Posted on 05/12/2009 6:00:53 AM PDT by PJ-Comix
It is May 12. Pied Piper Pitt Day! Let the bells ring out in joy! Gather up your family for the celebrations! Today we honor the man who on May 12, 2006, just 24 business hours ago, broke the big journalistic scoop that Karl Rove had already been indicted.
It was shortly after this revelation and arrest of Rove that William Rivers Pitt became the toast of the journalism world. He quickly left Truthout behind to become a regular guest on MSNBC and a respected pundit published far and wide. He could often be spotted in Peter Luger's steakhouse holding court in his new role as an unofficial member of President Obama's cabinet. Oh, hello Mr. Treasury Secretary. Yes, I would be happy to discuss the effects of tax increases on the economy with you when I find the time. Ah, Bob Shrum! My punditry partner in crime. We must get together sometime soon. Perhaps a joint appearance on Hardball. Yes, yes. I do have a new book deal. Simon & Shuster. I can't say the what the advance amount is except that it is in the high 6 figures.
Yes, life is good for Will ever since he broke the scoop that has become known as "Fitzmas." A respected member of the journalism community known far and wide. The road ahead appears to be covered with roses and...
OH GOD!!! What has happened? Why am I now living out a horrible nightmare? How often do I dream of that alternate universe that looked so inevitable just 3 short years ago! A dream now lost! Why? Why? WHY???
Scorned. Humiliated. And, above all, MOCKED! How did I come to this sad fate?
Oh Dear God in Whom I Don't Believe! Why do you hate me so? Would it have been so hard to have tossed me the Karl Rove indictment? It was all but a done deal. David Shuster practically guaranteed that indictment. Was this some sort of sick cosmic joke on your part?
How did I fall into that indictment scoop trap? Hardly an hour goes by when I don't yearn to go back in time and warn myself. WARNING! WARNING! DANGER WILL RIVERS!!! Do NOT listen to that obvious scam artist; the fraud known as Jason Leopold!
Yes, Jason. You and I will have some serious words when next we meet. Words? Hell! I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR DAMN EYEBALLS!!! RIP OUT YOUR TONGUE AND THEN STOMP ON IT!!! How dare you! How dare you ruin the career of a budding journalist with greatness just around the corner!!! YOU LOUSY LOWLIFE HUSTLER!!! YOU RUINED ME!!!!!
But as mad as I am at the degenerate Leopold, I am even angrier at myself. Why couldn't I have spotted all the many signs that screamed "fraudster" that were staring me in the face? The Washington Post already had an ARTICLE identifying Leopold as a sleazebag liar, cheat, and backstabbing drug addict. What the hell else did I need to see the danger ahead? Instead, I placed my entire future in a Jason Leopold blind trust. Why? Because of that alluring brass ring. Just one inevitable scoop that I could have pretended to break and the world would have been my oyster. IDIOT!!! Yeah, that's what I scream at myself many times a day when I bash my head against the wall in a primal scream of rage: IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!!!
Okay, I feel better now...NOT! Instead of that alternate universe that should have been that was denied me by a God in whom I don't believe, I am now condemned to spend the rest of my days living out hell on earth. And the worst of it is the mockery from that Evil Beaver of the Site that Shall Not Be Named.
So are you proud of me, Mumsy? Your little Sonny Boy has really upheld the long distinguished line of Pitts. William Pitt the Elder. William Pitt the Younger. And now William Pitt the Blunder.
I can try to forget the pain. Oh, how I try. Binges at Bukowski's. Buying drinks for all around so they can be my friends. Sucking down three packs of cigarettes a day and holding the toxic nicotine fumes in my lungs for as long as possible. But it doesn't work. At the end of it all. In the early pre-dawn hours when under the blankets when I cannot sleep, there are the bitter tears. The salt burning into my cheeks like hot acid reminding me of what could have been. What SHOULD have been, DAMMIT!!!
So have a happy Pied Piper Pitt Day, folks! Enjoy yourselves. And if a certain Jason Leopold should show up at your celebrations, tell him that Will doesn't really hold a grudge against him any longer... To HELL with that!!! STOMP HIS UGLY FACE INTO THE GROUND!!! Give him the PAIN that he has given me! SHOW HIM NO MERCY!!!
Oh, and Merry Fitzmas!
PING!
woo-hoo 3
Happy Tuesday!
Merry Fitzmas, PJ!
You’re a bit early...
Pitt Day is today plus 24 business hours!
w00t! Top 10!
Yay, Yay, the twelfth of May. Freudenschade started today!!!
Did Will Rivers Spit really appear on MSNBC? Really or just in his dreams?
He really did...in the alternate universe. ALL would have been possible IF ONLY Karl Rove had been frogwalked across the White House lawn.
From the WAPO Link: Oh, and by the way, Leopold says he engaged in "lying, cheating and backstabbing," is a former cocaine addict, served time for grand larceny, repeatedly tried to kill himself and has battled mental illness his whole life.
YIKES!
Forget the Coke, the poor guy's has been mentally ill his whole life. Maybe we should cut him some slack. My mom always said it wasn't nice to make fun of the handicapped.
Oh hell ... sorry mom.
Leopold is Cuckoo
.................... 
The FUnniest thing of all it that with all that info about Leopold’s mental instability and fraud out there, that Pitt placed his entire future into Leopold’s hands. LOL!!!
Top 20! Booyah!
Happy Fitzmas, Bud. Is TruthOut still in business? Are Will & Leopold still associated with it? I’m asking as I really don’t want to search/visit that site. And I know you have a stronger constitution for such swill than I do...
Happy P3 Day. It appears that P3 has a Twitter account/page if you are interested. I don’t have the link, but it’s available at the DUmp if you look up P3. When I first looked at it, the first thing that I saw he wrote was the announcement of a certain beer on tap at Bukowski’s.....
Do we sprinkle glitter on a dog turd as part of the celebration? :-)
Merry Fitzmas to all!
I know. I know. I've been a follower of his on Twitter for several days now. Oh, and I have already sent him at article. Just put @ before his twitter name and send. Hee! Hee!
Excellent. I think I’ll send him a Merry Fitzmas card....
Ah, happy day, Fitzmas.
Considering that Wee Willie Pitt is *always* drunk as a skunk, he probably didn't notice that Leopold was is certifiably NUTZ :-)
Reading about Leopold's life time mental illness problem, for some reason he just reminded me of the Brad Pitt character in '12 Monkeys'
As a slurring Pitt was dragged out of sight;
He cried Merry Fitzmas to all,
and to all a bar fight
TruthOut is still around but because of the Fitzmas Fraud, Google removed their posts from their news section. Pitt and the Fashion Editor still associated with Truthout. Leopold long gone. Would love to be there if the journalistic team of Leopold & Lib ever accidentally meet again. A fireworks show.
Merry Fitzmas, Frank!
Marc Ash the Fash photographer.
I remember the name, but forget his connection with Fitzmas, or was it just his connection to Leopold/TruthOut? Whatever...
Jason Leopold sold the Pied Piper on what he already wanted to believe. More than likely Leopold also got a nice chunk of Pitt's trust fund cash to do "investigations." For Pitt it was like an investment in his new future as a famous journalist that was guaranteed by Jason Leopold.
I wonder if he also got Momma to contribute? Hasn't some online discord been noted between the two, and could that be the source? Frank may have some knowledge on this...
Marc Ash is publisher of Truthout. He is sort of like the Marcus Aemilius Lepidus of Fitzmas triumvirate.
Mumsy wants the Pied Piper to finally do some real WORK. He acted as a gofer at the Mumsy family law firm outlet in San Francisco but he found that too rough. Then he taught school in Newton and is currently waiting for the statute of limitations to expire. Currently doing NOTHING except for his nightly Bukowski’s run.
Regarding the Newton connection, how long until that pedo stuff becomes irrelevant?
*snicker!*
Thank you, good sir!
We've got this Fitzmas celebration going on over in my digs, too. Link on my next comment, below.
And in case anyone's not up on the Fitzmas story, links to all of P-J Comix's most excellent Fitzmas threads are posted there, too. That link's in one of my comments, I forget which, but it leads to a treasure trove of Fitzmas presents.
Damn it is that time of year again, I forgot to buy a PPPD Card. :)
THE NIGHT BEFORE FITZMAS
‘Twas the night before Fitzmas, when all through the house
Not a FReeper was typing or using their mouse.
Their essays were stored in a file they called “Pitt”
In hopes that the contest would show off their wit.
The authors had wrestled all week to write bad,
While versions of Willie’s prose ran off their pad.
And PJ in his perch there atop DUFU Towers
Had just settled his blogs for a few business hours.
When up on the DUFUs there arose such a ruckus,
I sprang from my deep snooze to see what the fuss was.
Away to “My Comments” I flew bada-bing!
Went straight to a Pitt thread to check out the ping.
The mood of delight at a new-written post
Was not what amazed or surprised me the most.
For what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a wee little DUmmie who was holding a beer!
With a bald head, an earring—I’ve got to admit,
I knew in a moment it must be Will Pitt!
More vapid an English I never had heard,
With sentence on sentence and word upon word.
“Now deader! Now duller! Now wordy and prolix!
On pompous! On pond’rous! Impress PJ-Comix!
Till the end of the page! Till a volume you fill!
Now write away! Write away! Write it like Will!”
He spoke not much more, which was so unlike Pitt;
He usually rambles and piles up his spit.
We wondered the cause of this newfound restraint—
Oh, not that we’re angry or making complaint!
Was there something amiss? What’s the worst that we feared?
But we heard Pitt exclaim, ere he soon disappeared:
“I’ve got to get back—a new essay to write!
I just heard that Fitz . . . is about to indict!”
Now that’s the very best. Beautiful!
Am I still within 24 business hours of Fitzmas?
Happy Fitzmas, Peej! I love this time of year. Whatever else, we have Joe Biden to keep us warm...
But the indictment will come through any minute now....
The interstellar Leopold Probe sends back an image of the northern hemisphere of the Planet Pitt from far across the galaxy.
Spacey: The final frontier.
Was that taken with the Humbled Telescope?
Rove to celebrate 4th anniversary of TRUTHOUT indictment tomorrow
[You DUmmie, it's only the THIRD anniversary! Although to Pitt it must feel like four.]
How will you celebrate?
[Champagne! Freudenschade, baby! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!]
I will go around saying Merry Fitzmas all day long.
[And singing this song . . .
IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE FITZMAS
Tune: "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"
It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Never will arrive
We've been waiting since who knows when
We've missed it once again
So wake me when it's twenty twenty-five.
It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Won't include a Rove
'Cause it looks like his name's been shoved
To the very back burner of
The indictment stove.
A pair of federal counts with long prison amounts
Is the wish of goodboy and ben
Crowds that will gawk as he does a perp walk
Is the hope of Will Pitt and friends
The DUmmie Ants would love the chance to send Rove to the pen!
It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Never will appear
Now the crew at the courthouse door
Is looking kind of bored
'Cause they've been there since earlier this year.
It's beginning to look a lot like Fitzmas
Comes in fits and starts
But the funniest thing of all
Are the hopes that rise and fall
In the DUmmies' hearts!]
but....but....
[Hee! Hee!]
OK I will wait 24 business hours, but no longer, then I will celebrate Fitzmas.
[You can sing this while you wait . . .
THE TWENTY-FOUR (BUSINESS) HOURS OF FITZMAS
Tune: "The Twelve Days of Christmas"
On the twenty-fourth hour of Fitzmas
My truthout gave to me:
Twenty-four bonus hours
Twenty-three bogus sources
Twenty-two sealed indictments
Twenty-one new excitements
Twenty Leopolds leaping
Nineteen FReepers freeping
Eighteen crowded dockets
Seventeen Sonny Crocketts
Sixteen corks a-popping
Fifteen-hour meeting
Fourteen Freudenschades
Thirteen Pipers piping
Twelve DUmmies griping
Eleven Roves a-packing
Ten dollars lacking
Nine shots at Skinner
Eight crows for dinner
Seven crews amassing
Six days a-passing
Five LOUSY TROLLS!
Four Patton Boggs
Three fresh blogs
Two marching frogs
And a Pitt ribbed in a parody!]
I shall wait an additional 24 business hours to celebrate.
[A lot of people, though, are starting lose patience . . .
INDICT FITZMAS
Tune: "White Christmas"
I'm fixing to indict Fitzmas
Just 'cause it never seems to show.
With the networks massing
And hours passing,
I hear crickets chirping no.
I'm fixing to indict Fitzmas
With every angry post I write.
May our frogs start marching tonight,
Because all these Fitzmases aren't right!]
Did you check your sources?
[Sources? We don't need no stinkin' sources!]
How did we celebrate today?
[Jason Leopold was too down to celebrate . . .
BLUE FITZMAS
Tune: "Blue Christmas"
I'll have a blue Fitzmas without news
I've got those Blew It Bigtime Truthout Blues
No indictments were read on that day back in May
Don't be dismayed, friends, it's just a slight delay
And when those cruel DUmmies start tauntin'
That's when those blue mem'ries start hauntin'
All DU may delight, with their critics so bright
But I'll have a blue, blue Fitzmas
I'll have a blue Fitzmas, that's no sh*t
When I could use backup, there's no Pitt
Former readers can turn and go on the attack
Don't look for help, though, if Will Pitt's got your back
And when those cruel DUmmies start tauntin'
That's when those blue mem'ries start hauntin'
All DU may delight, with their critics so bright
But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Fitzmas]
I celebrated with a shot of Rye.
[Pitt's drama on Rye.]
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