Posted on 11/27/2010 10:36:14 AM PST by John Semmens
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Nipplitaliano declared the Transportation Security Administration’s “pat downs” to be a “great success” and requested a budget increase to extend them to other venues.
“Planes aren’t the only attractive targets for terrorists,” Nipplitaliano pointed out. “Trains and buses also offer a large number of potential victims. Then there’s sporting events and shopping malls. If we’re going to be thorough we need to screen in many more places.”
The Secretary rejected complaints about the intrusiveness of the searches as “overwrought. Any woman who’s undergone a pelvic exam has had to put up with a greater invasion of her person than she normally would under our screening system. A pat here. A poke there. It just takes a minute. Just grin and bear it.”
Nipplitaliano also dismissed fears that aversion to the screening could lead to unwelcome consequences. “Look, traveling, shopping, going to a ball game—all are voluntary activities,” she said. “If travel is reduced, that will save energy and lessen pollution. You can shop via the Internet if you don’t want to be probed at the mall. And most big time sporting events can be watched on TV at home. Would it really be so bad if more people stayed home more often? It seems like that would be safer all around.”
(Excerpt) Read more at azconserv1.wordpress.com ...
“Homeland Security Asks for Broader Screening Powers”
Bend over and spread ‘em.
Yes, I know it’s satire.
Let’s see, the gubmint has already taken over the auto industry basically, if people decide to stop flying, and the airline industry gets into even DEEPER economic straits—will the gubmint ‘bailout’ those airlines the gubmint caused to be in those economic straits?!?!
It boggles the mind.
Is it really satire if she’s probably going to push for this in the future?
John... while your Satire is supreme.. maybe you should take some time off.
With this REGIME... it’s too hard to tell where Reality ENDS and the SATIRE begins.
great job as usual.
It’ll create jobs and protect people.Let’s try to look at the bright side and not lose focus on the bigger picture.
The only standard where “pat downs” are a “great success” is turning moderates into folks who will vote for Republicans.
Janetalia Incompetano
jack u didnt get the pun hun?lol
I see you snagged a bunch more suckers with this post. I guess PT Barnum was right.
Janetalia Incompetano ... PERFECT!
Oh, man! Good thing I checked on the satire of this. It did seem all too real.
Think of how many more people the TSA will have to hire to pat down and scan people at train and bus stations, malls, grocery stores, sports competitions (little league on up), Walmart and Target, churches and synagogues (but not mosques), and anywhere else large numbers of people congregate. The unions will be pushing for this since TSA agents can now unionize.
:::::::::::
Bingo! And of course, we have to take medical payment support away from doctors who help Medicare patients to pay for this Marxist crap.
Another great one Sir John!
Semmens is usually great, but the number of Freepers fooled by his satire is depressing. They even missed "Nipplitaliano."
After reading it several times, going away from it, and then coming back and reading it again now I understand!
But I think she’s nekkid, not naked.
“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on ... and you’re up to somethin!”
-Lewis Grizzard
http://theantiorangepage.com/pages/27
LOL. Ya Dork!
thanks again. Can’t wait to see who got snared.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Totally! LOL
>>IMA GOING NAKED NOW WHAT?<<
Think “Papillon...”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.