Posted on 12/30/2005 5:24:52 AM PST by PJ-Comix
Talk about Reality Challenged DUmmies! First William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt posts this Reality Challenged THREAD titled, "Going Too Far (or, my conversation with the Bush supporter at the bar)" in which he was MIRACULOUSLY able to reproduce in word-for-word detail a long conversation he had with Ty, whom Pitt described as a Bush supporter who, under the guidance of the All-Wise and erudite Pitt, was able to see the error of his ways. Maybe I am far inferior to the incredible Pitt intellect but, sans tape recorder, I would be hard pressed to reproduce in quotes a long conversation I had even a few minutes earlier, much less from a least a day before as Pitt indicated. Even some DUmmies cast aspersions on Pitt's claim of being able to reproduce his conversation in all its fine detail. Then late last night, Pitt posted a reality challenged (fictional) account of what transpired between us in this DUmmie THREAD titled, in Pittian style, "In the shadow of staggering assholes." Pied Piper Pitt's fictional fantasies are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, about to correct the fictional record, is in the [brackets]:
In the shadow of staggering assholes
[Still talking about your failed September rally, eh Pitt?]
FOR THE RECORD: I say "Some DUer" in the post below because he introduced himself on the phone with a DU screen name. I will not repeat it; I don't know if this person is a banned former member or what, but regardless, I am not going to make Captain Ass any more famous. Don't ask who it was, either in this thread or via PM. I will not say. Sufficed to say, the following did happen, and the person was a present or former DUer.
[Congratulations for getting to the fiction RIGHT AWAY. FOR THE RECORD: I am not now nor have I ever been a DUmmie. And "DUmmie FUnnies" which is how I introduced myself, is a DUmmie screen name?]
Y'all maybe saw the essay I put up here yesterday, about my conversation with the bouncer at my bar:
["Y'all." Isn't that the type of terminology you ascribe to unenlightened Bush supporters in stark contrast to your own erudite commentary?]
http://www.truthout.org/docs_2005/122905A.shtml
["Truthout." Appropriate name.]
Well, some folks in the thread I put up on this doubted that it was true. That's fine. I laid a challenge on the table: Ten thousand dollars says anyone can come to Boston, meet this guy, and hear from him that what I wrote was true. If I lied, I pay. If I spoke true, they pay. Strangely, no one took me up on it. Go figure.
[Why go to the trouble of hopping a flight to Boston? Making a phone call is a bit easier.]
Well.
[Will.]
Today, apparently, some DUer who doesn't much like me decided to go a different route. I didn't name the bar I go to in the piece, but this DUer knew which one it was. That means, probably, that he came to Boston for the DNC and I took him into the bosom of my hospitality, brought him to my bar, bought him beers, etc.
[LOL! The fictional assumptions in that paragraph are astounding. First of all, I have never even been to Boston ever plus, I assure you I am not now nor have I ever been in the DNC. As to the "bosom of your hospitality..." Sorry, I don't swing that way.]
This DUer called Ty AT WORK to pester him about the substance of the essay. Demanded to read the essay to him on the phone, so he could ask if the quotes were accurate. Demanded and demanded and demanded, as if he had a right to f*ck with this guy at work.
[Actually, inspired by YOUR challenge, I called a couple of Boston establishments asking if a Ty or someone from New Orleans worked there. Two to be exact. Both told me no Ty worked there. End of conversation. Oh, and I checked my cell phone log and the total elapsed time of the call to the bar where Ty did work act was exactly 36 seconds. Hardly time to Demand and demand and demand. An account of those phone calls was posted on this Free Republic THREAD at Reply #72 right after they happened.]
Ever have a random stranger call you at work?
[Yes. And I always enjoy the break from the routine it affords me. Of course, I never actually talked to Ty when I made those first two calls.]
Add to that the rules of this place of work: Personal calls are for emergency use only. So my boy winds up getting talked to by his two bosses because this DUer called and pushed, and pushed, and pushed, to talk to Ty.
[I asked if Ty or someone from New Orleans worked there. When told no, I hung up. Total elapsed phone time according to my cell phone log was 36 seconds. "Pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and pushed?" Perhaps in your fictional alternate reality, Pitt.]
Why?
[Why write such astounding fiction? Continue...]
Because this DUer fancies himself a writer in his own right. But rather than carve out a place for himself the hard way like I did through hard work, dilligence, truth-telling and the development of sources over ten years, this DUer wanted to take a shortcut. He called Ty to try to get him to say I lied in my story.
[Actually Ty called ME back later as I recounted immediately afterward in my Reply #111 in this Free Republic THREAD. He had NOT heard about your piece about him and was curious for me to read it to him. He even waited until I booted up my computer. Since the connection was bad, Ty told me he would call back later on a landline so he could hear the rest of the piece. Oh, and that part about "truth telling" by Pitt gave me a chuckle.]
In other words, this DUer tried to crawl up over my back, tried to get immediately famous by "exposing" me. That way, he could write about it and make a splash.
[You've already been exposed MANY times in your own words here on the DUmmie FUnnies, Pitt. My fave was the bit about a fascistic "Third American Empire" and how rampant fanatical nationalism was born the day the USA won the 1980 Olympic Hockey Game against the Soviet Union.]
Too bad for him, though, that the story was true. Ty had his number from the earlier call, and I called this asshat back, and handed the phone to Ty. Ty said, "Every word Will wrote was truth. He quoted me exactly. I don't need motherf*ckers calling me at work. F*ck off."
[WRONG AGAIN, Baked Bean Breath! You called me back and told me Ty was standing next to you when I asked if he was there. Then you REFUSED to let me read to Ty word for word your own piece. Get your fictional narrative straight, Pitt. Oh, and here is the account at Reply #129 at this FR THREAD immediately after you called me. Five minutes later (according to phone log) I called you back and Ty in that timeframe had somehow miraculously read that piece at the bar which sparked my skeptical antenna. An account of this posted immediately afterwards in my Reply #143 on this FR THREAD.]
Now here's the funny part.
[DUmmie threads are ALWAYS FUnnie.]
I got back on the phone with this poor excuse for a poop, and he tries to grill me on ANSWER, tries to grill me on impeachment, tries to pry a story out of his failed attempt to f*ck with my friend. After I finished yelling at him, he said, "Well, I have a lot of good material now." It was pathetic.
[Not as pathetic as your claim that even though you admitted that PDA worked with A.N.S.W.E.R. to organize the September Rally, you yourself NEVER EVER had any dealings with ANYBODY from A.N.S.W.E.R.. Yes, you were hermetically sealed and remained virgin pure. Oh, and you claimed that you never read the leftist Daily Kos piece declaring the September rally to have been an embarrassing flop. More fiction, Pitt?]
But not as pathetic as when he said, "So, will you do a podcast for me?"
[That was in FIVE MINUTES later (according to cell phone log) when I called you back. Yes, I am planning a DUFU Podcast and to make it interesting I want guests who are either not into politics are have loony leftwing views like you, Pitt. Invitation still open. I'll even allow you to read your fiction on the Podcast.]
I told him to f*ck himself. Loudly, colorfully, offering both directions and a map.
[No directions and map did you give but you did curse colorfully. I'll give you that, Pitt.]
Morals:
1. I don't lie in my essays;
[I BEEEEELEEEEVEEEE!!! I BEEEEELEEEEEVE that Pied Piper Pitt has the astounding ability to accurately quote long detailed conversations WORD FOR WORD days after they take place without the use of a tape recorder. I BEEEEEELEEEEEEVE!!!]
2. If you have questions, I am not hard to find;
[Why go to you for a source? Just from this post you are proving yourself to be a fiction spinner.]
3. Don't f*ck with my friends;
[Maybe you shouldn't PUBLICLY post private "conversations" with friends and then offer a money bounty on its veracity.]
4. Don't try to crawl over my back to make yourself famous. Put the work in;
[DUmmie FUnnies already has the BIGGEST Ping List on the FR. However, I do give you credit for the wealth of comedic material you have provided the DUFUs in the past, Pitt.]
5. Ty wants to eat this guy's liver; he genuienly wants to do violence to this person, so f*cking with Ty is a bad idea;
[Maybe Ty will eat YOUR liver when he actually gets around to reading how you portrayed him plus that public bounty offer you made, Pitt.]
6. Don't beg for a podcast after making an asshole out of yourself.
[I think it was more "ask" than "beg." Strange thing is that Publicity Hound Pitt, after initially rejecting the idea, then started to seem open to it. Offer still stands, Pitt.]
Final moral: We are all in this together, but some think this is all a big paycheck. This guy wanted to do damage to me in order to better his own pathetic state of affairs, and had no hesitation to f*ck with a friend of mine he had never met in order to do so.
[I'm not so sure he will be a friend of yours after he reads what you wrote about him. That plus your public bounty offer.]
In other words, some pigs think they are more equal than others.
[Try actually reading "Animal Farm," Pitt. It's anti-communist theme might even seep thru your thick skull.]
Anyway, this was my night. Fun, eh?
[Fiction, eh?]
Anyone who thinks being well-known (for me, even minorly well-known) is a good thing needs a beating. I can't write a personal essay without the people involved getting messed with.
[Maybe you shouldn't publicly offer bounties to defend your dubious veracity, Pitt. In any event, if your account of your original conversation with Ty is as accurate as the fiction you spun here, no wonder folks are casting doubt on it. However, thanx mucho for that chuckle about me being in the DNC!]
Frankly, I really didn't concern myself too much as I was reading as to whether Ty was real or not. I don't really see what that had to do with the point of your article. Even if he were a fiction, it didn't really affect the specific points, info or theme of the post. But I also didn't see any reason to doubt it. [snip]
It does seem a strange reaction, though. "Oh, I'm going to get Will Pitt!" I, myself, have never found anything anywhere in any of your writing even remotely dubious.
[Maybe you DID make it up, but I STILL BEEEELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!]
You mean benburch?
Forgive the disgusting imagery, but wouldn't that be Captain Fist?
You know, he could have just as easily said, "my conversation with the bouncer at a/the bar." He could have even said, "at a/the bar I frequent." But Pitt consistently refers to it as "my" bar. Of course, as the most famous and important patron of this establishment, Pitt feels entitled to call it that.
I call it:
t r u t h o u t t h e w i n d o w . o r g
[Will.]
Wall.
Most leftists can't convince anybody because they start screaming and namecalling, especially when their poorly contrived, house of cards paradigms are shattered by reality.
Perhaps he denies contact with ANSWER because he knows that organization by it's real name: CANSWER.
I'm sure he has several syndromes that are detailed in the DSM.
"That means, probably," that someone simply used an Internet search engine and found places where, in your endless blatherings about yourself, you happened to mention the name(s) of "your" bar(s).
But your delusional scenario, Will, is hilarious! You, Will Pitt, as Jesus, with your disciples leaning upon your breast, reclining at table. And "this DUer" as the Judas who then went out and betrayed you.
Oh man, this person needs help.
Oh, right, I know the one: "Stand Up Next to a Bouncer."
PLEASE, NOBODY post that photo of Pitt taking a guy-DUmmie into the bosom of his hospitality!
Maybe if the DUmmies didn't have such a horrible track record of lying about converting Republicans to Democrats during the election, we wouldn't think they are all full of crap.
this has probably been answered already, but check your bill.
with my phone bill, i get a summary of the minutes used. but i can get the "detailed" bill, which will show numbers, time of the calls, and the total time spent on that call.
After YOU, PITT, laid down a $10,000 challenge for people to check up on the substance of your story! You even wanted people to ask Ty AT WORK!
This new change-of-tune ranks up there with your flip-flop on Andy's illness--well, with ALL your many recantations! So you know what THAT means, don't you? It's time to play . . .
SELF-RECANTED EVENING
Tune: "Some Enchanted Evening"
Self-recanted evening,
When you see the flip-flops,
You may see where Pitt stops
Across the DUmmieland.
And somehow you know,
You know even then,
That sometime you'll see him
Recant once again.
Self-aggrandized weaving,
Bloviating windbag,
Going where the wind blows,
Not knowing where to stand.
He'll write to the left--
That's left to go right--
Will's so busy dancing,
He can't sleep at night.
Who can explain Pitt?
Who can tell you why?
Will gives two versions,
Neither one can fly.
Some fantastic FReeping!
Someone may be laughing,
You may hear the laughing
Among the DUFU fans.
And night after night,
When we go to bed,
That sound is our laughter--
Will Pitt's in our thread!
Once we have DUFUed
Will Pitt's swing and miss,
Then he'll discover
He can't recant this!
Good gravy, why does Pitt continue to bother us with the details of his sex life? (And BTW, why is the Midnight Cowboy barfly throwing the word "staggering" around? I'm sure he staggers home most nights, and has the political opinions he does as a result of alcohol-induced brain damage.
FOR THE RECORD: I say "Some DUer" in the post below because he introduced himself on the phone with a DU screen name. I will not repeat it; I don't know if this person is a banned former member or what, but regardless, I am not going to make Captain Ass any more famous.
ROTFLMBO!! Oh man, he still has no freakin' idea who you are, or is desperate to keep the DUmmies from finding out, while still using you as a whipping boy. A guy who drinks as much as him should never try such a balancing act.
Y'all maybe saw the essay I put up here yesterday, about my conversation with the bouncer at my bar:
Oh, you mean that bouncer who you portrayed as a drooling, worshipful moron? Oh, sorry, make that the HUGE bouncer you portrayed as a drooling, worshipful moron?
Well, some folks in the thread I put up on this doubted that it was true.
Well, there are some things that not even DUers are dumb enough to believe.
That's fine. I laid a challenge on the table: Ten thousand dollars says anyone can come to Boston, meet this guy, and hear from him that what I wrote was true.
My advice to anyone who takes this challenge: Expect to be paid in Chuck E. Cheese tokens.
If I lied, I pay. If I spoke true, they pay. Strangely, no one took me up on it. Go figure.
Sure, plenty of DUmmies have 10 grand sitting around that they can risk on some stupid internet bet. And a nice honest Friend of Andy would never, ever run a con on them, right, Pitt? You've probably already got the money spent in your head on new Midnight Cowboy outfits and bulk purchases of KY and Smirnoff.
Today, apparently, some DUer who doesn't much like me decided to go a different route. I didn't name the bar I go to in the piece, but this DUer knew which one it was. That means, probably, that he came to Boston for the DNC and I took him into the bosom of my hospitality, brought him to my bar, bought him beers, etc.
Wait a minute, Pitt has a bosom? I thought he was flamingly gay, not a transexual. Actually, here I am not sure if I should be wondering "Could Pitt be any dumber" or "Could Pitt think the DU crowd is any dumber?" Decisions, decisions...
This DUer called Ty AT WORK to pester him about the substance of the essay.
"I put up ten grand as an incentive for somebody to do something, and they actually did it! How dare they!" Now we know why Pitt is a liberal, he has a "two plus two equals negative twenty-six" level understanding of economics.
Demanded to read the essay to him on the phone, so he could ask if the quotes were accurate.
Yeah, I can just hear PJ now..."Listen, punk, you're gonna stay on this phone while I read you this novel, and you're gonna like it! I pity the fool who don't help me win Pitt's money!"
Demanded and demanded and demanded, as if he had a right to f*ck with this guy at work.
A flaming homosexual who enjoys Midnight Cowboy-wear is talking about "F@#$ing with a guy at work." Wow. That is just to darn easy.
Ever have a random stranger call you at work?
No, I don't swing that way. Oh wait, you weren't talking about gay hookups? Well, yeah, I've had random strangers call me at work. I sure wouldn't be afraid of it, especially if I were a hulking bouncer in a city thousands of miles away from the caller. Are you saying Ty is a wuss, Pitt?
Add to that the rules of this place of work: Personal calls are for emergency use only.
A blogger busting a fellow blogger for lying is not making a "personal call," especially when the call will alert the victim of the lying to slander ditrected at his person by a known Communist enemy of the United States.
So my boy winds up getting talked to by his two bosses because this DUer called and pushed, and pushed, and pushed, to talk to Ty.
Ty's "your boy?" Wow, I'm sure he feels honored beyond his wildest dreams.
Why?
Beecause the way you become an ace is by never passing up a chance at an easy target.
Because this DUer fancies himself a writer in his own right. But rather than carve out a place for himself the hard way like I did through hard work, dilligence, truth-telling and the development of sources over ten years,
Truth-telling? Yeah, sure, and the Dems will win a 70% majority in Congress next year because BouncyBall has converted milions of conservatives in to looney leftists by jumping out of the bushes and throwing lib platitudes at them. As for the rest...yeah Pitt, you're a real one-man Woodward & Bernstein.
this DUer wanted to take a shortcut. He called Ty to try to get him to say I lied in my story.
Yeah, I can hear that mean ol' PJ now: "You WILL say Pitt lied, maggot! Or I will come through the phone and rip out your eyeballs! FEAR ME, YOU PUKE!!!"
In other words, this DUer tried to crawl up over my back,
Is that what you sodomites are calling that these days? Huh.
tried to get immediately famous by "exposing" me. That way, he could write about it and make a splash.
I can see the headline now: "William Rivers Pitt exposed as liar. Millions ask, 'Who the #$%^ is William Rivers Pitt?'" Yeah, that's a real path to fame and glory there.
Too bad for him, though, that the story was true.
"Ty is indeed a mouth-breathing idiot of Cletus the slack-jawed yokel proportion. He is so dumb, he believed me when I told him about the magic tape recorder that lives in my cowboy hat."
Ty had his number from the earlier call, and I called this asshat back, and handed the phone to Ty.
Funny how much that account differs from PJ's...
Ty said, "Every word Will wrote was truth. He quoted me exactly. I don't need motherf*ckers calling me at work. F*ck off."
You forgot the part where he said that the calls upset his wife Brandeen, you arrogant bag of crap.
I got back on the phone with this poor excuse for a poop, and he tries to grill me on ANSWER, tries to grill me on impeachment, tries to pry a story out of his failed attempt to f*ck with my friend.
I'm sure that you have also had many failed attempts to #$%^ with Ty. "Hey big fella, come on back to my place and I'll show you my invisible sign that says, 'Gvie Will Pitt some monkey-lovin'!"
After I finished yelling at him, he said, "Well, I have a lot of good material now." It was pathetic.
Wait, are we talking about PJ, or about your failed attempts to convert Ty to The Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name? I lost track.
But not as pathetic as when he said, "So, will you do a podcast for me?"
ROTFLMBO!! C'mon, you didn't really do that, did you PJ?
I told him to f*ck himself. Loudly, colorfully, offering both directions and a map.
"I was able to do this because I am an expert in self-gratification."
Morals:
...are woefully absent on DU in general and in Pitt's case in particular. Do go on.
I don't lie in my essays;
Well, I and my girlfriend Morgan Fairchild agree wholeheartedly with you. Now, come on down and buy an Isuzu; the 2006 models get 352 miles per gallon.
If you have questions, I am not hard to find;
Translation: "So, if I lie about somebody on the Internet, especially a person I make look stupid, and especially a person who could pound me into jelly, make sure you talk to me, and I'll confirm the quotes for you. You can trust me! And for cryin' out loud, if I offer you $10,000 to do something, that doesn't mean I want you to do it!"
Don't f*ck with my friends;
"That's my job. You know, the invisinble sign thing. You can have the women, though."
Don't try to crawl over my back to make yourself famous.
[Comment about the type of back-related action Pitt prefers have been censored by the mods.]
Put the work in;
[More censoring required.]
Ty wants to eat this guy's liver; he genuienly wants to do violence to this person, so f*cking with Ty is a bad idea;
Pitt has gone from "Ty is too stupid to understand the news without my help" to "Ty is a hyper-irritable caveman who goes to hatred and violence the moment a conservative inconveniences him with facts." Well, if I didn't know the original essay was a pants-igniting lie, I would figure this change meant that Pitt really did convert Ty to liberalism.
[Maybe Ty will eat YOUR liver when he actually gets around to reading how you portrayed him plus that public bounty offer you made, Pitt.]
Yeah, Pitt still wants us to believe this Ty guy is the dumbest human on Earth: "Pitt put $10,000 on table, but it not Pitt's fault me have to talk to bad man. It bad man's fault. Me like Pitt, but Pitt needs to get his hand off Ty's butt now. Pitt making me feel all weird inside."
Final moral: We are all in this together, but some think this is all a big paycheck. This guy wanted to do damage to me in order to better his own pathetic state of affairs, and had no hesitation to f*ck with a friend of mine he had never met in order to do so.
Must...not...make...obvious...cruising...joke....
In other words, some pigs think they are more equal than others.
Some little piggies might figure that when you put up a $10,000 dollar bounty, that means it's OK for them to do the work to get it. "Here's the challenge, take it. ...What? HOW DARE YOU TAKE THIS CHALLENGE?????"
Anyone who thinks being well-known (for me, even minorly well-known) is a good thing needs a beating.
Aw, poor baby.
I can't write a personal essay without the people involved getting messed with.
"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! I dared people to expose me and they made a couple of phone calls! It's like being a Jew in Nazi Germany! I'm so persecuted! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Hey, next time try telling the truth, try to not portray large conservatives as cavemen who get the gift of fire from the Almighty Pitt, and maybe try not discussing folks on the net without their permission in the first place, much less doing it and THEN DARING PEOPLE TO FIND THE GUY!" Oh, and one last piece of advice: make sure your health insurance is paid up. Unless Ty is even dumber than you've portrayed and he can't figure out how to use the Internet, he is going to figure this out and you are going to need an emergency room visit.
Hey, wait a minute...Pitt portrays himself as Prometheus, and he delivers fire to the caveman Ty...and now we're talking about eating livers. Hey Pitt, you should have read all the way through the story, you end up chained to a rock with an eagle eating your liver every day. Yum!
Deluded and deluded and deluded.
Hilarious.
Sorry, Pitt. We never actually met before. I've never been to Boston...ever. Never dealt with you. Oh, and I've fortunately never been taken to your warm bosom as you claimed earlier. (Thank God!)
What I think is really a hoot is that he is either totally under the delusion that another DUmmie is the culprit (and he will continue to persecute that person as best he can) or he has some idea who you are and this is more sleight of hand for the DUmmies. "Go ahead and be enraged at my evil conservitard persecutor, er, I mean my evil DU persecutor, but whatever you do, don't try to find out who it is! Pay no attention to the conservitard behind the curtain!"
A quick google of "Dead Authors Club" and "Boston" gives you the name of the bar, phone # & address. Wow, it took real detective work to figure that one out.
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