Reverend Al Gore's Funny Poetry

Western Hero ^ | 7 december 2009 | foutsc

[foutsc]

Al Gore:  Inventor of the internet; Nobel Laureate; Snorting, surly failed presidential candidate; angry, unhinged raving ranter, environmental pied piper.  And now, poet???

Al Gore has written a poem.  I'm not joking.  Vanity Fair is gushing over it.  Here are the funniest parts (I won't bore you with the whole thing; I want some readership left after this post):

One thin September soon

A floating continent disappears

In midnight sun

Vapors rise as

Fever settles on an acid sea

Neptune's bones dissolve

The shepherd cries

The hour of choosing has arrived

Here are your tools

Reverend Al has inspired me.  Here is my version:

One thin November soon

a global flim flam disappears

in public humiliation

Vapors rise, fevers burn

in the fetid, pestilent clot

of Gaia worshiping simpletons

The libtard cries

The hour of unmasking has arrived

the worshipers are tools

Vanity Fair

[onedoug]

What a moroon.

[Walrus]

Oh, Al, I weep at the simple beauty of your earth symbiosis.

BWA-hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah!!!

[Rapscallion]

Al Gore is the Elmer Gantry of the environmental religion.

[paterfamilias]

Go to the link...the comments are hilarious

[samtheman]

Such a tiny little brain... such a gigantic ego... what a monstrosity.

[mplsconservative]

Great comments at the link and they surprise me a little. I thought the readers of Vanity Fair tilted left. I know I cancelled my subscription many years ago because I was tired of their bias.

[boatbums]

I like your’s better! :o)

[Pinetop]

I think Al Gore is Ted Kaczynski’s nicer twin. TK’s manifesto and AG’s Earth in the Balance are a lot a like.

[Deo et Patria]

Those comments are great.. I posted my two cents there as well:

After Climategate, the Earth Warriors begin their mad dash
to enact carbon tax legislation in a flash,
because if their agenda now falls with a crash,
Al Gore will be out a sh*tload of cash.

[dynachrome]

AP -

"Failed Presidential candidate Algor is pictured on the day of the release of his historic, soon to be, Nobel prize winning poem to Mother Earth"

[headstamp 2]

There once was a man from Peru...........

[artichokegrower]

One unthin ex-senator loon

A flying private jet disappears

On a Copenhagen run

Victims rise as

Global Warming Fever settles on you and me

The economy’s bones dissolve

The unemployed workers cry

The hour of regulating has arrived

Here are your fools

[hal ogen]

Would someone please get this fat buffoon to STFU? His waste of a life is culminating in eco-poetry? What a total loser. His wife must be so jacked up on crack to tolerate his presence. His existential crisis about how worthless his existence is must be overwhelming.

[KeatsforFirstDog]

I see Gore is trying to get a Noble Prize in literature now...

[Semper Mark]

One thin September soon
A floating continent disappears
In midnight sun

Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea
Neptune's bones dissolve

The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools

Good Lord.

Your room is ready, Al...

[foutsc]

I like your’s better! :o)

Thanks, boatbums. Check out artichokegrowers. I think he did a right fine job as well.

Who knew poetry could be this much fun?

[Desron13]

Now I know how Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent felt when they were strapped down and forced to listen to Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz’ poetry. I had to stop when my nose started to bleed.

[GOPJ]

You won - hands down.

[Papa Possum]

Sorry, I missed this post until today.
Here's a poem I wrote for AlGore a while back.
I hope he likes it.

If you like it, you can read more at my blog.
You can also Freep mail me to get on my ping list.

Brother Al's Traveling Ecopalypse Show

Establishment Clause?... Anyone?... Anyone?...

Once upon a long, long time,
        before the age of Man,
The Earth was green
        and quite pristine,
an Eden wonderland.

Far wiser creatures roamed The Earth
        pre-Man's ascendancy,
tooth and claw
        and tarpits all
just lived in harmony.

Fireball and earthquake,
        glacier ice, volcano flame,
would rip and tear
        The Ecosphere,
yet Eden stayed the same.

Then Man, the evil wretch, appeared
        with greed and carbon sin,
arrogant stride
        and market pride,
Man did poor Eden in.

But from patrician pampered privilege
        a Prophet answered the plea
a Promised One,
        Senator's son,
failed doc divinity.

He collated contextless graphs
        and false cause photo clips
and made a go
        of a roadshow
preaching Apocalypse.

He soon was Senator, like Dad,
        and even became Veep,
Two Thousand went,
        lost President,
and went off the end deep.

Then took the roadshow to the screen
        to mass evangelize,
and pushed the vid
        upon the kids
and won The Nobel Prize.

Though infidels and heretics
        denied The Truth they heard
and dared profess
        no consensus,
The Prophet preached The Word.

'Til in the halls of Congress,
        His Gospel at last obeyed,
by their will
        came Holy Bill
for Carbon Cap and Trade.

So rejoice, all ye brethren,
        for His Glory is at hand,
His Sacraments
        for low footprints
will justly rule the land.

Lightbulbs, trees, toilet paper,
        hybrid cars and compost piles,
windmill spins,
        recycle bins,
and eco-Marxist smiles,

Soy milk, organic honey,
        Green Delights now all in store,
Liberty stilled
        with no Free Will,
The Holy Church of Gore.

Brother Al's Traveling Ecopalypse Show, Copyright © 2009 Papa Possum