 11:23:05 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Bureau of Labor Statistic's data on consumer expenditures for 2017 reveal that the average non-welfare-dependent family had to pay more in taxes ($16,749) than they did for food and clothing combined ($9,562). The 2017 tax burden was down from 2016's $17,153. Reactions to this data split along partisan lines. The Trump Administration lamented the continuing high tax burden, but took some encouragement from the decline from 2016 to 2017. Trump's top economic adviser, Larry Kudlow acknowledged that "reducing the tax burden is an essential step in the President's effort to revitalize the US economy. It's a shame that the government...
  • New Immigration Standard Called "Unfair" [semi-satire]

    09/28/2018 5:55:37 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    The Trump Administration's new standard requiring immigrants seeking permanent residence to demonstrate they will not become welfare-dependent was assailed by top Democrats as "fundamentally unfair." The new rule would require that would-be new residents have the demonstrated ability to earn an income greater than 250% of the poverty level. Over the last five years more than 70% of immigrants from Latin America fell short of this standard. In contrast, more than 70% of immigrants from Asia met the standard. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) charged that "it is the height of selfishness for a rich country like America to...
  • satire - Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces

    09/28/2018 2:38:57 PM PDT · by Sub-Driver · 33 replies
    Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces September 28th, 2018 WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency, overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones. 3.97% voted that Senate members be replaced by screaming goats. "About 100 people" voted for the current Senators to keep their jobs, with this...
  • Gov't Orders Opposition Leader to Undergo Psych Examination [semi-satire]

    09/26/2018 10:18:14 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    The French government has ordered Marine Le Pen, leader of the right wing National Front Party to undergo a psychiatric examination "to determine whether she must be confined to a mental institution for her own well-being." The proximate inspiration for this coercive order is Le Pen's opposition to the continued importation of Islamic fanatics into France. "This drastic move was made necessary by the earlier failure of massive fines imposed after Le Pen posted photos of ISIS terrorists massacring unbelievers on the Internet," Macron explained. "In France we respect the rights of individuals to freely practice their religion. The tenets...
  • More Evidence Of Wrongdoing By Brett Kavanaugh (Satire Vanity)

    09/25/2018 1:27:04 PM PDT · by MplsSteve · 15 replies
    9/25/18 | MplsSteve
    It has recently come to my attention (via some really well-placed and plugged in sources in DC) that there is new info that could derail the Kavanaugh nomination. The following has been determined to be 100% correct and factual. 1. In college, Kavanaugh did not entirely read a book for an English class. Instead, he purchased the Cliff's Notes version. He cuts corners in order to advance his education and eventually further his radical agenda. 2. On at least three occasions, Kavanaugh was spotted going thru an express lane at a local grocery store with more than 15 items. This...
  • Planned Parenthood Defends Using Tax Dollars on Campaign [semi-satire]

    09/25/2018 10:42:14 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Planned Parenthood Votes is focusing its political campaign expenditures on two dozen House races in hopes of aiding Democrats to retake the majority and ensure future federal disbursements to the organization. Deirdre Schifeling, executive director, defended the heavily government-subsidized organization’s partisan political spending. “The survival of Planned Parenthood is at stake,” Schifeling contended. “Federal funding is the life’s blood we depend on to keep going in our mission to ensure that every woman who wants an abortion can get one whether she can afford it or not. But it’s not only the funding, we also need friends in Congress who...
  • Gore Says Trump Should Be Terminated for Ethical Reasons [semi-satire]

    09/24/2018 4:18:35 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Former Vice-President Al Gore advanced the notion that "Trump's Presidency should be terminated early for ethical reasons. Science has shown that climate change is the biggest threat the planet has ever seen. Not only do we see Trump denying this threat. His policies are exacerbating the threat." "The big economic boom that Trump is so proud of is a planetary disaster," the former Veep contended. "More people working and more consumerism are accelerating the march to global catastrophe. After the eight years of hard work by the Obama Administration to throttle expectations it is disheartening to see that undone. The...
  • Avenatti Bombshell: Claims he has Photos to Support New Allegations Against Kavanaugh (SATIRE)

    09/23/2018 6:04:37 PM PDT · by Alberta's Child · 18 replies
    Self | 9/23/2018 | Alberta's Child
    High-profile celebrity attorney Michael Avenatti emerged on Sunday evening and demanded to have a witness testify to the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee before they vote on Brett Kavanaugh's nomination to the Supreme Court. He claims he has compelling evidence of sexual allegations against Kavanaugh. He claims he can name Kavanaugh's long-time sexual partner, and even presented photos to support his allegation that this relationship involved not one, but TWO pregnancies.
  • New Videos Expose Government Subversion [semi-satire]

    09/23/2018 10:14:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    <p>This week, a new series of Project Veritas undercover videos was released. The videos show federal employees boasting that they are engaging in efforts to overthrow capitalism from within.</p> <p>In one of the videos, Stuart Karaffa, a Management and Program Analyst with the Bureau of Overseas Buildings Operations within the Department of State, told the Veritas investigative reporter “our goal is to resist everything, to F*ck sh*t up at every level.” Karaffa bragged, “I spend most of my workday on Democratic Socialist activity. I compose all my emails during the day, but I carefully wait until after 5:30 pm to send them. That way I can argue that my political activity is done on my own time. Maybe I’ll get caught, but it’s impossible to fire federal employees.”</p>
  • Rosenstein Blasts Times’ ‘Smear’ [semi-satire]

    09/22/2018 1:08:03 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, a New York Times story about a scheme in which Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein would wear a “wire” to secretly record President Trump and recruit cabinet members to activate Trump’s removal from office under the provisions of the 25th Amendment was blasted as “inaccurate” and “factually incorrect” by Rosenstein. “It is shameful that a respected newspaper would rely on anonymous sources to defame me,” Rosenstein complained. “After all I have done to help the Times over the years acquire difficult to obtain information on sensitive topics from internal government archives, I can only regard this as a...
  • Dems Claim GOP Request for Evidence from Accuser "Unfair" [semi-satire]

    09/21/2018 11:55:31 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Christine Blasey Ford, the college professor who has accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of groping her at a drunken party in somebody's house near a park sometime in the early 1980s when both were high school students, has been resisting Republican requests for her to testify at the Senate Judiciary Committee. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) insists that "the Republican demand that it is the accuser's responsibility to tell her story to them is an attempt to silence her. Christine has already done her part to put the ball in play with her accusation. It is now Kavanaugh's job to...
  • Disappearing Beto O'Rourke Campaign Signs Mystery Solved (Satire)

    09/19/2018 6:55:40 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 12 replies
    9/19/18 | RetiredTexasVet
    The mystery of the disappearing Beto O'Rourke campaign signs has been solved by the Texas Rangers. Numerous citizens of Travis County, Texas have been complaining that their Beto (Dem candidate for senator) campaign signs have been disappearing. The citizens must pay the county Democratic organization $10 each for replacement signs (with proceeds going to the Beto campaign fund). Although requested, the Austin police and Travis County sheriff departments have refused to investigate. The Republican county chair requested the Texas AG instruct the Texas Rangers to investigate because they were being blamed for the thefts. Texas Ranger Straight was assigned and...
  • Text Messages Prove Strzok a Liar [semi-satire]

    09/18/2018 10:38:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Newly released text messages between former FBI anti-Trump conspirators Peter Strzok and Lisa Page show that Strzok’s claim that “the media leak strategy” text revealed last week “was to discuss ways of preventing leaks” is false. In this week’s batch of newly discovered texts, Strzok wrote Page to tell her that “the Times is angry with us for giving the Washington Post the scoop on the leak about Carter Page and the FISA warrant.” Strzok’s admission that he leaked classified information to the Washington Post would seem to invalidate Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein’s excuse for refusing to turn over...
  • Carter Weighing 2020 Presidential Run [semi-satire]

    09/17/2018 2:00:28 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Distressed by what he called the “human rights disaster perpetrated by President Trump,” former President Jimmy Carter said “I may have to come out of retirement to save the nation from his reelection.” “My main grievance is the blatant inequality Trump is willing to foist on this country,” Carter complained. “When I was president the entire country suffered through a malaise, but we did it together as one united people. The prosperity Trump is forcing on the country has shattered this unity and encouraged individuals to compete to get ahead. I don’t believe this is what Americans truly want. Otherwise...
  • Dems Object to Federal Pay Freeze [semi-satire]

    09/17/2018 10:59:10 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Democrats in Congress are calling for legislation to reinstate a pay increase that President Trump canceled by executive order. Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md) labeled Trump’s pay freeze “an indefensible attack on the hard-working government employees who keep the country going.” The reasoning behind the federal pay freeze is that government workers already earn far more for comparable work than their private sector counterparts. According data from Bureau of Economic Analysis, annual wages for federal government employees is nearly $89,000 vs. $59,000 for similar jobs in the private sector. When fringe benefits are counted, the gap widens to $127,000 vs. $71,000....
  • Socialist Leaders Clarify: ‘We Only Want Socialism For Everyone Else’-SATIRE?

    09/17/2018 10:47:37 AM PDT · by fungoking · 2 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 9/17/18 | Staff
    U.S.—Many people seem confused by socialist leaders, who are often well-off, amassing wealth and luxuries for themselves while complaining about the excesses of capitalism, but those socialists have clarified that they never intended socialism for themselves, just for everyone else. “I’m doing pretty well for myself and don’t need socialism,” Bernie Sanders, who is a member of the one percent and owns multiple houses, explained. “Other people aren’t doing so well, and we should redistribute their wealth amongst each other, but I’m fine as I am.” This was reiterated by multi-millionaire Jim Carrey. While the salary he gets paid could...
  • Trump Worse than bin Laden [semi-satire]

    09/16/2018 9:41:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough asserted that “President Trump is a far graver threat to America than the 9/11 attacks. The terrorists only killed a few thousand people, but Trump has poisoned the minds of tens of millions of voters.” “There is no way that al Qaida could’ve hoped to seize control of the US, but seizing control of the US is precisely what Trump, with the aid of 60 million co-conspirators, has done,” Scarborough contended. “This is a sizable enemy within that is in the process of undermining all the progress toward socialism achieved during the Obama Administration.” “We...