Posted on 02/07/2014 6:01:37 AM PST by Lucky9teen
"The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise." –Jay Leno
"The Olympics start Friday and Russia's implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. The government will monitor every email. They will monitor every social media message and they will listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are now comparing Russia to the United States. That's how bad it is." –Jay Leno
"Today, the Olympic torch arrived in Sochi. But Vladimir Putin immediately put it out because he thought it was too flaming." –Conan O'Brien
"In their hotel at the Sochi Olympics, the Canadian hockey team has to squeeze three players to a room. Even the bobsledders are like, 'Isn't it a little cramped?' When you scare off all the gay people, interior design goes to hell." –Jimmy Kimmel
"In advance of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, the Russian government announced that, contrary to popular belief, people in Russia will be allowed to protest. But only in a special protest zone – known as 'Siberia.'" –Jay Leno
"On Friday, Russian President Vladimir Putin said gay people at the Olympics should not fear for their safety despite the country's anti-gay laws. He said they should fear for their safety because they're in Russia." –Jimmy Fallon
"The mayor of Sochi in Russia where they're having the Olympics says there are no gay people in Sochi. Well, we can't expect too much from the opening ceremonies then. Who will be working on the choreography?" –Jay Leno
"The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch." –David Letterman
"Tomorrow marks the one-month countdown to the Winter Olympics in Russia. Vladimir Putin said, 'Athletes, you got one month left to train –— and gay athletes, one month left to stop being gay.'" –Conan O'Brien
"The Winter Olympics are around the corner. President Vladimir Putin says people will be allowed to protest the Winter Olympics as long as they stay in a designated protesting zone. When they asked where the zone is located Putin said, 'Poland.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"So the winter Olympics are right around the corner, and this is cool - the U.S. Olympic team just announced that its new uniforms are all made in America, after last year's uniforms were criticized for being made in China. Which got awkward when they realized the "Made in America" tags were actually made in China." –Jimmy Fallon
"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien
"Germany just unveiled its rainbow-colored Olympic uniforms, which seem to be a subtle protest against Russia's anti-gay laws. You can tell how much the world has changed when Germans are the ones who are saying, 'Discrimination is just wrong.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Cher has turned down an invitation to sing at the 2014 Olympics in Russia because of Russia's anti-gay laws. Their anti-gay laws are so strict, men can be arrested just for showing up at a Cher concert." –Jay Leno
"Russia also has the Winter Olympics, and that’s a big mess too because, you know, Russia is really, really anti-gay. You know this? Seriously, they said would arrest any Olympic athletes for “promoting” homosexuality. In a related story, figure skating has been canceled." –Bill Maher
"A Russian official announced that gay athletes attending the 2014 Olympics there will be arrested. This is good news for the world's three straight male figure skaters. Just show up, get a medal, you're done. No competition. " –Conan O'Brien
"Russia has announced that, for the 2014 Olympics, it will send the Olympic torch up to the International Space Station. They’ve also announced a new Olympic Event – 'Watching Six Astronauts Have All Their Oxygen Used Up By a Burning Torch.'" Conan O'Brien
Top ten? IBTP?
My day is now complete.
Top Ten!
Good Morning!
In after the ping and Top 10!!
Top 10 and IBTP?
Dad’s Will
A man was telling his buddy, “You won’t believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said,
‘Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.
Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.’”
“Holy Smokes,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”
“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that, she actually said... ‘Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Hillary’s election campaign!’”
TGIF! top 5!?!?
10!
Thanks for making my Fridays!
cheers,
Jim
Top 10?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Thanks
TGIF
Silly Surfin’ Bird http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T21LX9V3teA
Top 20....maybe.
Happy Friday everyone.
eye cn rade ti......
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
"Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand and said, "Wedding Cake."
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
