DUmmie FUnnies 08-08-08 (DUmmies React To John Edwards Scandal Admission)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | August 8, 2008 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

The first thing I thought of when I heard about John Edwards admitting that he was shtooping the Hunter chick was how my pet DUmmie ants would react. The moment I came home, I took a look at my DUmmie Ant Farm to watch them form the circular mill over this scandal. So let us all take a look inside the DUmmie Ant Farm at this THREAD titled, "Edwards Admits Sexual Affair; Lied as Presidential Candidate." As usual the DUmmie ant rantings are in scandalous Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, still laughing over Edwards "admission" that he was 99% truthful," is in the [brackets]:

Edwards Admits Sexual Affair; Lied as Presidential Candidate. In ABC News Interview, Edwards Says He Cheated, but Did Not Father Child

[Yeah, Edwards spent hours until the early AM visiting Andrew Young's daughter at the Beverly Hilton.]

John Edwards repeatedly lied during his Presidential campaign about an extramarital affair with a novice filmmaker, the former Senator admitted to ABC News today.

[GASP! Edwards LIED? Who woulda thunk it?]

In an interview for broadcast tonight on Nightline, Edwards told ABC News correspondent Bob Woodruff he did have an affair with 44-year old Rielle Hunter, but said that he did not love her.

[We feel so much better now knowing that it was strictly for gratuitous sex.]

Edwards also denied he was the father of Hunter's baby girl, Frances Quinn, although the one-time Democratic Presidential candidate said he has not taken a paternity test.

[Edwards needs to take the MAURY POVICH HOME PATERNITY TEST.]

Edwards said he knew he was not the father based on timing of the baby's birth on February 27, 2008. He said his affair ended too soon for him to have been the father.

[So Andrew Young got sloppy seconds? And now to laugh at the DUmmie reaction to the fall of their icon...]

I have no respect for anyone who cheats on their spouse. There are NO excuses as far as I'm concerned. It's called Divorce. It's that simple. And the fact that his wife is extremely ill, well that just goes to show what kind of person he REALLY is.

[A Bill Clinton!]

Well there goes any plans for Edwards as AG going after the media companies...

[Will he still be able to buy a PlayStation3 on the sly at Walmart?]

God, what is it about married men who can't keep it in their pants? F*ck them.

[Ben Burch did.]

The Penis will always get you in to trouble

[Is that you, Bill Clinton?]

Pisses me off. Poor Elizabeth. He's dead to me.

[But, hey, he was still "99% honest."]

What about their two little ones? How do you explain this to them??? Why don't men think of that when they unzip?

[Three little ones. Actually four little ones after Edwards unzips.]

That's the problem. All that blood in the penis makes them unable to think.,

[Every guy who ever picked up a bar hag at 4 AM is nodding his head in agreement with you.]

I am too angry to express myself civilly, but let it suffice to say he is dog dung to me. He is without a heart or a conscience. Jesus. I bought his lie hook line and sinker. Imagine what Elizabeth is going through - along with her other battles. A pox upon you, John Edwards, and your little weenie, too!

[Please don't use silly juvenile words for that body part. The proper scientific term is "talleywhacker."]

Yes every woman that is dying or fighting a major illness loves it when her husband screws somebody else. Happened to a friend of mine and it almost killed her. What a bastard.

[John Edwards is just $10 away from being rehabilitated.]

Hubby said this morning that he could imagine how a guy would stray with an ill wife for a long time. I think that clinches it for me. I've always suspected him of cheating while I was confined to bed from 17-36 weeks with risk of losing the baby. Damn him. Now instead of being 75% sure, I'd put it at 95% sure. Damn men and their penises.

[LOL! So the Edwards affair also outed your hubby.]

The idea that Barack would even think about cheating on Michelle is so ridiculous and unbelievable that I cannot even imagine it!

[Is that you, Scarlett Johansen?]

He just ruined his political career. The person I had originally hoped would be the next President just committed political suicide.

[Perhaps Will Pitt can now become his press secretary.]

THE KID IS HIS too. He is trying to slide out of that

[Sliding into that is what caused the kid in the first place.]

Goodbye John Edwards. You are now dead weight in political circles. You are trash, total pure unadulturated trash. You're a liar and an ass. Your wife is battling cancer and you're out banging other women? You loser, F*CKING LOSER. Why didn't you just surf to a porn web site and spank the monkey really quick and rush back to your wife's side? America does NOT NEED YOU. Go away and goodbye.

[The Edwards 2012 campaign is looking forward to your contribution.]

It also looks like money was involved, he has a wife with cancer and a baby born to this woman may have been his. How much worse can it get?

[If it turns out that his other mistress was Ben Burch.]

He is a lot of things, but great isn't one. He's a pussy, a liar, a whimp, a prick. He was no leader...he was the slick talking used car salesman they warned us about. ... total fraud. The quicker he can be jettisoned out of the public limelight the quicker we can move forward.

[Why do you hate Bill Clinton so much?]

AAAAAAAAARGH! Someone quick, I'm in need of an intervention. Doctor, please up my meds!

[Stand by! Your lithium overdose is on the way!]

Hey John can I have the $100.00 back now?

[You'll get it right after Bev Harris sends you your $10 back.]

[Paul Heinzman]

I don't want to bring your DUFU down, but I'd like to ask Mr. John Edwards some questions. I doubt he's a lurker or a DUFU pingee, and I think these things called "Open Letters" are silly because why would a VIP read something from a nobody like me but here goes.

Dear John,

I made fun of your $400 haircuts and Pink Sapphire facials. It was all in good fun because real men don't usually do that sort of thing; for a real man ten bucks for a haircut is pretty steep and facial means something different to us. But being a real man is something more that that superficial crap.

What really makes a man a man is strength. Not physical or mental strength but moral strength. For those of us who live in the "other America" and don't want your Socialist help, it is the strength to get up in the morning and drive to work and drive home to our families and do that again and again and again.

For some of us, we come home to a wife who is exhausted, nauseated, devastated from having poison pumped into her veins to kill this vile disease. A wife so selfless that she's worried more about how YOU feel and how the KIDS feel than how SHE feels.

All right, answer me these questions:

When Elizabeth would get dressed in the morning and gasp for air afterwards, did that affect you?

Has hearing Elizabeth's gasping for air made you cry, just thinking about it?

When Elizabeth cried and said she had so much to tell her children but so little time, did that affect you?

Have you met Elizabeth's oncology nurses and see them as the angels that they are?

You don't have to answer those questions. If you ever did any one of them, you never would have cheated on her, you [I'm going to just type roughly the same number of letters that the trail of obscene epithets I want to throw at John Edwards. It's quite a lot. This is not just adultery; this is undue stress on Elizabeth, a cancer patient. This is a lot of letters; I don't think there are enough swear words in the English language to cover all these letter. We're going to need other languages for all the nasty names.]

[Incorrigible]

LOL!!! By George dead, you’ve done it again!

[PJ-Comix]

[JerseyDvl]

No Bill, there is a room full of people here that just did the same and also concur that they understand why you did. Schadenfreude my friend, DUmmies exist for us to laugh at.
Thanks PJ, this is a classic.

[Paul Heinzman]

She looks kinda cute in that pic. Silky Pony looks fabulous, as always.

[Purrcival]

My heart aches for Elizabeth, even though we agree about almost nothing. It’s hard for me to laugh at this, but it is interesting to see their reaction to their fallen hero.
There’s a pattern here. They’re finally seeing the Clintons the way we’ve seen them for 16 years, and now John Edwards...

[Purrcival]

OK, I give up. You got me, you made me laugh!

[Purrcival]

Oh, no...that is just wrong. :)

[Purrcival]

She looks just a little bit like Rexella Van Impe in that picture.

[Mr. Silverback]

Why didn’t any of these DUmmies say this stuff about Bill Clinton? I know DU didn’t exist then, but you know what I mean.

[Mr. Silverback]

Roscoe, you’re an FR treasure.

[Darkwolf377]

"Damn men and their penises."

They should just make this the new Democrat party motto.

[Mr. Silverback]

I wish Elizabeth would sue his candy ass into the "other America," but I suppose she's too nice for that.

If I were her, it's not how I'd want to spend my last few months.

[Mr. Silverback]

Dang, how does it not occur to them that they were saying that exact stuff about Edwards just a couple of months ago?

[libs_kma]

"Jesus. I bought his lie hook line and sinker."

A DUmmie believed the silky pony? Now there's a shocker.

[Mr. Silverback]

Excellent post.

[rdl6989]

AAAAAAAAARGH! Someone quick, I'm in need of an intervention. Doctor, please up my meds!

There's so much material there.

[beckysueb]

Great post, Paul!

[beckysueb]

Now if they would just wake up and see Obama for what he is.

[Arrowhead1952]

He just ruined his political career. The person I had originally hoped would be the next President just committed political suicide.

[Perhaps Will Pitt can now become his press secretary.]

Hey now. Didn't all you DUmmies say "It's only sex when X-42, the bent one, did the same thing?" He didn't commit political sucide, DUmmies all the world over praised him.